A 6 foot 2, 200 plus pound male in his mid thirties has no business being afraid of a little haunted house. Even if that haunted house is Rob Zombie’s. I was unable to convince myself to step foot into Rob Zombie’s Great American Nightmare. Why you ask? Because I was scared. I wasn’t scared something was going to happen to me, but i was scared that at 35 years of age I’d shriek or possibly even scream and I have too much pride for that. I have so much pride that I'm admitting that I was a little nervous about going through The Great American Nightmare.

Earlier in the day on Friday October 2nd I got to take part in the Great American Nightmare tour. None of the 120 actors were present and the smells were turned off. The Great American Nightmare smells like death according to Steve Kopelman the man responsible for the haunt. The sound effects were turned on and the lights were turned off and there were members of the media still screaming. The first haunt consists of a bag being put on your head as you walk through a maze in total darkness. Of course there are surprises along the way.

That maze leads us into Captain Spaulding’s Clown School. Aside from the worlds longest down hill vortex this maze is more cool than scary. You must wear 3D glasses throughout. The vortex alone is worth the price of admission. I highly recommend waiting until after going through the mazes before you drink any alcohol. Your equilibrium will be off. I had to hold myself up as I walked through the vortex. It was incredible.

After the Clown School we end up on the Firefly Family’s door steps. The opening scene from “The Devil’s Rejects” plays where Sheriff Wydell and crew open fire on the Firefly family and we get to go in after them. All the fun and games are over at this point. This is where the haunt gets gruesome and it only down hill from there. We run through the maze with several scares along the way only to end up in Rob Zombie’s upcoming film “3I.” 

“3I” promises to be Zombie’s most vile film to date. The majority of the actors will be in this portion of the haunted house. In this house you need to survive several insane killers. This includes a giant puppet that chases after you and a chainsaw wielding maniac with sparks flying everywhere…and that’s just the tip of the ice berg. As I mentioned above, through out this tour there were members of the media screaming and it wasn’t even fully running. If you’re into haunted houses Rob Zombie’s Great American Nightmare doesn’t disappoint.

Just like last year Rob Zombie came out for a performance (actually two performances) to break in the attraction. It’s the final few performances in support of “Venomous Rat Regeneration Vendor” before we get a new Zombie album (and movie for that matter). Is it too early to start including Rob Zombie among the best frontmen of all time? Zombie’s always been known for putting on a great show and I’m pretty sure at this point in his career he could put on a great show in his sleep. Friday nights show was no exception. Great crowd, great musicianship, great songs, great fun.

Get your tickets here:

 BYLINE: Bob Zerull is the Managing Editor of Zoiks! Online. He writes pop culture commentary, does interviews with bands, and reviews music and stand-up concerts. He also administers Zoiks! Online's Facebook page. Follow Bob on twitter at bzerull. Email Bob at
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