Zoiks! Online - Music. Stand-up. TV. Film. "Funny Name. Seriously Entertaining.": 4/1/10

"Jessica Kirson feels comfortable being honest and upfront on stage." – Interview

If you happen to run into a talk show starring comedienne Jessica Kirson, it’s because her show, produced by “Scrubs” star Zach Braff, takes place in the middle of nowhere. Although currently it is in the pitching stage, it may just end up in a ‘nowhere’ near you. She recently stopped by to talk about her life in stand-up.

Q – There seems to be a lot of female comedians today. Years ago, there were only a few. What was so attractive about stand-up comedy?

A - I think women feel more comfortable being honest and upfront on stage. There is nothing more powerful for me, as a woman, than to stand on stage and make people laugh. Years ago it was unheard of for a woman to act silly and take a stand.

Q When did you first start doing stand-up?

A - I started 11 years ago. I took a comedy class in New York.

Q – Do you think women comics have a harder road to success than their male counterparts?

A - Yes I do, of course... I mean if you look at all of the headliner clubs around the country there are maybe 10 female headliners. There are hundreds of men. When I headline on the road, it is never me and another female comic. There are always two male openers.

(Photo courtesy of Jessica Kirson's website)

Q – Every time I go to YouTube or turn on cable, there is a comedian on. Do you think with all the outlets for stand-up comics, there is an oversaturation of comedians that make it harder to get noticed?

A - Well there are definitely a ton of comics. Youtube is really the way to go. I don't think it's harder to get noticed. I think that it makes it much harder to get work.

Q – Tell me about “The Jessy K Show.” That was a reality show produced by Zach Braff. How did this come about? How did Braff get involved?

A – “The Jessy K Show” is a reality talk show. Basically we just plop it down in the middle of nowhere. We have a live band, an audience, and guests. It is a blast. Zach is actually my step-brother and we have been wanting to do something together for a while.

Q – This was just a pilot. Did it get picked up?

A - We are pitching it now.

Q – You’ve done a bunch of TV spots. Do you think the notoriety from your TV spots is better than working clubs?

A - Absolutely, doing TV is the best way to get noticed.

Q – A lot of comedians end up on television in some fashion. Is this the ultimate goal for comedians?

A – Yes, every comedian I know wants to be on TV in some fashion.

Q – What are you working on now?

A - I have a YouTube channel: www.youtube.com/thejessykshow. It is a blast for me. I am touring a lot. I am also a regular on “The Joy Behar Show” on CNN.

For more information on Jessica, visit her website at: http://jessicakirson.com.

BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous." Email Jason at jason@zoiksonline.com.

"Whether it's 'Murdoch Mysteries' or 'Durham County,' Helene Joy loves acting." - Interview

Fans of Helene Joy are well aware of the two hit series she’s involved with. “Murdoch Mysteries” and “Durham County” are two of Canada’s biggest hits on television. And even though the Australian native keeps herself busy with taping, a personal life and keeping in touch with friends, Helene Joy still managed to find time to talk about her career in acting.

Q – You’re kind of a TV legend in Canada. The third season of “Murdoch Mysteries” premiered March 14th in which you play the lead female role Dr. Julia Ogden. How did this role come about?

A – Well, before the “Murdoch Mysteries” was a series they made a couple of features and I played a very evil baby killer in one of them for which I was nominated for an award. The original writer of the novels was really impressed with me and started pushing for me to become the female lead in the new series when it went. She was obviously very successful, and here I am.

Q – I read that you’re from Australia. It seems that there are a lot of talented actors from Australia - Mel Gibson and Hugh Jackman to name a couple. Is there just something in the water out there?

A - People ask me this a lot. We have very good British-style theatre training in Australia. That could have to do with it. Mel and many others like him attended NIDA, which is an incredibly good school and Hugh, like me, went to WAPPA, which is also an amazing three-year training. I don't think there is anything in the water but sharks.

Q – Aside from “Murdoch Mysteries,” you were the lead in “Durham County.” How do you balance your time between both projects?

A - The two last years of shooting both were pretty tricky. You shoot though the week in Toronto, you fly, you shoot the weekend in Montreal, and you do that over and over for a month. It is exhausting but you love it.

Q – “Durham County” was recently named the fourth of “Maclean’s” magazine’s “Top 10 TV Shows of the Decade.” That sounds like a lot of pressure. How does it feel being a part of something this big?

A – “Durham County” has been one of the best things I have ever done. I have loved every minute of it. When you are working with such talented writers, directors, designer and actors your job becomes blissful.

Q – “Durham County” just wrapped its third season. Do you favor “Murdoch Mysteries” more or “Durham County?” or do you love them both equally?

A - Oh, that is hard. They are soo different. There is nothing like the charm of working in a period production and after four years the character begins to feel like an alter-ego that feels comforting to slip back into. However making “Durham” was much more my style. I love nothing more than to work my way into a really complicated emotional journey and get lost in it for a while.

Q – Does this leave you any time for a personal life?

A - Oh, there is always time for that. I am blessed with great friends in lots of different cities and countries and I make sure I take time to see them a lot.

Q – What things do you enjoy doing while on location?

A - I am very into a vegan/vegetarian lifestyle. I love seeking out cool places to eat and buy food that are sourced from farmers and people who love good food. I tend to meet a lot of likeminded people this way and just like when I am travelling I make friends wherever I am, and end up seeing things I would never have found on my own.

Q – How different is acting in Canada versus here in the United States?

A - I think acting is acting. It is the same job everywhere. You can work on good stuff and you can work on shit. Maybe in America you can justify doing more shit because the pay is way better. However, there is also a lot more good stuff being made there too. I have been very lucky in Canada to work on stuff I like. Now I would like to do that in the States.

Q – Have you ever thought about making the move to the US?

A - I am from Australia originally and grew up on the ocean. So when I am in LA, it actually feels a lot like home. I think moving down is the next logical step... if they'll have me.

BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous." Email Jason at jason@zoiksonline.com.

"Meet my new trainer Bob."

Summer is coming. Time to pick my butt up from laying on my thighs and start working out again.

But how do I get motivated?

I was going to get a trainer but I can't afford one.

I was going to get a work-out buddy but everyone I asked said they were too lazy, too tired or too defeated.

I was going to get a walking partner but then I'd have to strap my three year old into a stroller and hear him complain that he's tired, hungry or bored (everything I would be) the whole time.

Then I was walking by a coffee place and this book shouted at me to come look at it. I was smitten. Each and every page is filled with descriptive, detailed photos and inspiring information that a trainer would be saying (if they talked that much).

But... I found my trainer! Every day I carry him ( I call him "Bob") with me to the gym. I set "Bob" down for my twenty minutes of cardio. Then I open him to the page of the body part/s I want to work on....and I do whatever he tells me to do.

Downside: I have to read (sometimes upside down or sideways).
Upside: Someone else is telling me what to do!

Most people carry magazines into the gym. I carry "Bob." Yes, I may look like a goon to some, but "Bob" gives me a way better work out than I could ever give myself. And it's working. I'm already 'happy-sore' and feeling better.

So if you're like me, ready to battle back to the bikini on your own, "Bob" is waiting for you! Or look for the lady carrying a book and we'll do "Bob" together.

BYLINE:

Laurie McDermott is a motivational speaker and award-winning columnist who created “The CEO of the House,” a live hysterical stand-up show that moves audiences from belly laughs to moments of tears. Credits include television shows, commercials, as well as the new shows “The Bookie Mom,” “Living With Jackie,” Lifetime’s “Mom Comics,” and radio show at Classic Hits 97FM. To book Laurie to headline or host your next event, benefit or conference email her at laurie@lauriemcdermott.com or call 310-374-7777. Visit her at: www.lauriemcdermott.com.

"'Furry Vengeance' is a bitterly, ugly family comedy." – Movie Review

Brenden Fraser is a terrific goofball. He's been one of Hollywood's best goofball's since his breakthrough role as the caveman teenager in "Encino Man." Guileless, earnest and most of all highly committed to whatever the role calls for. Whether he is tumbling down hills, getting punched in the face or chased by Mummies, Scorpions or Dinosaurs, Fraser's winning goofball-ness never seems to fail.

Until now that is. On the surface, "Furry Vengeance" with its anthropomorphized animals and heavy reliance on slapstick would seem right up Fraser's alley. Surfaces can be quite deceiving. Even with Fraser giving his sincere best, "Furry Vengeance" is a bitterly ugly family comedy dedicated to bizarre innuendo and below the belt humor that even Mr. Fraser can't save with that goofy mug of his.

In "Furry Vengeance" Brenden Fraser is Dan Sanders, a family man from Chicago who has uprooted his family, wife Tammy (Brook Shields) and son Tyler (Matt Prokop), to the forest where he is to oversee the development of new suburban homes.

Unfortunately for Dan, there are already residents in this neighborhood and they don't take kindly to strangers. These residents are a scrappy group of rodents and other woodland creatures who are sentient enough to know when they are being threatened and savvy enough to fight back.

Soon, poor Dan is being kept up at night by birds and attacked during the day by skunks, all under the leadership of a crafty raccoon. In what is likely a nod to classic Looney Tunes shorts of the 50's, only Dan knows the animals are out to get him while everyone, wife and son included, just think he's going crazy.

The allusion to Looney Tunes is the only humor to be wrung from “Furry Vengeance.” I managed to kill several minutes of this belligerent farce by going back in my mind to the classic cartoon frog who sang opera but only to one poor schmoe and never in front of a crowd. The poor guy would repeatedly hear the frog perform beautiful arias and then attempt to show others only to have the frog act like a typical frog. That anecdote has really nothing to do with "Furry Vengeance;" apparently just writing about this movie inspires me to seek distraction.

Among the main oddities of "Furry Vengeance" is a propensity toward gags in the script that kids won't get or, depending on their age, should not get. The screenplay has an odd tendency toward sexual innuendo outside of a sexual situation. The credit sequence is easily the most jarring of the inappropriate humor in "Furry Vengeance" as the cast, kids included, sings along to a Kidz Bop-esque remix of Cypress Hill "Insane in the Membrane." This is wrong on so many levels that I cannot begin to number them in this space.

That said, allow me to address those who already typing their complaint; I know this is a kids movie and not meant for someone like me. I don't have kids. That said, I feel that if I had children, no matter how much they whine, I would not bring them to see "Furry Vengeance."

Regardless of whether the film is pitched to the juvenile sense of humor, I demand something more mentally nutritious for my child. "Furry Vengeance" arrives at a time when the brilliant "How to Train Your Dragon" is still in theaters. Anyone who chooses "Furry Vengeance" over the thrills, chuckles and honest to goodness, wisdom of "How to Train Your Dragon" needs their head examined.

BYLINE:

Sean Patrick Kernan is a film critic. Check him out at: http://www.myspace.com/number1ramjamfan. Email Sean at sean@zoiksonline.com.

"Is Christina Aguilera a sexy momma or a trash bag?"

The video for Christina Aguilera's new single "Not Myself Tonight" debuted on the web last night. So far the video has been the subject of much bashing at Xtina's expense. Frankly I am not surprised by the unwillingness to accept watching a mother writhe around in a skin tight cat suit. Is that bad of me? No. I'm a mother myself. I want to be sexy and wear cat suits and have people look at me and think DAMN SHE'S SMOKING HOT! But do I put the cat suit on and lap up a bowl of milk on the floor to do so? No. Because I am not desperate for attention.

It is true that the young pop stars of today are sexier and sluttier than ever (cue Ke$ha). It's also true that the envelope on sexuality continues to be pushed. I would even go so far as to say those are all acceptable behavior on some level because life would be freakin' boring if someone didn't commit mock-suicide on stage once in a while! (Lady Gaga) However I prefer mothers not to do it.

Once a woman becomes a parent, and this is true for men though probably not to the same degree, it's time to put up the whips. Plenty of pop stars have been relevant without the bondage costumes right? I mean Madonna's a mother but even she knew it was time to stop slutting it up for the cameras at a certain point. Why? Because people don't want to see you that way. I'm not saying Christina should put on a muumuu and sit on a piano without moving, dancing, or singing in any sort of a sexy way. There are ways to be sexy without being OBVIOUS.

To be clear, before I get the hate mail claiming I think all mothers should keep their sexuality in the bedroom I admit that as a mother myself there is totally a sex kitten inside of all of us moms. (Well maybe not every mom). My point is there's a way to show you're sexual and sexy but be tasteful about it and not tacky. Should we look at some examples? Sure that sounds like fun! The following is a still shot from Aguilera's music video "Not Myself Tonight." This would be an example of TACKY.

Now here is a picture of Gwen Stefani and it's an example of a mother looking sexy but not trashy.

Do you see how Xtina's screams for attention while Gwen Stefani's doesn't make you feel dirtier for having laid eyes on it? It is totally possible to be sexy, be a mother, and hold on to your dignity at the same time. There are a lot of women out in entertainment who find a way to balance that. Jennifer Garner, Halle Berry, Gwyneth Paltrow, Jessica Alba, and Uma Thurman are just a few examples of mommas who have sex appeal and class. Hell, there's even a way to take off your clothes tastefully. But cat suits, whips, and sado masochism are not the road to travel on your way to classy/sexy mommy-hood. I hope Christina learns that lesson soon because for now this is just a little painful to watch.

BYLINE:

Bry Schulz is a writer, photographer, and mother who really hates squash. Not necessarily the game but definitely the vegetable. Email Bry at bry@zoiksonline.com.

"Vanity Fair goes 'Twilight' - again. This time with the ladies of 'Eclipse.'"

A photo spread for “Vanity Fair” magazine featuring the ladies of "The Twilight Saga: Eclipse" was shot last Sunday. Photos from the shoot will run in “Vanity Fair” in June to help promote the release of the third “Twilight” film.

(Vanity Fair)

The pics will include Kristen Stewart, Dakota Fanning, Nikki Reed, and Elizabeth Reaser along with a few others from the film. “Vanity Fair” has held photo shoots for the “Twilight” stars twice previously. I'm eager to see these pics focus on the women only.

It's hard to believe it but the release of the third film is just two months from today! The countdown is finally dwindling.

BYLINE:

Bry Schulz is a writer, photographer, and mother who really hates squash. Not necessarily the game but definitely the vegetable. Email Bry at bry@zoiksonline.com.

"Ricky Gervais should replace Steve Carell if he leaves 'The Office.'"

According to an article at “Entertainment Weekly,” Steve Carell’s contract runs through next season.

Steve Carell himself said in a BBC Interview, “I think that will probably be my last year.” Who knows if Carell is really planning on leaving the show or if he is just planting a few seeds for his next contract negotiation?

I love Steve Carell to death, but it might not be a bad idea to see him go. “The Office” has become a bit of an ensemble more so than just led by one man. If you look at a show like “Cheers” it swapped female leads and still went on to have great success. They even switched from Coach to Woody. I’m really not that old, but my dad watched “Cheers” religiously. More recently the show “Spin City” actually swapped their lead characters from Michael J. Fox to Charlie Sheen, without missing a beat. Why couldn’t “The Office” do something similar to that?

“The Office” is one of my favorite shows on TV, but it seems like it is running out of story ideas. Where else can you take the character of Michael? What I think would be a genius move is to bring in Ricky Gervais to reprise his character from the original “Office” series. I think the show can continue to exist with some success, but the character of Michael may have run its course.

Thoughts?

BYLINE:

Bob Zerull is the Managing Editor of Zoiks! Online. He writes pop culture commentary, does interviews with bands, and reviews music and stand-up concerts. He also administers Zoiks! Online's Facebook page. Follow Bob on twitter at bzerull. Email Bob at bob@zoiksonline.com.

"Orianthi and Adam Lambert announce summer tour."

Fresh from recent performances on “American Idol,” - one with her hit single “According to You” and most recently on “Idol Gives Back,” where she delivered a killer guitar solo during Mary J. Blige’s rendition of “Stairway To Heaven” - Orianthi is now setting her sights on the road as she joins Adam Lambert on tour this summer.

Visit www.orianthi.com for further details and updates. Orianthi's newest single “Shut Up & Kiss Me” is available now for download on iTunes, along with her smash debut album “Believe.” Check out the dates below. This will be one of the best shows this year.

June 4th - Wilkes-Barre, PA - The FM Kirby Center for the Arts
June 5th - Sayerville, NJ - Starland Ballroom
June 6th - Wappinger Falls, NY - Dutchess Stadium
June 10th - Council Bluffs, IA - Harrah’s Ballroom
June 11th - Mahnomen, MN - Shooting Star Casino
June 12th - Prior Lake, MN - Mystic Lake Casino Hotel
June 14th - Columbus , OH - LC Pavillion
June 15th - Milwaukee, WI - Riverside Theater
June 17th - Hammond, IN - The Venue at Horseshoe Casino
June 18th - Royal Oak, MI - Royal Oak Theater
June 19th - West Toronto, ON - Molson Amphitheatre
June 22nd - New York, NY - Nokia Theatre
June 24th - Mashantucket, CT - MGM Grand Theater at Foxwoods
June 26th - Atlantic City, NJ - Borgata
July 28th - Costa Mesa, CA - Orange County Fair– Pacific Amphitheatre
August 13th - Bethlehem, PA – Artsquest

BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous." Email Jason at jason@zoiksonline.com.

"Sandra Bullock is a mom. Jesse James is still a turd."

Sandra Bullock, America’s sweetheart, adopted Louis Bardo Bullock, who is now almost 4 months old. For those who were worrying about the Oscar winner and her weirdness that is known as her cheating Nazi loving husband, Jesse James, there’s no need to worry.

Bullock has her hands full with her son, Louis. Thank goodness the name has nothing to do with Jesse, James, Hitler, or Bombshell. Instead of feeling sorry for her for making an awful decision marrying James, let’s congratulate her for keeping this adoption under wraps.

Bullock recently won the Academy Award for “The Blind Side,” in which she played a tough mother and wife in the true life story of Michael Oher. In real life, one could argue that she is just as tough as her onscreen character.

Meanwhile, her husband Jesse James continues to be a turd. Congratulations Jesse, you're still a turd.

BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous." Email Jason at jason@zoiksonline.com.

"Last 'Twilight' film 'Breaking Dawn' gets director Bill Condon."

It was announced today that Summit Entertainment has picked a director for the last movie in the “Twilight” franchise. "Breaking Dawn" will be directed by Bill Condon, director of "Dreamgirls." Bill Condon was nominated for an Oscar in 2003 for his adaptation of the screenplay for the film "Chicago." Condon was nominated and won an Oscar in 1999 for the screenplay he wrote for "Gods and Monsters." You probably don't remember the movie "Gods and Monsters" because why would you? But when I looked it up on IMDB.com it listed the plot line for the movie as follows: "The last days of Frankenstein director James Whale are explored." So what in the world is a guy known for movies filled with dancing and singing and ... Frankenstein doing directing a “Twilight” movie?

My theory is this: to give “Breaking Dawn” some street cred. All of the “Twilight” films up to this point have been promoted as heavily teen driven. Of course that only makes sense. It doesn't seem like the last book will be able to fill that same mold though. As all of us Twi-hards know some really crazy shizz goes down in the last book. This movie should be and probably will be rated R (unlike all of it's predecessors in the franchise). So will its famous director be able to bring it up to the rated R/adult world? One can only hope. That book is so weird it could easily get screwed up in production. But Bill Condon also directed "Candyman: Farewell to the Flesh" in 1995 so that might totally work!

The other big mystery that still swirls around the film version of the last book is whether or not it will be turned into two films. The final Harry Potter book "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" was famously split in two to keep content and story intact. I think most fans are praying to hear the same thing happens to this movie. I know I am! It really would be impossible to jam all of “Breaking Dawn” into 2, even 3 hours of film. The best answer is to make it two films. I'd also like to throw it out there that I hope they do NOT make "Breaking Dawn" a 3D film. Why? Let's just say I don't need to see Edward performing a c-section with his teeth in 3D.

I'm eager to see what Bill Condon does with "Breaking Dawn." I am so looking forward to it being a movie. I haven't even seen the third film yet but I hope the entire series of books gets finished. And one can only wonder if all these movies will seem disconnected from one another. Each movie has had a different director who could bring a totally different take to the world of “Twilight.” The first "Twilight" film and the second film "New Moon" did seem different to me. I like both of them but for totally different reasons (and for the record the second one was done much better than the first). We can only wait and see when "The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn" finally rolls into theaters. But how long will the wait for that be?!

BYLINE:

Bry Schulz is a writer, photographer, and mother who really hates squash. Not necessarily the game but definitely the vegetable. Email Bry at bry@zoiksonline.com.

"'Linkin Park 8-bit Rebellion!' action adventure game for iPhone, iPod Touch and iPad launches on app store."

Two-time Grammy winning rock band Linkin Park, game developer Artificial Life, Inc. and Warner Bros. Records announced the launch of the “Linkin Park 8-bit Rebellion!” app for iPhone, iPod Touch and iPad.

Created by Linkin Park and Artificial Life, Inc., the “Linkin Park 8-bit Rebellion!” app is a heightened app experience for music fans and gamers alike with multiplayer features.

In the “Linkin Park 8-bit Rebellion!” app players embark on an epic adventure taking them through six unique districts in the game, each featuring the distinctive style of a band member. The master goal is to retrieve the band’s stolen music track – “Blackbirds,” a brand new, unreleased Linkin Park song made exclusively for the game. The song is unlocked upon completion of all missions inside the game.

Production on the “Linkin Park 8-bit Rebellion!” app began more than a year ago, with the band (vocalists Mike Shinoda and Chester Bennington, drummer Rob Bourdon, guitarist Brad Delson, DJ Joe Hahn and bassist Dave "Phoenix" Farrell) working closely with Artificial Life, Inc. on every aspect of the game: storylines, gameplay, character design and of course, music. Mike Shinoda designed the band members’ avatars and edited every line of dialogue, making this much more than just a simple rhythm game.

Among the game’s endless highlights are original and 8-bit remixes of Linkin Park tracks including “New Divide,” “One Step Closer,” “In The End,” “Crawling,” “QWERTY,” “Hands Held High,” “Faint,” and “No More Sorrow.” This marks the first time that Linkin Park’s music has been reinterpreted using old-school video game sounds. The game, which also includes original artwork by the band, opens with “One Step Closer” sounding like it was coming out of a first-generation NES.

“As opposed to putting together an app featuring just our songs and name, we wanted to make this an exciting gaming and music experience and the folks at Artificial Life shared that vision,” says Shinoda. “They were able to turn my sketches and our creative ideas in to a living, breathing world that we think gamers and fans will thoroughly enjoy.”

For more details about “Linkin Park 8-bit Rebellion!” visit: www.botme.com/linkinpark

The game’s trailer can be seen here: linkinpark.com/video/linkin-park-8bit-rebellion

BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous." Email Jason at jason@zoiksonline.com.

"Comedienne Pam Ann would rather cry in a Rolls Royce than be happy on a bike." - Interview

If you happen to be on a plane flying somewhere, pay particular attention to the flight attendant. Not necessarily because they may do something special; rather the flight attendant or air hostess may actually BE someone special. That’s because, comedienne Pam Ann may be entertaining guests in flight, or on stage.

Q - So your real name is Caroline Reid, but your stage name is Pam Ann. Tell me about this. How did this come about?

A - My character Pam Ann is a spin on the now defunct airline Pan Am. It came about one night at a James Bond themed birthday party. I dressed up as a Pan Am air hostess from the 1960’s and during the night I thought someone called me Pam Ann and that was it, I never looked back... Pam Ann was born!

Q - When you first started stand-up, was the character a part of your act or did this come later?

A - Pam Ann was my first one woman show and the beginning of my comedy career. The only other acting work I did was in dramatic theatre and some black comedies...my first real comedy role was a human revolving door - oh and I played a lift door once to! LOL

Q - You're from Australia and tour regularly throughout the UK. How much different is the stand-up market in England versus the United States?

A - England is more romantic about their approach to comedy and the entertainment world; the United States seems to be more about business, business, business. The USA takes things more seriously in the entertainment world. If you can make it there you can make it anywhere NY, NY!

Q - You talk about air travel, which Pam Ann sort of derives itself from. But you've also done a campaign for British Airways. What's your attraction to air travel? Why not bus travel?

A - Bus Travel... well who knows!!! But I would rather fly wouldn’t you? It isn’t really a thought out thing, it just happened organically, most probably out of my love for the style class and glamour of flying from the 1960’s and 70’s jet set era!

Q - Instead of being a traditional comedian, you do a lot of sketches in your act. Do you have a background in improv or acting?

A - I love improv, it’s my favourite part of my live show. It is so much fun playing with an audience not knowing where the show is going. I think as an audience member it’s exciting and plus it is a different show every night. My background is improv and acting.

Q - What would you say is the toughest thing about playing a character than being yourself on stage?

A - I think both are the same really. Stand-ups put on a kind of stage persona alter ego which is like playing a character in a way. I have done both stand-up and Pam Ann; both are just as exhilarating and fun.

Q - Some of the entertainers you've performed for are Elton John and Madonna. With big name stars do you try to use your top notch material or is it the same type of show that say, I could go to?

A - I would tailor the show to suit the venue and client. Performing for Elton John on a private plane allows you to think out of the box and actually do something fun and different. It all varies.

Q - What projects are you working on now?

A - I am working on a couple of projects for JetBlue and Gay America in San Francisco which are all very exciting. I am also planning a world tour starting in August 2010 in Australia continuing on to South Africa, Germany, Scandinavia, USA, Canada, ending in the UK in 2011. I love to travel and I just adore performing to all different people around the world.

BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous." Email Jason at jason@zoiksonline.com.

"Fees are B.S."

Today I made a call to have a late fee removed from a bill I've been paying perfectly since 2006.

"No....we never waive fees. You pay late. You get a fee. Too bad."

"Did you just say 'too bad' to me?"

Silence.

"Can I have a supervisor?" I wasn't giving up.

"Yes but the supervisor will tell you the same thing...."

I didn't think so but you can't tell that to people who think they have more power than they really do. And phone people do have power. Your goal is not to belittle them but to let them think that you believe they are of a higher power.

The supervisor comes on and says, "No, we can't remove late fees."

I want to say "Who is we?" but I don't....

Getting more and more ambitious to find someone anyone to remove the $23 fee for paying a $400 car payment 2 days late, wasting an hour of my mental and physical time (worth way more than $23.)

My husband, sitting across from me doesn't flinch, "Laurie...just give up. Just pay it."

"NO!" I respond like a drug addict trying to clinch that next fix, "I will win."

In the end, I did win. I got the fee waived. But did I win? I wasted three people's time at a company whose employees all should have been doing something else on their job description. Instead, they went to battle with me and ended up crediting my account anyway.

My advice to you, my loyal readers,....if you don't think you should pay for something and your point is reasonable, and you have eight hours with nothing to do, fight for what you think you deserve. Everyone is busy, has lives, and makes mistakes? If you can find that person in a company, a person with compassion, a person with a brain, a person who understands humans sometimes forget....you will win.

It's exhausting...but you will win.

BYLINE:

"It's hiatus week on 'LOST' and I'm so 'LOST' without you."

It's so nice of the LOST people to give us a break like this isn't it? All that information they keep giving us in every episode is exhausting! It's like my brain is being pounded by revelations and answers galore. I know, I know, I'm being bitter and sarcastic. It is nice to have a week off. Even if I'm frustrated I am enjoying the sixth and final season of LOST very much! The actors have been amazing this season, the story line continues to twist and turn, and I'm getting more and more pumped to see the two hour series finale on May 23rd! Because there will be ANSWERS!!! God help us, there will be answers.

This season I really have had to sit back and appreciate the actors who have played the LOST characters I've come to know and love over the years. One major example of that is Emilie de Ravin and her portrayal of Claire. Claire started out on LOST as a quiet, almost simple person. Sure she was pregnant, had to give birth on a strange island, found and lost love with Charlie, was kidnapped, brain washed, and has a penchant for psychics but still, she was no weirdo. Fast forward to Claire now and that girl is WIGGITY-WIGGITY-WHACK! It takes more than crazy hair to pull off that kind of nuttery. Claire is not only harboring dead squirrels in homemade cribs but she's got that look in her eyes that says 'I could eat you, you know.' So I have been impressed by the turnaround of that character. I speculate that now Claire's story will end tragically. I fear that she will ultimately kill Kate and considering Kate just invited her aboard the good ship lolly pop, I think it's inevitable.

Another character that I've been impressed with this season is Hurley. Jorge Garcia is brilliant as Hugo "Hurley" Reyes. Hurley began and ended most of his time on LOST as the comic relief. He does well as the big guy who gets the laughs but guess what, he also does well at SERIOUS. His delivery of the line "Because if you don't we're all going to die" in the episode 'Ab Aeterno' was spot on. Now he can't do John Locke serious because Hurley would never be like that. I felt like Hurley really has delivered the more serious plot pieces exactly like his character should. And even though I cherish the times Hurley throws hot pockets and statues of Jesus I can appreciate the tone of seriousness when he brings it.

Terry O'Quinn has blown my mind this season as both John Locke and Fake Locke. I'm one of those people who has never liked the John Locke character. I can remember watching the first episode when Locke smiles at Kate with the orange peel in his mouth and thinking to myself "what a freaking weirdo." John Locke has always been a character that I have felt a sort of sympathetic/hate feeling for. For all the months he spent whining about his destiny and spouting off about 'what the Island wanted' I have exhausted my eyes rolling them so much. With Fake Locke I enjoy his screen time more. I'm intrigued by the character though I still don't like him. When Fake Locke told Jack that John Locke was "a sucker" I totally got it. I think Terry O'Quinn has mastered playing both John Locke and Fake Locke. I can totally tell the difference between the two. I imagine that's not easy to do as an actor playing two characters on one show.

I wouldn't feel right about my article if I didn't draw attention to the Ben Linus character as well. Michael Emerson has played that guy with genius talent! When Ben Linus first came onto the show as Henry Gail in season two and I was annoyed by the character. My annoyance changed pretty quickly though because Ben has emerged as one of the best and most well developed characters in TV history. There are so many layers to Ben and every one of them fascinates me. I look forward to episodes centered on his character. I look forward to the revelations he makes and the times when he is humbled and tells the truth. This season Ben's best moment was in the jungle with Ilana when he explained his loss of faith in Jacob. The line Ben says after Ilana asks him why he wants to join Locke has brought tears to my eyes multiple times this year: "Because he's the only one who will have me." When a man is on his knees (figuratively) and knows he needs redemption, that redemption is the only thing that will save him, that's moving. You won't see that kind of stuff on NCIS!!

We have had several answers given to us this season so I can't totally call LOST out for failing to deliver. We learned so much about Richard Alpert in his episode 'Ab Aeterno,' easily the best episode of the season. We know Alpert doesn't age and cannot die because of a gift Jacob gave him by touching him. We know Alpert came to the island on the Black Rock and that very ship was the reason the four toed statue came crumbling down. We also know the whispers are made by the people who have died on the island and cannot move on because of things they have done. The smoke monster has claimed that he was, in fact, walking around the island as Christian Shepherd (something I personally believe to be a total lie). We know Jacob has been guarding the island and keeping the Man in Black there for a long, long time. And we know that the Man in Black (who is now Fake Locke) will kill whoever he has to to get off the island.

Things we can speculate or hope to find out about during the final episodes and the finale are: will the islanders become aware of their sideways lives? Will Fake Locke escape the island or will someone step into Jacobs shoes to keep him trapped? Will many of our favorite lead castaways bite the big one or find redemption? What exactly is the Island? Are Widmore and Fake Locke in cahoots? How will the children of the castaways come into play: Walt, Aaron, Ji Yeon? Where will Juliet pop up in the sideways world? I know there are probably a billion other questions we want answers to and feel free to call me out on missing them but these are the major one's sticking out at me.

Starting next Tuesday we have three episodes left before the two hour season finale. Next week will be "The Candidate" (5/4), followed by "Across the Sea" the next week (5/11), and then "What they died for" will be the last regular episode before the finale (5/18). The two hour season finale is titled "The End" (5/23). A pretty fitting title! You don't get much clearer than that do you? I wonder about next week's episode titled "The Candidate" because it must be about one of them specifically, Jack perhaps? I've heard on the LOST message boards that "Across the Sea" is supposed to be about Jacob and the Man in Black again. I love those episodes! And I have to guess that "What they died for" will be about why the people who have died on the island had to die. So many times on the show it's been said that "the island was done with them" after people die so maybe we get a solid answer to that one! For now all we can do is sit and wait. It's bitter sweet coming so close to the end. I know I want the answers but when the show is over and I wake up on May 24th I might just feel... LOST.

Lastly I'd like to leave you with the lyrics to a song that best expresses my emotions on LOST right now. The song is by one of the greatest 80's bands ever, Air Supply and is titled "All Out of Love." Please enjoy!

Air Supply - All Out of Love:

I'm lying alone with my head on the phone

Thinking of you till it hurts

I know you hurt too but what else can we do

Tormented and torn apart

I wish I could carry your smile and my heart

For times when my life feels so low

It would make me believe what tomorrow could bring

When today doesn't really know, doesn't really know

Chorus:

I 'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you

I know you were right believing for so long

I 'm all out of love, what am I without you

I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong

I want you to come back and carry me home

Away from this long lonely nights

I'm reaching for you, are you feeling it too

Does the feeling seem oh so right

And what would you say if I called on you now

And said that I can't hold on

There's no easy way, it gets harder each day

Please love me or I'll be gone, I'll be gone

Chorus :

Oh, what are you thinking of?

What are you thinking of?

Oh, what are you thinking of?

What are you thinking of?

Chorus(3x)

BYLINE:

Bry Schulz is a writer, photographer, and mother who really hates squash. Not necessarily the game but definitely the vegetable. Email Bry at bry@zoiksonline.com.

"My life is a salad bowl of stand-up and writing copy for adult movies."

When one decides that s/he wants to pursue a nontraditional occupation (think stand-up comedian or professional fire-eater), a day job is usually what follows. Nobody ever believes me when I say I'm a stand-up comic, and instead, they ask me how I really make my money. If I had a nickel for every time someone asked me, "yeah, but, what's your REAL job?," well, let's just say I'd make a heck of a lot more money than I do working a weekend at the Comedy Dungeon or House of Laughs.

This is a complicated question for me to answer because I've had so many. There was my stint as a professional gift-wrapper. You don't know pain until you have to wrap a gigantic children's kitchen set on Christmas Eve at Macy's while a line of 57 people glare at you. There was also the time I worked at the “Sally Jessy Raphael Show” in college. You don't know fun until you've chatted with someone who wants a "fraternity test" or had to buy all of the condoms the Dollar Store has in stock (again with a line of 57 people glaring at you) for an out-of-control teens show prop. There was also the time I worked as a movie extra and got paid to eat fake pot brownies with Colin Hanks on set (if only they were real, then it would be totally worth the minimum-wage I made!).

My most recent day job endeavor involves helping a comedian friend of mine with his eBay business. I've helped him sell everything from airplane trophies to antique bottles of Old Spice. But, the latest items I've been helping him sell are porn DVD's. Because anyone that's made it through fourth grade can download porn for free on the internet, DVD's aren't quite fetching the price they once did. So we sell them in sets.

That's where I come in. I group them together by theme (teens, amateurs, people with three nipples, you get the idea) and write descriptions for the various batches. And get this? I've discovered I'm quite good at it! I'm not trying to brag, but I think I have a penchant for peddling porn. I can make anything sound saucier than it actually is. Give me a pet rock, and I guarantee I'll make it sound like some wild fetish item that eBay users everywhere would be crazy not to bid on.

So what do I do with this skill? Barring a career writing copy for Vivid Entertainment or becoming a programmer at clubjenna.com, probably not much. If only there was a way I could combine all of the day jobs I've had together. If I could go on a talk show, covered in gift wrap while eating pot brownies and talking dirty, let's just say I'd have enough money to own the Comedy Dungeon!

BYLINE:

Kate Brindle is a stand-up comedian from Ann Arbor, MI. For more information and for tour dates, visit her at www.katebrindle.com.

"Noah's Ark discovered? It's about God damn time."

I always hesitate to write about religious stuff, because religion is sort of a taboo area. At least with politics, no matter what side you fall on, we all agree that Washington is messed up. With religion it is much trickier. I myself don’t even know what I believe. Some days I think that there may not be a God, other days I do. The funny thing is, when I hear an atheist talk I tend to believe in God more and when I hear believers talk I tend to have my doubts, which leads me to a story I saw on both Fox News and MSNBC - that Noah’s Ark has been discovered.

I don’t really have an opinion on the discovery. If it turns out to be Noah’s Ark, I think that’d make me feel a little better about believing, but at the same time, it could turn out that Noah was some crazy dude who thought God was talking to him, so he built some big ark up in the mountains and the flood never came. Who knows? Crazier things could have happened and we’ll never know.

What I found funny was the difference in coverage of this story by Fox News and MSNBC. I’m a loyal “Daily Show with Jon Stewart” fan, so needless to say I really can’t stand Fox News. While I lean a little to the left politically, MSNBC irritates me as well, because of their equally unbalanced reporting of the news. However on the Noah’s Ark story, I think Fox News actually did a better job than MSNBC.

The headline at Fox News was “Has Noah’s Ark Been Found on a Turkish Mountaintop?” That’s a great headline; it catches your eye and doesn’t really take a stand. MSNBC on the other hand ran this headline, “Noah’s Ark Found? Not so Fast.” Right away MSNBC is alienating potential viewers, especially viewers who might believe this story. Granted next to nobody watches MSNBC, but maybe stupid headlines like this are why.

So what do you think, is this really the ark? If so, is that proof that God exists? Who’s the bigger douche bag, Sean Hannity or Keith Olbermann? What’s your opinion of banning 24 hours news stations? Me, I wouldn’t mind seeing that happen. Ever since Sept 11th, the 24 hour news media have attempted to use fear and our curiosity about fearful things, to attract us to their stations. There seems to be BREAKING NEWS 24/7. I don’t have a favorite one, because they all do it. Fox News favors the conservative side, MSNBC favors the liberal side and CNN is just a mess. Me? I watch them all, because for whatever reason I get off on being irritated.

BYLINE:

"Sevendust – 'Cold Day Memory.' The return of Clint Lowery."

The first time I had heard of Sevendust, I was working at a fast food restaurant towards the end of my high school/beginning of college career. Kid Rock was coming to play a show in Moline. All of my friends hated Kid Rock, but they were all going to the show. Turns out they were going to the show to check out this band called Sevendust. I hadn’t heard of them at the time; they were out in support of their second album “Home.” I already had a ticket, because I kind of like Kid Rock. I got their early and took in the show and was very happy I did. Turns out I recognized Sevendust’s song “Waffle.”

Sevendust came out during the nu metal phase of rock n roll. I always thought of Sevendust as more of a straight forward metal band, outside of the nu metal label. They were to nu metal what Stone Temple Pilots were to grunge; they fit in with the label, but their overall sound was broader. I have been a Sevendust fan ever since I saw them in concert. As a young guitarist, if you were to ask me what kind of band I wanted to be in, I’d say a band kind of like Sevendust. Sure I like Korn, Tool, Godsmack, Disturbed etc, but Sevendust doesn’t have to maintain a certain sound like Korn does. I’d want the freedom to whip out a song like “Angel’s Son” or “Christmas Day.” In terms of a ballad, I always thought that “Angel’s Son” was our generation’s “Stairway to Heaven.” It was definitely a hit, but it never really got the credit I thought it deserved.

In early 2008 Clint Lowry rejoined the band after leaving for a couple of albums. Last Tuesday, April 20th, the original members of Sevendust released their eighth studio album entitled “Cold Day Memory.” I’m not going to give a full out review, because I have an interview scheduled with guitarist Clint Lowery later this week (look for that to be posted sometime mid May). As a fan of Sevendust I love the album. I think my favorite song on the album is either “Better Place” or “Nowhere.” I also like “Strong Arm Broken” a lot, as well as “Splinter,” “Unraveling,” I’m just going to end up naming every song on the album. Sevendust is one of those bands that constantly deliver solid albums top to bottom.

Check out the video for “Unraveling” here:

Sevendust - New Music - More Music Videos

One thing missing in the late nineties was guitar solos. I never really understood why they disappeared. I knew Korn didn’t play them because they thought it was too egotistical; so rather than solo they’d just write kick ass middle sections. It seemed like most bands from the era followed…even Metallica left the solos out of “St. Anger.” Now you’re seeing a lot of the bands from that era add solos onto their albums. Disturbed and Staind brought solos back for their most recent albums, even Metallica brought solo’s back for “Death Magnetic.” Add Sevendust to the list of bands, with the return of Clint Lowery “Cold Day Memory” features guitar solos, which is a refreshing change of pace.

Sevendust fans should definitely pick up the new album which is in stores now. Fans of more mainstream metal bands like Godsmack or Disturbed should check out “Cold Day Memory.”

You can pick up their album here: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B003FRN28C?ie=UTF8&tag=wwweastwestro-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B003FRN28C.

If you don’t like, then tell a friend and as David Lee Roth used to say, if you don’t like it, give it to an enemy.

BYLINE:

"'A Drop of True Blood' - Did you enjoy the first minisode?"

The first of 6 “True Blood” ‘minisodes’ produced by HBO hit the web in promotion of the upcoming third season. The short videos, titled "A Drop of True Blood," will be viewable each week on the web until the debut of the new season on June 13th. This first drop of blood centered on vampires Eric and Pam, owners of the famed vampire bar, Fangtasia. In the minisode they are auditioning new dancers for the bar and hilarity ensues. So what do we think of the first minisode fang bangers?

First of all I always find it amazing just how yummy I find Eric's character to be. I mean the man wears flip flops for Pete's sake! But love him I do and I think because of this bazaar love he can do no wrong. In the minisode he continues to be the alpha vamp in charge and I swoon. Pam, Eric's very trusted subordinate, plays her roll well too. I have always loved her character for her subtleties and the actress who plays her on the show does it well. You know there's so much to her but it's just below the surface. So the Eric and Pam pair checks out the prospective dancers for their club and I love the humor involved. When the extreme booty-shaker comes in and Pam sits up in her chair a little excited I totally giggled. I laughed out loud (or lol for those of you who are into the whole brevity thing) when the guy danced in the fringe jacket and hot pants. There were some interesting options for them to pick from that's for sure.

I wondered with these minisodes if they would feel a disconnect from the show at all. I didn't feel that. I thought this video clip could totally be a moment in the (long) lives of Pam and Eric. It quenched my thirst for some 'blood' and whet my appetite. I, like many, am so anxious for the new season to begin that I feel a little bit satisfied and like my wait doesn't suck AS much. The HBO dream team who thought up the slogan "waiting sucks" at the end of the teasers for the new season was a genius by the way! However I must admit that while I really laughed at this minisode and enjoyed the treat for being a good little obedient fan, I felt like it ended just when things were about to get... good. Or do you think it ended at just the right spot?

Check it out here: http://tv.yahoo.com/true-blood/show/39147/videos/19332804

BYLINE:

Bry Schulz is a writer, photographer, and mother who really hates squash. Not necessarily the game but definitely the vegetable. Email Bry at bry@zoiksonline.com.

"Siobhan Magnus gives birth on stage."

With six contestants left, “American Idol” pulls out country week. The mentor for country week was Shania Twain. The contestants had to pick a Shania Twain song to sing. I did not realize the Shania Twain has the best selling album of any female artist in any genre; kind of surprising. Tomorrow night could be an exciting finale as anybody could go home. The front runner for most of the competition has been Crystal Bowersox, but she technically had the worst performance, even though she was pretty good. The guy front runner, Lee Dewyze, probably had the second worst performance and he was good too. It’s going to be a very interesting results show.

(Siobhan Magnus)

Casey James really stepped up this week singing “Don’t.” He toned the guitar playing down and really concentrated on the singing and he definitely delivered the goods. Big Mike Lynche was so good he brought Shania to tears; even Aaron Kelly was great. Aaron Kelly clearly had the comeback of the week, but due to such a solid night of performances I’d have to say Aaron is the most likely to go.

Siobhan Magnus took on “Any Man of Mine,” and was ok. I didn’t like it as much as the judges did, at least early on, however the ending was magical as it usually is with Siobhan. Simon thought the ending was a bit much. He said that if you heard that last note out of context you’d think she was giving birth. I’m happy to see that www.votefortheworst.com has Siobhan as the worst, so that should be some added votes for her. She’s my favorite, but sometimes her performances have been lacking a little. I can’t say I agree with them that she’s the worst, but she makes an otherwise boring show more fun to watch, and not just because of her voice.

So who goes home? Based on past weeks I’m going to say Aaron Kelly is definitely in the bottom three. He could be joined by Big Mike and Casey, since they’ve been in the bottom three before. I think it’d be kind of cool to see Crystal or Lee in the bottom three, because based on their last performances, they were the worst. Secretly I’m hoping for an upset elimination this week - to keep it interesting. My upset pick is Lee Dewyze.

BYLINE:

"The Dirty Heads is a mix between Sublime and Eminem." – Interview

A cool new band for the summer brings an even cooler new album. The Dirty Heads, a quasi mix between Sublime and Eminem, recently released its new album, “Any Port In A Storm – Special Edition.”

Q – Where did the name of the band come from?

A - We got our name from are older brothers and friends just calling us that. Jared ended up using it in a song we wrote before we had a name for our band and it just kind of stuck.

Q – First of all, who are the members?

A - Dustin Bushnell – Guitar / Vocals; Jared Watson – Vocals; Jon Olazabal – Percussion; Matt Ochoa – Drums; Dave Forell - Bass

Q – Second, what does each member bring to the band?

A - Different STD’s

Q – When I first heard The Dirty Heads, I thought you sounded similar to Sublime. You’re currently on tour with Sublime with Rome, which are the two surviving members of Sublime and Rome Ramirez. How did this come about?

A - We all work in the same studio and have always run into each other there. We became friends and started helping each other out on songs. One day we just decided to write one together. Rome came over to my house and we sat in the backyard and had some beers and wrote “Lay Me Down.” Now we’re on tour together.

Q – With music stuck in the pop or metal genre thanks to radio, how do you capture an audience that seems to be fueled by “American Idol” and Metallica?

A - I think people have been in need of some good feeling music; a lot of the new music these days has been pretty dark.

Q – Your new album, “Any Port in a Storm,” which is an expanded edition of the 2008 album, comes out April 27th. What should we know about the recording of this album or about it in general that is different from the 2008 release?

A - It has 5 unreleased tracks on it including “Lay Me Down.” It also has some of our older songs we did before we were signed. I think there are 23 tracks and a video for $7.99. You can’t beat that.

Check out the contest we’re running with The Dirty Heads here: http://www.zoiksonline.com/2010/04/listen-to-dirty-heads-new-album-free.html

BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous." Email Jason at jason@zoiksonline.com.

"Girl In A Coma rocked Chicago's Vic Theatre." – Concert Review

My new favorite band is Girl In A Coma. Ever since I heard their latest album, “Trio B.C.” I thought these girls were one second away from hitting it big. I love this band so much I would find ways to talk about them, even when the conversation wasn’t close to music. If someone asked if I had heard about the accident in North Carolina that left two people comatose, I’d reply with, “No, but have you heard Girl In A Coma’s new album? They’re from Texas.”

I finally got the chance to see them live at Chicago’s Vic Theatre. By pure luck the date was April 25th, which was my 35th birthday. What better way to celebrate? Never mind the day was windy, rainy and the Chicago Bulls must have been playing because driving into downtown wasn’t a joy.

However, after I left the concert, the three hour drive to, and later back home, was sooooooo worth it.

I was stunned to hear how fantastic their sound translated to live music. Don’t get me wrong. It wasn’t like I had doubts about their musical prowess; rather their sound is so unique that I had my concerns. Well, shoot me in the foot and call me Dave (I heard that expression by someone and thought, ‘I’d hate to be Dave.’).

These ladies rocked. All three were excellent musicians, from Phanie on drums to Jenn on bass, to the extraordinary vocals and guitar playing of front woman Nina. (For the interview we did on GIAC, click here: http://www.zoiksonline.com/2009/09/girl-in-coma-is-just-as-good-as-any.html)

The last time I witnessed musical perfection was when I saw Queensryche in Joliet. (See the interview we did them here: http://www.zoiksonline.com/2009/12/geoff-tate-of-queensryche-has-built.html)

The Vic, filled to capacity of around 1300 people, was not disappointed. And here’s the kicker; Girl In A Coma was the opening band. Granted people may have been there to see Sia, that’s really not the point. GIAC gave a show that, if patrons at the Vic weren’t there for them, quickly gained them as fans. (See the review of GIAC’s album “Trio B.C.” here: http://www.zoiksonline.com/2009/09/girl-in-coma-trio-bc-cd-review.html)

I, for one, being in this business, have never heard of Sia, and suffice to say, I drove three hours to downtown Chicago, watched GIAC perform for just under an hour, and then drove another three hours back home.

That’s what Girl In A Coma means to me.

BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous." Email Jason at jason@zoiksonline.com.

"Tito Ortiz beats off, I mean, beats up Jenna Jameson."

Jenna Jameson is in the news, not because of a new movie titled, “Jenna Jameson and the Fist of Fury” or something, but because her boyfriend, Ultimate Fighter Tito Ortiz, beat the crap out of her.

Normally men, when the see Jameson, beat themselves, but not Ortiz, he took it one step further, and beat the adult film star, best known to men as Kleenex box number 200.

Ortiz, who apparently does not have anger issues, was arrested for domestic abuse against Jameson, who was later seen in a bandage. Ortiz, who outweighs Jameson by 100 plus pounds, later posted bail and was released.

Let this be a lesson, if you’re going to be an adult film star, not only will men beat off to you, but they may also beat up you.

BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous." Email Jason at jason@zoiksonline.com.

"Listen to The Dirty Heads' new album free! And win their new CD."

I love giving away free stuff. Especially if it’s awesome. Well, here we go again. It’s that time where we give away a free CD.

The Dirty Heads’ new CD “Any Port In A Storm – Special Edition” will be given away to two people. The rules? All you have to do is be a fan of our Facebook Fan page. Two random fans will be chosen.

But that’s not all. Zoiks! Online and The Dirty Heads are having a listening party. That’s right. You can hear the entire album, for free.

Check out the new video for “Lay Me Down.”

For more information on The Dirty Heads, visit their website: www.dirtyheads.com.

BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous." Email Jason at jason@zoiksonline.com.

"Usher's new album 'Raymond v. Raymond' is just like the other ones." – Album Review

"Raymond V. Raymond" is the 6th studio release from Usher and if you have purchased any, and I do mean ANY of his previous releases, you get what you expect. There isn’t a real surprise on the album, no “wow” factor to make you get off your chair. Maybe this explains the American Idol appearance in the mentor role when the album was dropped. You have to help sagging American album sales when there isn’t a lot of hoopla surrounding the album release. Is his divorce to Tameka enough to generate some buzz? Evidently not. The album sold 329,000 copies the first week out according to Soundscan, topping the Billboard charts, but still fell significantly short of his previous 2007 release.

I think Usher is confused as to what kind of person he is. Or he just likes playing both sides of the fence. Is he the club hopping drink swilling playa (yes, I used the ghetto version of player) you get in “OMG” and “Pro Lover” or the sensitive and remorseful teddy bear you get in “Guilty.” This album is such a depiction of his real life, failed marriage due to infidelity, the struggle with being an out of house baby daddy (second ghetto term of the piece so far), and the rebuilding of a shattered life. I have to tell you though, when it got to “Man Vs. Venus” I was SOOOO waiting for the other “enis” word that rhymes with Venus because I would have giggled like a school girl. Dick and/or fart jokes make me laugh, I can’t help it.

The song “Papers” is no surprise, it is what is. Addressing a divorce can be difficult unless you cut right to the chase and “sign those papers, papers, papers.” The single “More” is not on the CD, however, it is an iTunes bonus track, and is one of the previous tracks the label was working before the albums release. It was used in promo announcements for the NBA All star game. This track is the hype. (Third ghetto of the day, just an old school term) To the point where I use the hook to remove the leftovers stuck in my head from other songs by other artists.

Will. I. AM and Ludacris are among the mandated random appearances that have been on every R and B album since 1999. Written transcript of those conversations before the recording of “She Don’t Know….”

Usher: “Hey man…I’m making a new record. You owe me.”

Ludacris: “Dude, I’m making a movie. I ain’t got time for your Nice and Slow crap”

Usher: “Remember Yeah?”

Luda: “Yeah…”

Usher: “We made a lot of money with that.”

Luda “Yeah.”

Usher: “You in?”

Luda: “Yeah.”

Usher: “You kinda sound like Lil John right now, too.”

Luda: “WHHHHAT?”

Usher: “Lil John??!?”

Luda: ”YEEEEAHHHH”

….but I digress.

“Raymond V. Raymond” is another solid LaFace records release from Ursher (fourth ghetto term). I would suggest checking your iTunes and previewing each track before you buy the album. Remember to pickup “She Don’t Know.” Luda gotta get paid. YEEEEEAAAHHH!

BYLINE:

Alex Hart is a Program Director for KZBB FM in Fort Smith, AR. where he is often called a Yankee. He doesn't agree with it, because that kind of stuff is no one's business. Visit him at: www.kzbb.com.