"Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are over!"

Well, maybe…

Apparently, Kristen Stewart spent Christmas with a different co-star than boyfriend Robert Pattinson. This time around Stewart was spotted hanging out with Garrett Hedlund.

When Pattinson found out about this, it caused the “Twilight” star to wallow in his jealousy. Why were the two apart? The stars agreed to spend Christmas apart and reunite on New Year’s. But given this information, will that even happen?


According to reports, Stewart apologized to Pattinson but that didn’t keep him from going out on the town in London. Eventually, things were smoothed out and will be ringing in the New Year together.

What do you think? Was this a ploy by Stewart to be “apart” but in reality spend time with Garrett Hedlund? Does the media overplay things? Does anyone even care about Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson?


BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous." Email Jason at jason@zoiksonline.com.
READ MORE - "Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are over!"

"Tommy Lee Jones and 'The Company Men' are a dream for our country." – Movie Review

John Wells made his nut as the Executive Producer and creator of the hit series ER. For all intents and purposes John Wells never has to work again. Yet, with multi, multi, multi millions of dollars in the bank John Wells is hanging himself out there as a director and making the movie “The Company Men,” a real American Dream movie about a self made man who decides to risk it all for an ideal that has too long ago passed away in the overwhelming light of modern corporate/Wall Street culture.

Tommy Lee Jones is Gene McClary, CFO of a company that used to make ships, but now they make corporate deals that have next to nothing to do with shipbuilding. In fact, with every new move the company he formed with his best friend (Craig T. Nelson) gets further and further away from their humble beginnings in the stockyards. The people that came up with them are dropping like flies as every move of the stock price is accompanied by more layoffs and firings.

Among those losing their job in the corporate carnage is up and comer Bobby Walker (Ben Affleck). As one of many heads of sales in the shipbuilding division; Bobby looked like a future CEO. Sadly, with shipping dying and his salary near the top he's out and he's not alone. Soon to join Bobby on the unemployment line is Phil Woodward (Chris Cooper), a veteran salesman and one of Gene's oldest friends. Phil came up from building ships in the yard and now, just short of his retirement age he is out of a job.

Bobby's story comprises much of the runtime of “The Company Men” as he and his wife (Rosemarie Dewitt) cope with a big mortgage, two expensive cars and two frightened kids. Unwilling to swallow his pride Bobby scours the country for a job that will keep his family in their home. When he finally is forced to make a choice his only option is to take a temporary job working for his brother in law (Kevin Costner), working construction.

Phil's story is even darker and has a powerful and devastating conclusion that, though it is predictable, nevertheless impacts strongly. Chris Cooper is extraordinary as a man who fiercely clings to his pride to the point that it devastates him. Phil is the impetus for a hopeful and miraculous finish that I will leave you to discover by watching the wonderful fairy tale that is “The Company Men.”


The values at work in “The Company Men” are deeply liberal but not in the stereotypical sense. “The Company Men” exerts the true dream of liberalism, fair treatment for all. While the right accuses the left of simply wanting hand outs, “The Company Men” demonstrates a corporate titan and multi-millionaire who acts in the best interest of his employees and sets about using his money to create opportunities not hand outs.

The notion is I am My Brother's Keeper. We are our brother’s keeper and that doesn't mean giving something away, it means that when you succeed you use your success to create an opportunity for others to succeed. I have always used a metaphor to demonstrate how I feel about people with money and people without and it goes like this: once you have climbed the wall to financial stability throw a rope back so that the next person can climb up there with you.

Too many of the rich in America are pulling the rope up behind them, taking their wealth and squirreling it away for reasons that only they understand. “The Company Men” gives life to my dream of a corporate culture where opportunities are created and success is decided by those who grab the opportunity given and making the most of it.

Tommy Lee Jones's Gene is fascinating because he does what so many with money will not do, he throws a rope back. It's not about him giving something away, he decides to create something, build something, innovate something and in the process he gives others the opportunity to create and innovate alongside him.

Thank you John Wells, “The Company Men” is a movie of relevance and necessity. This is the movie that so many other modern polemics wish they could be; a story of hope against the sorrow of our tough economic times. “The Company Men” is a guide post for how our country could get turned around if there were more men of means like Gene willing to take a risk and throw a rope back over the wall.


BYLINE:

Sean Patrick Kernan is a film critic. Check him out at: http://www.myspace.com/number1ramjamfan Email Sean at sean@zoiksonline.com.
READ MORE - "Tommy Lee Jones and 'The Company Men' are a dream for our country." – Movie Review

"Don't edit my Avenged Sevenfold like you did with my Snoop Dogg. If you do, then edit Call of Duty game."

Yesterday I was walking thru Best Buy and I saw Avenged Sevenfold’s new album “Nightmare.” Next to the title was (PA). I thought, what the hell, err, fruitcake, is PA? Well, plastered on the CD was a medium sized Parental Advisory sticker.

It led me to think that at other large retailers, there are edited versions of the CD. On the title track, “Nightmare,” there is a line that goes, “It’s your fucking Nightmare.” I can only imagine what the edited version would sound like. “It’s your fruitin’ Nightmare.”

My memory shifted back years ago when I bought Snoop Dogg’s tape cassette, to which the lyrics went: “Rollin’ down the street, smokin’ endo, sippin’ on Gin & Juice.” I played this tape until one day I left it on a radiator and it curled up like a taco.


A few months later I was cruising down the street with my Pioneer speakers bumping and on the radio, the Snoop Dogg song comes on. I turned it up and was like, “Hell yeah!” Only it wasn’t the Snoop Dogg I grew up to. It was edited for radio friendly listeners. Stopped at a light with a convertible full of cute girls next to me, I blasted the song. And what came out was the most horrible thing I’ve ever heard. “Rollin’ down the street, smokin’ cigarettes, sippin’ on Mountain Dew.”

I was like, Heck no!

I turned that radio down so fast but the cute girls looked at me and laughed, pointing their fingers at me while paging their friends and posting on Friendster about my being a dork, err, fruitcake.

I get the edited versions. I do. But stop it. Because if this is the case, I want to see video games edited. Like Call of Duty for example. Instead of shooting someone, have the person run up to the bad guy and pinch him or give him a titty, err fruitcake, twister. Then, the bad guy could get ill with the rockin’ pneumonia and die from the boogie woogie flu.

It may not happen, but wouldn’t that be a great edited version? I’m just sayin.’


BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous." Email Jason at jason@zoiksonline.com.
READ MORE - "Don't edit my Avenged Sevenfold like you did with my Snoop Dogg. If you do, then edit Call of Duty game."

"Chris Brown is the number one douche bag in the world. He beats women, is homophobic, and an idiot."

Chris Brown’s latest venture with his shovel is being called homophobic by the few fans he has left. In a little feud with singer Raz-B, Brown responded to a tweet regarding Brown disrespecting women by beating women.

Brown responded in order to deter his woman beating ways by drawing attention to his homophobia, according to the tweet exchange. Then, to add insult to injury, when fans had an outpour of ‘why are you so stupid?’ remarks toward Brown, he tweeted something to the effect that 'my gay rants aren’t toward you fans, they're toward Raz-B.'


Thank goodness Brown did this on Twitter where everybody who has Internet access can shake their head in disgust. But you can’t blame Brown for his actions. When he beat up Rihanna, it wasn’t geared toward his female fans, just Rihanna.

In other words, if Chris Brown beats up Rihanna, it’s only for Rihanna. If Chris Brown calls Raz-B a homosexual, it’s only for Raz-B. And if Chris Brown puts out another album, it’s only for Chris Brown.

Congratulations Chris Brown, you’re the number one douche bag in the world. Oh, and by the way, me calling you a douche bag is for you only Chris Brown, and not everyone else.


BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous." Email Jason at jason@zoiksonline.com.
READ MORE - "Chris Brown is the number one douche bag in the world. He beats women, is homophobic, and an idiot."

"Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams shine in 'Blue Valentine.'" – Movie Review

"She sends me Blue Valentines
Though I try to remain at large
They're insisting that our love
Must have a eulogy"

The sad lyrics of Tom Waits' 1978 B-side Blue Valentines were one of the inspirations for the movie “Blue Valentine” starring Michele Williams and Ryan Gosling and they are appropriate. The film examines the beginning and, more thoroughly, the ending of a marriage and acts in effect like a eulogy to something once loved that has passed on.

The plot of “Blue Valentine” is fluid and mercurial, shifting back and forth in time from the sweet beginnings of Dean (Ryan Gosling) and Cindy’s (Michelle Williams) relationship to the present where their marriage is ending. The ending is evident to us and to Cindy but not Dean who struggles to recapture the dying essence of their once effervescent love.

Like a freezing man desperately blowing on the embers of a dying flame Dean begs for every last moment of warmth. The last ditch effort comes on an Anniversary jaunt to a cheesy romantic hotel with themed rooms. In this ridiculous setting Dean will attempt to romance Cindy and the cold space between them will grow with Dean’s every effort.

Naturally, there are signposts early on that Dean and Cindy are starting on a troubled path. When Dean and Cindy met she was involved in an abusive relationship with Bobby (Mike Vogel) and when he finds out about Dean he and three friends seek out Dean and deliver a vicious beat down.

Cindy’s father Jerry (John Doman) is another trouble spot; he dislikes Dean from the very beginning. Jerry was also abusive but as he has aged he’s remained a presence in Dean and Cindy’s relationship and is a doting grandfather to their daughter Frankie (Faith Wladyka).


Much has been written about the sex in “Blue Valentine,” sex that nearly earned the film an NC-17 rating. The sex is intense for a reason; much of the basis of Dean and Cindy’s connection is a tremendous physical chemistry, something that all relationships need but not something you can build a sustainable relationship around.

Late in the film Cindy will use that physical chemistry against Dean offering him the sex he wants but holding back emotionally until his frustration can no longer be controlled. It’s a heart rending scene and one that may be good enough to earn Michelle Williams an Oscar nomination.

Not all of “Blue Valentine” is a downer; like any relationship Dean and Cindy’s has good moments. The scene of Dean and Cindy’s first date which features a little dancing, a little singing and a ukulele is one of the sweetest moments in any movie in 2010. Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams are thrilling in this moment offering the audience all we need to know about why these two people think they love each other in this one exceptional scene.

But, did Dean and Cindy ever really love each other? Dean certainly loved Cindy but she is more mysterious. Cindy’s motivations for loving Dean or wanting to love Dean are less than healthy and Williams is expert at communicating the depth of Cindy’s psychoses and how they influenced her to marry Dean without fully committing emotionally.

“Blue Valentine” is as raw as Tom Waits’ gravel ridden voice and like Waits at his best is capable of deep sadness or biting dark humor. This is the first feature for writer-director Derek Cianfrance and it will be fascinating to watch this newcomer evolve his vision as a filmmaker. “Blue Valentine” is an exceptional start for Cianfrance who looks capable of something even more brilliant in the future.


BYLINE:

Sean Patrick Kernan is a film critic. Check him out at: http://www.myspace.com/number1ramjamfan Email Sean at sean@zoiksonline.com.
READ MORE - "Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams shine in 'Blue Valentine.'" – Movie Review

"Hobnob with Lady Gaga or Linkin Park." - CONTEST

Want to sit up close and personal with Linkin Park, Lady Gaga, or Interpol? Enter the Fuse Music Matters Sweepstakes for a chance to win the ultimate music experience! Fuse will fly three lucky winners and their guest to NYC and seat them within the 10 front rows at one of the following concerts: Linkin Park, Interpol, or Lady Gaga – YOUR CHOICE!

The winner will receive a trip for two - flight and one hotel night included, prime seating to February Fuse Presents, and one pair of Denon AH-D1100 "Acoustic Luxury" Over-Ear Headphones!


To enter for your chance to win, simply read the official rules and fill out the form here: http://www.fuse.tv/contests_and_games/music-moments-that-matter/official-rules.html.

*You must be able to travel between:

February 4th, 2011 through February 5th, 2011 for the Linkin Park concert at Madison Square Garden

February 17, 2011 through February 18, 2011 for the Interpol concert at Radio City Music Hall

February 21, 2011 through February 22, 2011 for the Lady Gaga concert at Madison Square Garden

For more details and to enter, visit www.fuse.tv/musicmoments.


BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous." Email Jason at jason@zoiksonline.com.
READ MORE - "Hobnob with Lady Gaga or Linkin Park." - CONTEST

“Watching Jack Black and Jason Segal eat is more interesting than watching them in ‘Gulliver's Travels.’” – Movie Review

 The thing about "Gulliver's Travels" is that there isn't all that much wrong with it and I still can't recommend it. The cast headed up by Jack Black is uniformly game and hard working. The story is a classic hence why Jonathan Swift's story has lingered for more than 200 years. So, what really kept me from liking this harmless, desperately wanting to be loved movie? I'm still working on that.

 

Gulliver (Jack Black) is the head of the mailroom at one of New York's largest newspapers. He's been at this job for a while, something that would not satisfy most adults. When Gulliver finds out that the new guy, Dan (T.J Miller), that he has trained for a single day is now his new boss, Gulliver vows to do something with his life.

 

That something is finally asking out the paper's travel editor Darcy (Amanda Peet) who Gulliver has had a crush on for years. Unfortunately, Gulliver chickens out on the asking out part and in his haste to escape social mortification accidentally backs into a writing assignment. After faking a writing sample Gulliver is off to Bermuda where the infamous triangle awaits.

 

Of course we know that soon after Gulliver boards his boat he will be arriving in Lilliput, the island home of the miniscule Lilliputians lead by King Benjamin (Billy Connelly), his daughter, Princess Mary (Emily Blunt) and her betrothed, General Edward (I.T Crowd genius Chris O'Dowd). After being captured by the General and imprisoned, Gulliver makes a friend, Horatio (Jason Segal) who happens to be Princess Mary's true love imprisoned by the jealous General.

 

 

From that set up we get Gulliver becoming a hero defending Lilliput against other mini invaders, Horatio released from prison and wooing Mary with Gulliver's modern diffidence and the surprise arrival of Darcy in search of Gulliver after discovering his faked writing samples lifted from Fodor's among other sources.

There is a battle against a giant robot and an island where Gulliver is dwarfed by even larger beings. These ideas are introduced by director Rob Letterman and just sort of happen and are discarded. There is no lingering effect. Some of this stuff is funny, most of it might bring about a smile or a chuckle but mostly the humor of "Gulliver's Travels" evaporates as quickly as it appeared.

 

The thing is though; there is nothing really wrong with that. Chuckles and half smiles aren't bad when you want a minor distraction. A movie should aspire to a great deal more but when so many other movies rob audiences of life force, I'm looking at you Fockers, one is tempted to grab a giggle wherever you can find them.

 

Also, it's fair to say that "Gulliver's Travels" meets every expectation of its underwhelming trailer. Jack Black tumbles and riffs, Emily Blunt and Amanda Peet are pretty and the 3D is completely meaningless and unnecessary. Jack Black gets the same laughs in the movie that he does in the trailer and a few more half smiles and giggles here and there. It's everything the marketing promises.

 

I am hesitant to give even a half hearted recommendation to "Gulliver's Travels" in part because of a quote from the legendary, and greatly missed, Gene Siskel who once asked "Is this movie as good as a documentary about these same actors having lunch together?" Gulliver's Travels fails that test miserably. Listening in to the lunch conversation of Jack Black, Jason Segal, Chris O'Dowd, Billy Connelly and Oscar nominee Emily Blunt would be infinitely more entertaining than "Gulliver's Travels."

 
 
BYLINE:

Sean Patrick Kernan is a film critic. Check him out at: http://www.myspace.com/number1ramjamfan. Email Sean at sean@zoiksonline.com.
READ MORE - “Watching Jack Black and Jason Segal eat is more interesting than watching them in ‘Gulliver's Travels.’” – Movie Review

"'The Way Back' has terrific acting but it does not have a James Franco, Robert Downey Jr. or Robert Pattinson." – DVD Movie Review

Sometimes a movie will place a critic in the odd position of appreciating the artistry and craftsmanship involved and yet leaves the critic entirely incapable of recommending the film. Director Peter Weir's “The Way Back” is a movie that inspires such a feeling. The work here is exceptional but it is exceptional in delivering a cinematic experience that I would not recommend to the average filmgoer trained on mainstream, Hollywood genre films.

“The Way Back” tells a remarkable true story in a fashion that feels intensely real. In 1942 three men emerged in India, then under the British flag, claiming that they had walked 4000 miles from a Siberian Gulag. The journey, if true, cost the lives of 6 other members of their party and had taken them across the frozen forests of Russia, through the Gobi Desert and finally over the Himalayas

In 1941 we watch as Janusz (Sturgess) is accused of treason by Russian military authorities who torture his wife in order to get a confession. Janusz is sentenced to five years in a Siberian Gulag where the harsh conditions hold life expectancy well below Janusz's sentence. The prison is surrounded on all sides by unforgiving frozen wasteland and with few supplies to hoard and fewer places to hoard them; death would seem to be the only possible escape.

The forbidding forest somehow doesn't intimidate Janusz who enlists several other inmates in his escape. Among them is an American named Mr. Smith (Ed Harris) and a criminal, Valka (Colin Farrell), whose only appeal is that he has a knife that could be handy for hunting and protection. Several other nameless inmates come along but all seem to melt into one behind thick accents.

The names aren't important; it's the remarkable, unlikely journey that is the star of “The Way Back.” Escaping the gulag was the easy part; the trouble for these brave journeymen was getting out of Communist territories where if they were caught they could easily be shipped back to Siberia. This means getting to India, more than 4000 miles away, through the Gobi Desert and over the Himalayas.

Historians and explorers have been fascinated with this unbelievable journey for several decades and remain fascinated yet skeptical. “The Way Back” is based on a book ghost written on behalf of a Polish World War 2 veteran named Slawomir Rawicz. However, Rawicz’s account was found to be false based on documents, some in Rawicz's own hand, which showed he had been released as part of a general amnesty in 1942.

In 2009 another Polish vet named Witold Glinski emerged to say that Rawicz's story was true but was his story as told to Rawicz. Investigators and historians are still weighing the truth of Glinski's claim. Regardless of truth or fiction, the story as captured by director Peter Weir is a grueling trek filled with death, despair and triumph captured in heartbreaking detail.


Jim Sturgess is a terrific star for “The Way Back.” With his soft face and warm, kind eyes, you can't help but feel for him and root for him. Ed Harris is the perfect stalwart second in command of this journey, a man so hard you are welcome to wonder if the freezing cold of the forest or the intense heat of the desert could penetrate his cragginess.

Colin Farrell is on hand to give the film a little life beyond Sturgess's straight hero and Harris's distant toughness. I can imagine many film financiers saying no to “The Way Back” without someone of Farrell's star power, even under dirty makeup and crooked teeth Farrell is a charismatic presence.

Director Peter Weir spares no image to demonstrate how difficult this journey was, as if merely describing a 4000 mile trek from Siberia to Tibet, over the Himalayas and ending in India were not enough. There is yeoman work on the part of the cast and the makeup department to demonstrate the physical toll this 11 month journey took on the seven men and one woman, Saorise Ronan shows up half way through to give the film a much needed estrogen boost, who made it.

“The Way Back” is extraordinarily affective; you feel the bone chilling cold, the sweltering heat, the desperate starvation and dehydration. Peter Weir, not unlike Danny Boyle in “127 Hours,” wants to give you some approximation of the physical toll being exacted on the cast. The point is to then to help you feel the ultimate exhilaration of their triumph (that's not a spoiler; it's a true story genius). I get it but can I recommend it?

I want to recommend “The Way Back” because it is so very well made. Peter Weir is a master director who gives this story a visceral and agonizing nature. But, based on my description is this a movie you want to see? At well over 2 hours “The Way Back” is an extensive and exhaustive inventory of suffering even with its thrilling, cathartic conclusion.

The acting is fantastic in “The Way Back” but there is no James Franco or Robert Downey Jr. or Robert Pattinson here to distract from the tough slog with sly glances or general handsomeness. “The Way Back” has no inherent humor to lighten the proceedings and even the radiant Ms. Ronan and handsome Mr. Farrell are under so much makeup that their innate appeal is buried. So, why should you see this movie?

Film buffs and historians will be rewarded with a comprehensive, fictional account of what may be the greatest single physical feat that a man has ever undertaken. The truth of Witold Glinski's story remains in question but history buffs may find the details of Weir's telling of this story revealing. Film buffs will be impressed with director Peter Weir's masterful direction but beyond the buffs “The Way Back” is a tough movie and one that I cannot recommend for a general audience.

If you find that summation insulting then see “The Way Back” and report back that you are among the general audience I was talking about and you made it through. My point is not to insult but rather to say that I understand the inclination not to subject ones self to the excruciating, detailed, suffering of “The Way Back” even if it is Oscar caliber suffering.


















BYLINE:

Sean Patrick Kernan is a film critic. Check him out at: http://www.myspace.com/number1ramjamfan Email Sean at sean@zoiksonline.com.
READ MORE - "'The Way Back' has terrific acting but it does not have a James Franco, Robert Downey Jr. or Robert Pattinson." – DVD Movie Review

"Alyssa Bernal shares stories from tour and more in new interview."

YouTube sensation Alyssa Bernal recently sat down with Young Hollywood's RJ Williams for an interview and special acoustic performance of single "Cali Cali Cali" (iTunes).

The two discussed what it felt like to pass 100 million views on her YouTube channel, how she stays true to her roots, and what it was like being the only girl on tour with idols Lifehouse and Kris Allen. Alyssa also revealed which singer she hopes to collaborate with, and what she hopes to accomplish over the next few years.


Check out the clip, then visit AlyssaBernal.com for updates on her forthcoming debut album In Love Again for the First Time.

Alyssa is also taking part in the MyYouTube contest for a chance to win a feature on the site's homepage. Each new subscription to her channel earns points for Alyssa, plus a chance for fans to win one of five signed prize packs. Visit YouTube for more details.


BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous." Email Jason at jason@zoiksonline.com.
READ MORE - "Alyssa Bernal shares stories from tour and more in new interview."

"Comedian Gary Gulman just wants Christmas for Chanukah." - Interview

Stand-up comic Gary Gulman has appeared on The Tonight Show, The Late Show, Jimmy Kimmel Live and Last Comic Standing. He also recently released his latest CD, “All I Want for Chanukah is Christmas.” I had a chance to chat with him about the CD, his life in comedy and the best advice he’s ever received.

Q - How did you get involved with stand-up, and when did you first start doing it?

A - I first started doing it in 1993, and I did open mikes, and then started to get small shows in bars and restaurants and used book stores. I didn’t do it professionally (exclusively as my living) until 1999 or 2000. I always had day-jobs. I was a substitute teacher, and I worked at Starbucks. I did some temp work, and I was an accountant for a couple of years after college.

Q - How do you think your day-jobs influenced your stand-up?

A - Well, I was probably more disciplined about writing and getting on stage because I hated my job so much, especially when I was an accountant. I didn’t have much time each day after work, but I would use the time I did have to do shows and work on my jokes. I also had interesting experiences and perspectives on business and work, so that informed my jokes. It’s hard to write jokes if you don’t have too many life experiences. So if you just went from, say, high school to doing stand-up, there’s a time when you don’t really have that many life experiences to write about, so your jokes are limited. So that’s part of the influence, too.

Q - Since you’ve been doing stand-up since the 90’s, how difficult is it to keep originality in the material since it seems that there are limited topics to write about?

A - I think sometimes certain limitations can breed creativity. So there’s the idea that there’s not that much to talk about any more, but that sort of forces you to talk about things that either haven’t been talked about before or things that are personal. As far as originality, that’s one of my main criteria for a new joke. If I could write about anything, like say, chicken McNuggets, I know I don’t have to bother writing about those, so I can concentrate on weirder things or more unique things. Like, I think I’m the only person who has a joke about that store at the mall, Things Remembered, where they etch your name. So I guess it may be limiting in some ways, but I also think it prompts a little more creativity and more thought to be original. One of my main goals in anything I write is to make sure nobody else is doing it, to the point where I’ll Google it online to see if anybody has mentioned it on TV, or I’ll ask my friends if they’ve ever heard anybody tell a joke about what I’m trying to write about.

Q - I was watching some of your clips online, and I saw your bit about when people ask you what it’s like to be a comedian. That’s pretty unique to your experience.

A - Yeah. I think that sometimes people would say, “Why would you do that? It’s very inside.” But, everyone has someone in their family who does something that is unique or considered out of the mainstream. People don’t put much thought into being gentle with people who are artistic or creative. I had a person at my show the other night, who I guess went to high school with my brother, and he said, “Are you making a good living?” I think he meant well, but why would you say that to somebody? And how am I supposed to respond to that in anything that’s less than obnoxious? It made me so uncomfortable.

Q - It seems that comedians, actors and people in entertainment are the only people that get those sorts of questions.

A - Yes! I think it’s impolite to ask somebody how they’re doing. I have a theory as to why I think it happens. I think some people would have loved to have pursued their interest in something artistic or creative, but their parents or their peers or just the American psyche in general tells you not to go for that, and the only thing that keeps them from going for that is that they think they won’t make a living at it. But, then they want to double-check that nobody is making a living at it to reinforce their parents’ advice to not pursue it. When I first started doing comedy, my brother’s first reaction was, “well, great, but you can’t make a living at it?” Why does that have to be a prerequisite? First of all, it’s not true. And second, why do you only have to do things that you make a living at?

Q - I agree with you completely. I saw a bumper sticker once that said, “Those who try to kill your dreams are the ones who’ve abandoned theirs,” which seems to go along with your theory. Along those same lines, which entertainer gave you the best advice, and what was it?


A - Years in, I read something by Kurt Vonnegut. He said something to the effect that there was a lot of luck involved with making it in an artistic pursuit. In terms of his success, he felt that there were equally talented people who didn’t have great success, at least not financially. And he said there was a lot of luck involved, and it was no reflection on your talent or character. He even said he had some survivor’s guilt about doing so well as a writer. He sort of became big late in life. In his mid-40’s, he published Slaughterhouse-Five, or even later than that, and that was his first big blockbuster of a book. So I remember reading that, and that made me feel pretty good.

I love stories like that where somebody is honest about the extra luck and timing and things like that. There are comedians out there who will hold up books or repeat some Anthony Robbins-type mantras about how they made it, and it makes people who don’t make it feel bad that they were less than true. Or that they weren’t positive enough.

There’s a lot of luck involved, so I think that’s some of the best advice that I’ve read about. When another comedian forwarded it to me, it just made a lot of sense.

Q - Your new CD is called, “All I Want for Chanukah is Christmas.” Can you talk about the title and what people can expect from it?

A - The title is kind of a paraphrase from the joke on the CD, which is when I was growing up, I would beg my mom to celebrate Christmas each year. And she would say, “No, we celebrate Chanukah. What do you want for Chanukah this year?” And my response was, “Christmas. I want Christmas for Chanukah.” So that was where the title came from.

But, it stems from the fact that growing up, I didn’t have many Jewish friends in my neighborhood. To flash the excitement and characters and song and enthusiasm that are involved with Christmas at a young Jewish kid of five or six (when I first figured out what was going on), I just thought that was so cruel that I didn’t get to participate in any of this. And it made me sad. So I became obsessed with Christmas. We would make decorations in school, and I would hang them in my room. I remember one of my mom’s friends was throwing out some garland, and I put that up in my room. I was a Jew who loved Christmas, and I really got into it.

I guess that was another piece of advice that I got years ago. I went to see Ray Bradbury speak at a Barnes and Noble in Los Angeles, and he said that when he was a young boy, he was obsessed with dinosaurs and space and aliens. And he said that he owed a lot of his creativity and writing success to the fact that he never stopped being obsessed with the same things he was obsessed with as a child. So I guess I’ve sort of adopted that, to a certain extent, in my comedy in that the same things that used to excite me as a kid still excite me, or at least I expand on them and talk about the stories behind them.

So that’s where the CD comes from, my love of Christmas. I’m a great observer of Christmas because I never got to embrace it. So I was just fascinated by it. Sometimes you can’t write a joke if you’re too close to it. So if you’re a Christmas celebrator, you might take it for granted and see it the way it’s always been and never question the sort of weirdness or otherness of it.

The CD is a collection of my observations and explanations of the other side of Christmas, which is Chanukah. And there’s a lot of overlap too because Jesus was a Jewish man. I will say it’s not too heavy Jewish; it’s not too heavy Christmas. It’s a nice mix. I’m very careful not to alienate any one group. It’s cultural, and it’s interesting, and most importantly, it’s funny. It’s not lecture-y or anything like that.

Q - What’s next for you? What can people expect from you in the future?

A - I’m making another CD with Comedy Central in the next few months. I’m going to try to make another special. I had this special on Comedy Central called, “Boyish Man” a couple years ago, so I’m looking to make another one of those.

And I like to tour and do shows, from city to city. I’m not sick of hotel food yet. I don’t mind the travel, so as long as I’m single and I’m happy doing this, I’ll continue to do it as long as I can.

Q - I’ll close with this, since you were talking about “the road.” What’s your favorite road story, whether it’s embarrassing or silly or just kind of awesome?

A - One time I got to go to the Capitol. This guy was a fan of myself and Rob Kelly on Tourgasm, and he gave us a tour of the Capitol and took us into the Speaker of the House’s office, and we got a behind-the-scenes/backstage tour of the capitol building in Washington DC. So that’s probably the coolest thing I’ve done on the road, even though it might sound boring. Very rarely do I get any sort of major celebrity treatment, and it was this unique opportunity. That’s my greatest road story, even though it doesn’t involve cocaine or a gang prostitutes.


BYLINE:

Kate Brindle is a stand-up comedian from Ann Arbor, MI. For more information and for tour dates, visit her at http://www.katebrindle.com/.
READ MORE - "Comedian Gary Gulman just wants Christmas for Chanukah." - Interview

"Adam Lambert, Hot Wheels, and Tron in my little Christmas miracle." – A CHRISTMAS UPDATE

Zoiks! Online would like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Christmas has always been my favorite holiday; partly because I don’t have to work. But as a kid, getting gifts from “Santa” was what made it. Unfortunately, in my household “Santa” had a sense of humor.

One year I asked for Hot Wheels tracks – the blue thick plastic strips that connected together to form a kick ass roller coaster of racetrack to which the car didn’t make it halfway. Regardless, they were bad ass. That was until I was out of line. Then my parents used them to beat me. Now I’m not saying that my parents abused us kids; back then parents were allowed AND encouraged to knock some sense into us.


While I was avoiding the wrath of the Hot Wheels tracks, I was thinking how Santa had a funny sense of humor. So, the next year, to outsmart Santa, I asked for a different type of gift. Things like pillows, Magic Merlin’s Mystical Dust, and air, they all highlighted the list. I wasn’t stupid; because if you’ve ever been beat by air, it’s not that bad.

Today, being a child in a grown-up body, I still like to ask for gifts. This year I asked the readers if I should get Adam Lambert, “Twilight” or Avenged Sevenfold merchandise. The result was overwhelming – Adam Lambert. There were a few votes for A7X, but Lambert ruled my list. So that is what I asked for. Hopefully, if I’m out of line, my father won’t fling the disc at me like a metallic Frisbee. I’ve never been sliced by a CD before, but I’ve seen Tron and it can’t be healthy.

So, thank you readers for the votes. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. We look forward to entertaining you next year.


BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous." Email Jason at jason@zoiksonline.com.
READ MORE - "Adam Lambert, Hot Wheels, and Tron in my little Christmas miracle." – A CHRISTMAS UPDATE

"Christina Aguilera's 'X-Factor' performance is triple X to Britain's FCC?" – VIDEO

Christina Aguilera is once again in the media regarding her sexiness and limited representation of clothing. A month or so ago Aguilera was in a leaked photo controversy that showed her nearly nude posing for the camera. (See story here.)


Now the “Beautiful” singer is waiting for a ruling from Britain’s FCC wondering if the singer broke any decency rules during her performance at the finale of “X-Factor.” See video here.



Aguilera, whose voice is what took her to the pop charts, is now being criticized for everything but. I realize that the performance was on the heels of her burlesque movie, but the movie bombed and Aguilera should have utilized her best asset in regard to the music industry. If she continues on this path, the pop singer will fall victim to the Whitney Houston stigma – a has been who made poor choices.

I’m sorry but I like my Christina, as well as my Whitney, stoic and singing her heart out.


BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous." Email Jason at jason@zoiksonline.com.
READ MORE - "Christina Aguilera's 'X-Factor' performance is triple X to Britain's FCC?" – VIDEO

"Scarlett Johansson is single again." - PHOTO

Scarlett Johansson and husband of two years, Ryan Reynolds, have reportedly called it quits as husband and wife. The two however are on great terms and will remain close friends. This is the second relationship for Scarlett Johansson that hasn’t worked (the first being with 30 Seconds To Mars singer Jared Leto).


Scarlett Johansson, who is one of the most beautiful women in the world, is 26 years old. Who will be the next lucky/unlucky man to marry and divorce Johansson? Who knows? I just want to know if she can at least make it to age 30 before she goes for number three.


BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous." Email Jason at jason@zoiksonline.com.
READ MORE - "Scarlett Johansson is single again." - PHOTO

"Sofia Coppola's 'Somewhere' is a real trip." – Movie Review

A dejected movie star drives his car in circles for 2 or 3 minutes to begin Sofia Coppola's “Somewhere” and things only grow more elegiac and confounding from there. Stephen Dorff stars in “Somewhere” as movie star Johnny Marco and for the first 20 minutes of the film he is a most irritating and off-putting presence. After the driving in circles we are treated to a scene of the despondent star in his posh Chateau Marmont apartment being entertained by twin strippers before he simply falls asleep watching them.

The scene is noisy and goes on and on and on with Marco never leaving the bed and the girls never leaving their poles until the end and only then to offer a kiss goodbye to the sleeping star. These scenes will test the patience of even the most forgiving fan of writer-director Sofia Coppola and yet as you stick with “Somewhere” something strange begins to happen. A strange fascination arises even as Johnny Marco barely rouses from his stupor.

Conventionally, the story kicks in when Johnny's pre-teen daughter Cleo (Elle Fanning) arrives for a visit. At first she is just a visitor and Johnny is welcoming but with an eye on the clock. After another interlude with the twins, Cleo returns, this time with plans to stay for a while longer. In a more typical story Johnny would be the diva father who learns how to be a better dad through the course of an adventure with his daughter. That, however, is not this movie.


Sofia Coppola takes this story in a unique and fascinating direction by seeming to give it no direction at all. Somewhere has a hazy, dreamy feel and it builds fascination by avoiding the typical movie narrative expectations and instead allowing “Somewhere” to unfold in a mercurial fashion that feels natural even as nothing seems to be happening.

It's a daring approach as scenes begin with the chance that something might happen to break the dreamy monotony of this story and then the scene plays out and the dream continues. The ending is near perfection as it plays out in a way that fits the shapeless, prosaic nature of all that came before it. The ending is ambiguous and unusual and leaves the viewer wanting to know more and yet ready to leave Johnny Marco be.

“Somewhere” is one of the most divisive films of 2010. Many will walk out in the first 20 minutes; many will make it to the end and be left agape. But for those who find this film's groove and feel its vibe, “Somewhere” is a real trip, a memorable unendingly fascinating mind wipe that drifts away like fog lifting from your psyche. I hated “Somewhere” for a solid 20 minutes and by the end I loved it. If you can find the groove, you will love this movie to.


BYLINE:

Sean Patrick Kernan is a film critic. Check him out at: http://www.myspace.com/number1ramjamfan. Email Sean at sean@zoiksonline.com.
READ MORE - "Sofia Coppola's 'Somewhere' is a real trip." – Movie Review

“‘Little Fockers’ is a disastrous little focker.” – Movie Review

What a difference a good director makes. Director Jay Roach took the thin concept of a man meeting his girlfriend's parents for the first time and mined it for bigger laughs than were likely in the script. Stretching that thin concept for a sequel about meeting the boyfriend's parents, Roach again found laughs that other directors might not have found.

 

Unfortunately, for fans of "Meet the Parents" and "Meet the Fockers," Jay Roach could see that the premise was played out and while producers pushed for "Little Fockers," aka 'Meet the Kids,' the one director who might have been able to find the funny in this idea dropped out. Picking up the scraps is director Paul Weitz (American Pie) who, though not untalented, fails in every way to find something funny in vomit, booger and erectile dysfunction jokes.

 

When last we left the Byrnes Family Circle of Trust Gaylord 'Greg' Focker (Ben Stiller) had married Pam Byrnes and the two were expecting a child. Well, it turns out they were expecting twins and five years later Grandpa Jack (Robert De Niro), Grandma Dina (Blythe Danner) and Focker grandparents Bernie (Dustin Hoffman) and Roz (Barbra Streisand) are coming to Chicago for a birthday party.

 

Meanwhile, at work Greg has been promoted to head of nursing a gig that comes with the added bonus of a sexy drug rep named Andi (Jessica Alba) who wants to pay Greg big bucks to be a paid medical spokesman for a new erectile dysfunction drug. Andi, last name Garcia, yes that joke gets old real fast, also has a huge crush on Greg that plays out with humiliating complications and misunderstandings.

 

Also back for this third outing is Kevin (Owen Wilson), Pam's ex who still carries a torch for her as evidenced by a tattoo on his lower back that is one of the few gags that actually plays to big laughs in "Little Fockers." And speaking of Little Fockers, this movie is supposed to be about the newest additions to the Focker clan. Sadly, the twins played by Daisy Tahan and Colin Baiocchi are poorly used characters who don't really become part of the action.

 

The Little Fockers are merely set pieces in Paul Weitz's poorly conceived plot which is  just series of tasteless jokes and dopey misunderstandings that sometimes payoff and sometimes don't. Take Alba's drug rep for instance. One minute she is seducing Greg, in arguably the saddest moment of Jessica Alba's career, yes likely even worse than "Good Luck Chuck," the next minute she is out of the movie with little explanation or payoff.

 

Two other well known actors are also marched out on screen for a moment and can consider themselves lucky to have narrowly escaped the humiliation heaped upon Ms. Alba. Harvey Keitel plays the desperately underwritten role of Greg's crooked home contractor and he plays the role solely so he and Mr. De Niro, his longtime friend and "Mean Streets" co-star can have one meaningless stare down.

 

Poor Laura Dern is dropped into an even less interesting and poorly fleshed out role as the head of an exclusive private school. The school is called the Little Human Academy and apparently director Paul Weitz thought that the phrase 'Little Humans' was funny enough that he didn't bother to include any other notable jokes for Dern, Stiller or De Niro to play in the school scenes.

 

Dustin Hoffman meanwhile, did not want to return for "Little Fockers." In fact, according to sources, shooting on "Little Fockers" was five days from complete when a deal was struck for the Oscar winner to reprise his role as Bernie Focker with re-shoots needed to shoehorn Bernie into the story with embarrassing results for the poor editing team tasked with forcing Hoffman into the movie.

 

Embarrassing is the operative word for all of "Little Fockers" even stars Ben Stiller and Robert De Niro. Though they remain a terrific comic team with a strong instinct for each others brand of comedy, Stiller and De Niro aren't given much good to play and thus fall back, often as possible, on the things they've done before in a fit of desperate recycling.

 

The few new gags the duo is given are just unfortunate, especially the erectile dysfunction bit that producers thought was hilarious enough to include in ads for the film and thus destroy as a gag in the film.

 

Little Fockers is a disaster and should have been aborted the moment Jay Roach turned down the chance to direct. Stiller and De Niro are the faces of this franchise but the talent was clearly Mr. Roach without whom everything falls to pieces. Without Roach's guiding hand "Little Fockers" plays as a series of lowbrow gags instead of being what the first two movies were, family stories that happened to include a number of lowbrow gags.


BYLINE:

Sean Patrick Kernan is a film critic. Check him out at: http://www.myspace.com/number1ramjamfan. Email Sean at sean@zoiksonline.com.
READ MORE - “‘Little Fockers’ is a disastrous little focker.” – Movie Review

"Happy Holidays from Alyssa Bernal." - VIDEO

With just a few days left until Christmas, Alyssa Bernal has covered the classic holiday song "Winter Wonderland," putting her own spin on the version recorded by her favorite artist Jason Mraz.


Alyssa is also spreading the holiday cheer with her Cali Cali Christmas contest, which gives fans chances to win daily presents like her self-titled EP, autographed merch or a phone call from the singer herself. Visit AlyssaBernal.com to learn how to enter Cali Cali Christmas and her MyYouTube contest.



When asked what's on her own Christmas wishlist, Alyssa shared that she's hoping for gift cards to her favorite stores (like Forever 21 and Urban Outfitters) or a new iPod. "Mine ran out of memory space - I think I need another one so I can have more music!"


BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous." Email Jason at jason@zoiksonline.com.
READ MORE - "Happy Holidays from Alyssa Bernal." - VIDEO

"'127 Hours' tops the best movies of 2010."

A few honorable mentions on my list of the best films of 2010 include: True Grit, The King's Speech, Somewhere, The Ghost Writer, Oceans (Disney's extraordinary Earth Day documentary), Blue Valentine, It's Kind of A Funny Story, Iron Man 2, Get Him to the Greek, The Tillman Story, Exit Through the Gift Shop and How to Train Your Dragon. With that, on to the list....

10. Youth in Revolt/Scott Pilgrim vs. the World: It was impossible for me to choose my favorite Michael Cera performance in to2010 so, call it a tie between his dual role of Nick Twisp and Francois Dillinger in Miguel Arteta's sadly overlooked comedy Youth in Revolt and his comic book/videogame hero Scott in Edgar Wright's outlandish comedy. Cera, for me, is one of the most constantly intriguing performers in film today.

9. Kick Ass/Let Me In: Just as I found it impossible to choose between Michael Cera performances, I could not choose which performance by newcomer Chloe Moretz was my favorite. Moretz blew the doors off as the foul mouthed comic book assassin Hit Girl in Kick Ass and then took her craft to a new level with his complex and heart rending pre-teen vampire in Let Me In. It would be easy to say that these are great performances for someone her age but in truth, these are great performances for anyone any age. Ms. Moretz has awards glory in her future.

8. Get Low: Among the unexpected treats of 2010 was seeing legendary actor Robert Duvall show the youngsters how it's done with a performance of cantankerousness, humor and heart in director Aaron Schneider's impressive feature length debut. The longtime cinematographer and TV hired hand Schneider pulls of something quite remarkable in Get Low gathering not only Mr. Duvall but also Sissy Spacek and Bill Murray into his cast and managing not to be overwhelmed by the wealth of collective talent. Many first time directors could not say the same.

7. The Kids Are All Right: There is a scene in The Kids Are All Right that is as gutsy and moving as anything I've seen in a movie. In the scene Annette Bening as Nic sits at dinner with her two kids, Mia Wasikowska and Josh Hutcherson, her lover Jules (Julianne Moore) and the kids’ sperm donor dad Paul (Mark Ruffalo). Aware that something is going on between Jules and Paul and worried that her children have come to like this interloper more than they like her, Nic sings along with the Joni Mitchell song "All I Want" and the pain in her voice and the wetness in her eyes will put a grab in the back of your throat. It's a strong enough scene that I could recommend The Kids Are All Right based on that alone. Even better however is that most of The Kids Are All Right is almost as brilliant as that one scene.

6. Greenberg: Ben Still and Noah Baumbach's Greenberg haunts me. I recognized far too much of myself in the arrested development of Roger Greenberg. Ben Stiller's performance here is one of the great underrated performances of the year. Even better than Stiller's stellar star turn is the supporting performance of newcomer Greta Gerwig. Yes, she hues closely to what Onion writer Nathan Rabin has dubbed 'the manic-pixie dream girl' (click link for full definition and buy the book My Year of Flops) I see something more than an ideal love interest in Gerwig's shy, sheepishly pretty Florence. There is a well of soul in this girl and the film only begins to tap it.


5. Toy Story 3: There is no where in the film world where you can as much consistent quality entertainment as that turned out by Pixar. Case in point: Even Pixar sequels are near masterpieces.

4. Inception: For a lot of critics Inception is easy to write off as a well made blockbuster but director Christopher Nolan deserves more credit than that. Sure, Inception is a popcorn crowd pleaser at heart but there is a brain in the head of this one and those who paid close attention were rewarded with a mind bending good time as Leonardo DiCaprio lead us into a dangerous dream world of slow motion falls, acrobatic aerial fights and the sexy and intriguing presence of Marion Cotillard.

3. Black Swan: Director Darren Aronofsky walks a razors edge between kitsch/camp and high art in his horror ballet Black Swan and watching him balance ever so precariously on the precipice of ludicrousness is part of the excitement of Black Swan. Waiting for that moment when things tip over into ridiculousness is like watching someone on a high wire without a net. Add to that Natalie Portman's engrossing performance and Vincent Cassell and Mila Kunis's exceptional supporting work and you have one of the best and most invigorating movies of the year.

2. The Social Network: There is an interesting caveat to my top two movies of 2010. You see, I believe that The Social Network is the movie that we will still be talking about in 10 or 20 years and for that it certainly belongs at number one, more on why it's not in a moment. David Fincher's epic take on the founding of Facebook is not the straight biopic of creator Mark Zuckerberg that many assume. Rather, The Social Network uses the character of Mark Zuckerberg as played by Jesse Eisenberg to comment on how social networking unites us in the online world but divides us further and further in the real world. The Mark Zuckerberg of The Social Network is seemingly incapable of connecting with another person in the flesh and that inability is a commentary on the nature of all social networking. The final scene of Mark continuously tapping the refresh button hoping desperately for an approved friend request is a sad and appropriate coda for a character whose humanity has long been subsumed by technology and a warning of things to come for all of us if we continue to invest more of our lives online.

1. 127 Hours: So, why 127 Hours and not The Social Network at number 1? Well, aside from the fact that the ranking of movies is a relatively arbitrary process, the one difference between the two movies was that 127 Hours made me cry. Watching James Franco as Aron Ralston struggle with the physical pain of the boulder pinning his arm to a cave wall and the emotional pain of watching him try to maintain his sanity while trapped lead to a moment of catharsis more true and exhausting than anything I've ever experienced at the movies. I cried as Ralston flagged down hikers and got the first clean water he's seen in days. The closing of the film, which features the real Aron Ralston in a brief cameo, is a moment of pure exhilaration like few movies have ever produced. 127 Hours had a physical effect on me and it is the movie experience of the year. For that, it gets a slight edge over the historic impact of The Social Network.


BYLINE:

Sean Patrick Kernan is a film critic. Check him out at: http://www.myspace.com/number1ramjamfan Email Sean at sean@zoiksonline.com.
READ MORE - "'127 Hours' tops the best movies of 2010."

"'True Grit' is a must see film." – Movie Review

A strange thing has happened near the end of 2010. Some of the most daring and different directors are being tamed by the Hollywood system. Whether it's a moderation toward the notion crafted by Ben Affleck and Matt Damon years ago; 'One for them, one for me,' or merely an acceptance of the terms that Hollywood dictates to all filmmakers in these tough economic times, directors like David O. Russell (The Fighter) and John Cameron Mitchell (Rabbit Hole) have crafted their most conventional and studio friendly films in their esoteric careers.

The same could be said of the Coen Brothers whose latest film is a straight as an arrow adaptation of the Charles Portis novel “True Grit.” Though artful and entertaining, “True Grit” is easily the most straight-forward, audience friendly film in the otherwise odd and fascinating careers of Joel and Ethan Coen. There is nothing wrong with convention, especially when it is as moving and amusing as “True Grit.”

John Wayne won his only Oscar for Best Actor for his take on the role of Rooster Cogburn in 1969. 41 years later Jeff Bridges brings new energy and life to the role of the reprobate US Marshall Rooster Cogburn. Hired by 14 year old Mattie Ross (Hailee Steinfeld) to track down the villain Tom Chaney (Josh Brolin) who killed her father, Cogburn never ceases being a debauched yet heroic man with strong wit and as Mattie recalls in voiceover, True Grit.

Joining Marshall Cogburn and Mattie on the trail of Chaney is Texas Ranger Lebeouf (Matt Damon). Having been on the trail of Chaney longer than Mattie, he intends to return Chaney to Texas for a reward a move that runs counter to Mattie's intent to have Chaney hanged in Arkansas. Lebeouf is also intent on convincing Mattie to return home something she refuses to her detriment as danger lurks around every turn of the bend.


True Grit is not the movie many may think it is. From the dark and foreboding trailer with its ominous Johnny Cash tune, "God's Gonna Cut You Down," that has been playing for the past six months, one would miss the fact that “True Grit” is witty and entertaining as it is violent. The PG-13 rating is far less misleading than the trailer, indeed “True Grit” is as safe and conventional as the John Wayne original.

Again, I know this reads like harsh criticism but it's more of an observation; it's surprising to see director's like the Coens make a movie as standard and practiced “True Grit.” The film has the skill of the typical Coen brand, the fabulous cinematography of Roger Deakins as well as the music of Carter Burwell, two regular Coen’s contributors, but it does lack the Coen Brothers brand of quirk that has highlighted their best work from the beginning.

Just as surprising however is how effective this standard approach is. Jeff Bridges delivers a Rooster Cogburn every bit as iconic as John Wayne's while young Hailee Steinfeld steals the film with her steely, thoughtful and sensitive performance. Matt Damon is highly effective in the role essayed by singer Glen Campbell. I could see Oscar nominations for each as well as for the directors, cinematographer and, if it hadn't been ruled ineligible, Carter Burwell's exceptional score.

”True Grit” may be shockingly conventional as a film by the Coen Brothers but it is still a highly entertaining and in the end moving film populated by excellent performances. In a career that has spanned nearly the length of time since the original “True Grit,” Jeff Bridges has evolved from handsome charmer to leading man and now to elder statesman and perennial Oscar contender. “True Grit” may give Bridges back to back Oscars following last year's “Crazy Heart” as a deserving Best Actor winner.

14 year old Hailee Steinfeld was found in a nationwide search, a remarkable find. Steinfeld stands toe to toe with Jeff Bridges and Matt Damon and more than holds her own even as she chews over ancient dialogue in a rhythm that even long time trained actors would struggle with. Steinfeld's performance alone would be enough to recommend “True Grit” but with Bridges, Damon and highly effective direction of the Coen Brothers, True Grit is more than merely recommended, it is a must see film.


BYLINE:

Sean Patrick Kernan is a film critic. Check him out at: http://www.myspace.com/number1ramjamfan Email Sean at sean@zoiksonline.com.
READ MORE - "'True Grit' is a must see film." – Movie Review

"Hinder talks 'Lips Of An Angel' and the new album 'All American Nightmare.'" – Interview

One of the biggest bands in the world recently released its new album, “All American Nightmare.” Hinder’s Mike Rodden stopped by to talk about the band’s monster smash “Lips Of An Angel,” the new album and the biggest lesson the guys learned so far.

Q – Thanks for doing this.

A - No problem. Thank you.

Q – Hinder exploded onto the scene with the radio smash “Lips Of An Angel.” How did that song come about?

A - The story behind lips was actually a true story. The whole thing happened to Austin one night. He was sitting in his place with his girl and an ex called him up and you know the rest.

Q – “Lips Of An Angel” came out in 2005. Hinder had already been around for about five years. What was the feeling like going from essentially a no name band to a world famous band overnight?

A - We had no idea things would turn out the way that they have. It wasn't easy though, that’s for sure. We worked our asses off to get where we are. Still we are very blessed and thankful for everything we have.

Q – The band is approaching its 10 year anniversary together. How difficult is it to stay at the top of the game when there are so many great bands working today?

A - God that makes me feel old! I think if you stay grounded, hungry, and work your ass off; that’s all you can do.

Q – The new album, “All American Nightmare” just came out. The first two albums sold more than 3 million copies and spawned 5 hit singles. What is the expectation of the new album in regard to following the success of the first two?


A - We wrote the best album we could. We can only hope that our fans and new fans love it as much as we do. Hopefully it does better than the first two.

Q – How different were the writing and recording processes on “All American Nightmare” from the other two albums?

A - The first two albums were co-written with our producer. Most of the songs were written in the studio. Whereas this record was co-written with several different writers. So we got a really diverse sound.

Q – What’s the biggest lesson you’ve learned from being veterans in the music business?

A - You have to enjoy the ride and not take the little shit so serious.

Q – I haven’t heard the new album yet but am looking forward to it. How has the fan reaction been with the new songs?

A – Our fans are the best in the world. We started playing six new songs in the set four months before the album came out. Everyone at the shows seems to love the new songs. It’s great when you look out in the crowd and see people trying to sing songs that they've never heard before just because they dig it.

Q – Thank you for taking the time. Best of luck with the new album. Is there anything you wanted to add?

A - Hey, thank you. We just want all the fans to know that we couldn't do what we do with out you all. So we love all of you.

Check out the review of “All American Nightmare” here: "Hinder's 'The All American Nightmare' is the band's best effort." – Music Review.


















BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous." Email Jason at jason@zoiksonline.com.
READ MORE - "Hinder talks 'Lips Of An Angel' and the new album 'All American Nightmare.'" – Interview

"Soulja Boy's new album 'The DeAndre Way' out now."

Soulja Boy’s highly anticipated third studio album, “The DeAndre Way,” is available now. The DeAndre Way features the hit singles “Pretty Boy Swag,” “Mean Mug” featuring 50 Cent, “Blowing Me Kisses,” and “Speakers Going Hammer.”


Fans can unlock a coupon for $2 off The DeAndre Way by using Foursquare to check into any FYE location on their mobile phone. Once checked in, fans just need to click the “special here” icon and show the coupon at the register.


BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous." Email Jason at jason@zoiksonline.com.
READ MORE - "Soulja Boy's new album 'The DeAndre Way' out now."

"Keyshia Cole releases fourth studio album." - VIDEO

Just in time for the holidays comes a brand new album from R&B songstress, Keyshia Cole. Following her last three consecutive platinum-plus selling albums come Calling All Hearts, the fourth studio album from four-time Grammy nominee, Keyshia Cole. Dropping in stores today, the album features her current single “Long Way Down” and “I Ain’t Thru (feat. Nicki Minaj),” along with collaborations with Faith Evans, Tank, and Timbaland.


Calling All Hearts is an emotional manifesto for Keyshia, who has had quite the exciting year with both the birth of her first child and engagement to Cleveland Cavalier, Daniel “Booby” Gibson.



Calling All Hearts is available now in both standard and deluxe editions with the deluxe edition featuring 3 additional songs.


BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous." Email Jason at jason@zoiksonline.com.
READ MORE - "Keyshia Cole releases fourth studio album." - VIDEO

"Watch the new video 'Revolution' from Terrible Things." - VIDEO

Terrible Things has been touted as an alternative rock super group with Taking Back Sunday vet Fred Mascherino, Coheed and Cambria alumnus Josh Eppard, and former Hot Rod Circuit guitarist Andy Jackson to complete the power trio.


The band’s self titled debut is a concept album about a series of arsonist fires that haunted Fred's former hometown of Coatesville, PA from 2007-2009.



The album is produced by Jason Elgin and the video for "Revolution" was directed by David Brodsky.


BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous." Email Jason at jason@zoiksonline.com.
READ MORE - "Watch the new video 'Revolution' from Terrible Things." - VIDEO

"R.E.M. announces date for new album, 'Collapse Into Now.'"

R.E.M. announced that Warner Bros. Records will release their upcoming new album, Collapse Into Now, on March 8th, 2011. The full-track-listing, which was revealed on R.E.M.’s official website on November 25th, is below. Yesterday, a free download of “Discoverer” was made available to fans that signed up for R.E.M.’s email list via http://www.remhq.com/. Those who preorder Collapse Into Now on iTunes the week of December 20th will receive an instant download of “It Happened Today.”

For Collapse Into Now, R.E.M., which is singer Michael Stipe, guitarist Peter Buck, and bassist Mike Mills, re-teamed with Grammy Award-winning producer Jacknife Lee, who produced the band’s acclaimed previous album Accelerate. Lee is also noted for his work on albums by U2, Snow Patrol, The Hives, and indie stalwarts Kasabian, Editors, Aqualung, and Bloc Party. R.E.M. and Lee recorded the album in New Orleans at the Music Shed and in Berlin at the famed Hansa Studios, where several legendary albums, including David Bowie’s Heroes, U2’s Achtung Baby, and Iggy Pop’s Lust for Life, were made. Additional recording and mixing was done at the venerable Blackbird Studio in Nashville.


The band has also revealed that Collapse Into Now features some very special guests: Patti Smith, guitarist Lenny Kaye, Peaches, Eddie Vedder, and The Hidden Cameras frontman Joel Gibb.

Collapse Into Now is the follow-up to 2008’s Accelerate, which debuted at No. 2 on the Billboard Top 200 album chart, topped the Alternative, Rock, Digital, and Internet (physical goods) charts in the U.S., and debuted at No. 1 in Canada, the U.K., Ireland, Denmark, Norway, Switzerland, and the Czech Republic. It spawned three hit singles “Supernatural Superserious,” “Hollow Man,” and “Man-Sized Wreath.” The band also released a two-CD live set, entitled R.E.M. Live At The Olympia, last October.


BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous." Email Jason at jason@zoiksonline.com.
READ MORE - "R.E.M. announces date for new album, 'Collapse Into Now.'"

"NY Mag pits Diddy against Kanye."

“Could Diddy’s Arty Electronic Epic Be More Interesting Than Kanye’s Art-Rocky One?” That’s the question NY Mag is posing. While Kanye seems to have embraced the spectacle he has become in recent years, Diddy has embraced the rise of dance music and merged his talents with Dawn Richard and Kalenna Harper to become the powerhouse trio of Diddy Dirty Money.


NY Mag calls Diddy Dirty Money’s debut album Last Train to Paris “excellent stuff” and says “the music actually becomes the hypnotic cruise it aspires to be.” Check out NY Mag for the complete review.

Diddy Dirty Money’s debut album Last Train to Paris is available now.


BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous." Email Jason at jason@zoiksonline.com.
READ MORE - "NY Mag pits Diddy against Kanye."

"Adam Lambert edges out Lady Gaga and Katy Perry for Zoiks! Online's Entertainer of the Year."

Adam Lambert was named Zoiks! Online’s Entertainer of the Year. Based on popularity and talent, Adam Lambert edged out Lady Gaga and Katy Perry. The openly gay singer had a year that included getting into an altercation with a paparazzo, his concerts getting protested by hate groups, and a Grammy nomination.


Congratulations to Lambert and we hope 2011 is filled with the same excitement. Kudos to Gaga and Perry for their own success in 2010. But let’s face it, Lambert topped them both.


BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous." Email Jason at jason@zoiksonline.com.
READ MORE - "Adam Lambert edges out Lady Gaga and Katy Perry for Zoiks! Online's Entertainer of the Year."

"High quality canvas tarps."

With the winter weather my area has been receiving, it’s nice to know that there are high quality canvas tarps available to cover things like my grill and log piles. These tarps are made of Heavy Gauge brass which will not rust.


Each tarp is Hemmed & Stitched around the perimeter and reinforced at each eyelet. The best thing of all is whatever the canvas tarp is covering will certainly be dry when you need it – like the logs for my fireplace.


BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous." Email Jason at jason@zoiksonline.com.
READ MORE - "High quality canvas tarps."

“James Franco’s ‘127 Hours’ is the best movie in 2010.” – Movie Review

While I have no doubt that The Social Network will be the movie that defines 2010 with its intimate commentary on the dividing time of net life and real life, 127 Hours is, for me, the movie that affected me the deepest. The unbelievably true story of adventurer Aron Ralston's fateful trip into Utah's Blue John Canyon is brought to life by director Danny Boyle and actor James Franco in ways that even Aron Ralston likely never imagined.

 

Aron Ralston was not one to pause for reflection, or really pause for anything. Always looking for the next adrenalin rush, Aron rushed off on the morning of April 26th 2003 without telling anyone where he was going. His plan was a day long canyoneering adventure that would have him home just after nightfall.

 

Along the way Aron met a couple of girls, Kristi (Kate Mara) and Megan (Amber Tamblyn) and after a brief, flirty sojourn into an underground lake, Aron is back on track and off again on his own but with plans to possibly see the girls again. That plan would have to wait as not long after leaving them behind; Aron grabs hold of the wrong rock over the wrong canyon and ends up falling with the rock right behind him.

 

The rock lands on Aron's arm pinning it against the canyon wall and leaving Aron stranded miles from where any other adventurer is likely to go. For the next 4 days Aron Ralston will subsist on a pair of uncooked burritos, a modest amount of water and urine and a strong will to live. During this time he will narrate some of his time on his video camera in between bouts of trying to move the rock.

 

127 Hours would seem an impossible prospect for a movie. The focus is on one character in one very specific place for a very long time. There are flashbacks and fever dreams but surprisingly few of them. For the most part, director Danny Boyle trains his camera on James Franco and relies on Franco's face and vocal rhythms to carry the day and carry it he does.

 

127 Hours is a truly remarkable film, a nightmarishly visceral, painfully realistic rendering of Aron Ralston's remarkable written account aptly titled "Between A Rock and A Hard Place." With the aid of cinematographers Oscar Winner Anthony Dod Mantle and Enrique Chediak director Danny Boyle exploits angles, colors other visual flourishes to give a strange action to a film that is mostly stationary.

 

And then there are the actual things that happened to Ralston during the time he was trapped. Boyle and Franco take a pair of Ralston's experiences and make them into major set pieces. The first is a frightening flash flood and the second is Aron's video, a moment that begins darkly humorous and turns deeply poignant.

 

Of course, the major set piece of 127 Hours is Aron finally making the move to cut off his arm between the wrist and the elbow. It begins just after the one hour mark with a single thrust of his dull multi-tool jabbed right to the bone. The visual of the tip of the blade resting against the bone, inside Aron's arm is striking not just in it's surreality but in the sheer force it carries, the way Aron's real pain becomes psychic pain for the audience.

 

Once the actual cutting begins, the bones broken, the tendons torn, 127 Hours screams with life towards a cathartic, emotional finish that even knowing the outcome cannot diminish. Danny Boyle's direction is so expert and James Franco's performance so winning, Aron's story so life affirming that nothing can stop 127 Hours from getting under your skin.

 

127 Hours is the best movie of 2010, a richly emotional masterpiece. When I talk about why I love movies I will talk about the final moments of 127 Hours and the deep, convulsive gulps as I tried and failed to hold back tears of joy and the lurch of honest to goodness, physical exhaustion that is accompanied by A.R Rahman's joyous, pulsing score. What a marvelous film.


BYLINE:

Sean Patrick Kernan is a film critic. Check him out at: http://www.myspace.com/number1ramjamfan. Email Sean at sean@zoiksonline.com.
READ MORE - “James Franco’s ‘127 Hours’ is the best movie in 2010.” – Movie Review

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