“Portia de Rossi becomes Portia DeGeneres. What a de-light.”

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After two years of marriage to Ellen DeGeneres, Portia de Rossi has filed a petition with a Los Angeles court to change her last name to her wife's. That's right – Portia will now be known as Portia DeGeneres.

 

Apparently, she enjoys names that start with "de."

 

When I heard the news, I was disappointed. If there's one thing I hate more than same-sex couples being denied marriage rights (After all, shouldn't everyone have the right to be miserable regardless of sexual orientation?), it's people changing a part of their identity just because they fall in love. I mean, I fell in love with New Kids on the Block music, but I'm not about to change my last name to "Hangin' Tough." It's 2010, and women are no longer property. Therefore, why must they give up a part of themselves to signify that they belong to their partners?

 

 

 

Plus, out of the two "de" names, I think de Rossi is clearly better than DeGeneres (which sounds a bit too much like degeneret for my liking).

 

I'm all for love and marriage (especially when it's legal for all couples – gay and straight), and I particularly dig that theirs featured vegan cuisine (I'm just jealous I wasn't invited as I would have eaten the hell out of the dairy and egg-free wedding cake), but changing your name? C'mon, that's outdated. At least if you're going to change it, switch it to something that means something cool like "Free Beer."

 

Frankly, Portia Free Beer has a much better ring to it than Portia DeGeneres. Maybe she should have hyphenated and became Portia de Rossi-DeGeneres. As you can see, I am de-lirious.

 

BYLINE:

Kate Brindle is a stand-up comedian from Ann Arbor, MI. For more information and for tour dates, visit her at www.katebrindle.com. Email her at hottiepants@zoiksonline.com.

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