Zakk Wylde Talks About “Bringing Metal to the Children” and the Parchment of Stupidity – Interview

Everybody knows that Zakk Wylde is one of the greatest heavy metal guitarists of all time. What a lot of people don’t know is that he is a virtuoso on the piano and even less people probably know that he is one funny mother fucker. “Bringing Metal to the Children” is not just for Zakk Wylde fans, it’s for fans of comedy. I’m not sure how this is going to translate, but I spent probably the entire interview laughing my ass off. Check out the interview below, you can also listen along right here.

Zakk Wylde: Bob, how are you doing brother?

Zoiks!: Pretty good how about you?

ZW: Good Bro

Z!: I’m a big fan, thanks so much for taking the time to do this with me.

ZW: No problem buddy.

Z!: I read your new book “Bringing Metal to the Children.” How did the idea for this book come about?

ZW: I just figured the world needed another masterpiece, another “Gone With the Wind” (laughs). I can’t even say it out loud with out laughing man. This parchment of stupidity, I just figured it needed to be written. It’s just like me and you sitting around, especially back when I was drinking, we’d be laughing and telling these ridiculous stories, just about music business stuff. It’d be like ‘Bob, get out of here that never happened…did it?’ It’s like, ‘dude, I wish I was making it up Zakk. I can’t even make this up.’ I always laugh. We always talk about “Seinfeld” or whatever with Larry David. You know those episodes, that one episode with Bob is hysterical where he picks up that hooker so he can drive in the car pool lane. It’s like we didn’t make that up, Bob actually did that bro. The guys would be like, ‘are you kidding’ and I’m like, ‘no, we elaborated on the story, but that actually happened.’ Pretty much with the book, that’s how it came about.

When we started writing the book it almost could have been a guitar instructional thing and then it was like me adding bits of humor in there. Then it was us laughing at some stupid stories. It was like two books. Let’s just make it so it’s ridiculously stupid through out the whole book. You take this stuff so serious, but it just gets crammed out of your ass at the end of the day. Like we were talking at the beginning of the book, yeah you practice 24 hours a day, you got your pictures of Jimmy Page up on the wall, Zeppelin and Sabbath and all these bands that you love. Once you get out there in the real world its not even close dude. The running joke is you can go to high school, but do they really prepare you for what’s going to happen once you get out of there? They don’t, I know how to read, write, add, subtract you know, but nobody told me it was going to be like this when we got out of there.

Z!: Will there be any more books in your future?

ZW: Yeah, why not man. All I’ve got to do is keep touring, I’ll get more stories (laughs).

Z!: Most coauthors aren’t featured as prominently as Eric Hendrix was featured in “Bringing Metal to the Children.” What did Eric bring to the book?

ZW: Me and Eric were bouncing ideas off of each other and just like refining the stories and this and that. We’d just throw ideas off of each other…no he’s a good guy man.

Z!: I may be mistaken, but I could have swore I read that you were working on a movie script, is that accurate and how is that coming along?

ZW: Well I’ve been talking about doing that for years. For me it’s just a matter of time where I have a break in what I’m doing. After we just got back from Australia I had to get everything ready for the tour over in Europe then in a couple days we have the Ozzy rehearsals, then Black Label rehearsals, then book signings and the Golden Gods, so you know it’s just a matter of having…for me I’ve never had six months where there’s nothing going on.

Z!: One of my favorite albums of last year was Leslie West’s “Unusual Suspects” which you appeared on, what was it like working with Leslie?

ZW: Oh it was Awesome. I’ve been blessed with the fortune that he was in my life. I know him dearly, which is awesome. Leslie is unbelievable. Aside from him being a legendary guitar player, the voice of doom, having the pipes, forget about it. You talk about comedy; all you have to do is be around Leslie, he’ll tell you some stories. Whenever you get him and Ozzy in a room talking, you talk about comedy; it’s beyond ridiculous bro.

Z!: Last year you played with James Durbin on “American Idol.” Is it possible for somebody coming off a reality show to survive in the very judgemental world of hard rock and heavy metal, even with the support of you, Steven Tyler and Judas Priest?

ZW: My whole thing is just like when Eddie (Van Halen) played on Michael Jackson’s “Beat It,” at first I was like dude? But then I heard some ripping guitar on the thing. My whole take on it is, “American Idol” is not our party anyways. It’s like any of my friends get bummed out because the Grammy’s doesn’t even acknowledge hard rock. It’s like when Jethro Tull beat Metallica for best metal band. It just goes to show you. I have friends that get so bent out of shape, but I’m like, ‘dude, it’s not our party.’ Would you get pissed off because I’m getting ready to do the Golden Gods out here? If Celine Dion isn’t up for best vocalist, do you think she’s gonna get pissed? I couldn’t care less. It’s not my party, who cares? It’s not for hard rock or heavy metal, it just isn’t.

I remember somebody was telling me, ‘yo Zakk, Justin Bieber…fuck him or Lady Gaga.’ ‘Yeah I know, I can’t stand them either, you know why because they’re doing six nights at Madison Square Garden, that’s why I can’t stand them, because I can’t do Madison Square Garden.’ Yeah I hate them too because of their merch sales, albums sales. If somebody goes, ‘I hate Justin Bieber,’ I say, ‘you know who you must really hate too? Joe Pass. You must really hate that mother fucker.’ Then they go, ‘who’s Joe Pass?’ and I go, ‘he’s a legendary jazz guitar player,’ and then he goes, ‘well I don’t listen to jazz,’ and I say, ‘exactly and I don’t listen to Justin Bieber either so I don’t know anything about him dude.’ I don’t get bent out of shape over something I don’t know anything about or let alone care about.

Z!: A couple of years ago I was hanging out at the Rock Star Energy Drink Mayhem Festival when I met this big guy named Monster. He told me that if I ever get the chance to talk with you to tell you that Monster says, ‘LOC.’

ZW: Oh (laughs) Legion of Cock, you’re talking about my buddy Monster. Yeah we were talking about being these fucking wrestlers and it’s called Legion of Cock. The finishing move is, you know you hold the guy down on the mat, and because we’re sponsored by Viagra, we have a raging hard on. The finishing move is that you hold the guy down and you just fucking come off the top rope. They’re like, ‘oh no good God they’ve got the cock, turn away from the tv if you don’t want to see this.’ And you just do a massive splash into the guy’s ass. The whole thing is no one wants to wrestle us and mind you, we’ve held onto the title for 25 or 28 years, but we’ve only wrestled one time and that was when we gained the title. Everyone is like I don’t want to have no part in that shit, I’m not wrestling these assholes…no pun intended (we’re both laughing pretty heavily at this point). So that’s where the Legion of Cock came from, LOC. It’s like, are you afraid of these guys? Yeah I don’t want any part of that. You can keep the title, I don’t want! (still laughing heavily).

Z!: What do you have in store for the remainder of 2012, I know the “Unblackened” DVD is later this year?

ZW: Yeah that’s going to be in August. No we have the Ozzy rehearsals coming up then we’re going to knock this stuff out, what we have coming out right now.

Z!: When will we be getting new Black Label music?

ZW: Well obviously we’re doing the “Unblackened” thing; we’ll record some acoustic tracks to coincide with that thing. I’d imagine sometime after that, but if we go back out on the road after that, who knows.

Z!: Do you have any free time coming up in the next couple of years?

ZW: No, I gotta be honest with you, I love working. My kids, the two oldest are in college, the little guy is nine and Barbaranne is 6 ½ months pregnant right now. My friends are like, ‘you must be excited you’re having another baby?’ ‘Yeah we just extended the tour another twenty years.’

Z! I really appreciate you taking the time that’s all I had.

ZW: No problem man, I’m glad you dug the book, the parchment of stupidity.

Z!: I’ve been a big fan for a long time, so thanks again.

ZW: That’s very cool Bob, we’ll talk to you in a bit.


Bob Zerull is the Managing Editor of Zoiks! Online. He writes pop culture commentary, does interviews with bands, and reviews music and stand-up concerts. He also administers Zoiks! Online's Facebook page. Follow Bob on twitter at bzerull. Email Bob at

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