“Emmy Red Carpet Fashion Review 2010.” - PHOTOS

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Awards show season is officially upon us and it's my favorite time of year. I love nothing more than spending a few Sunday afternoons pining over dresses I will never even come close to seeing in person. I write these fashion reviews for every big red carpet every year. And every year inevitably I get some person who comments and says "who do you think you are? You're a loser." And to be clear that is completely true. I am a loser! I am a loser who has access to the internet just like you! I love writing red carpet reviews and no one will stop me. I do this with love and in the hopes of amusing myself and if I happen to amuse one more person that's just a bonus. So let's get to it! Here's my first Red Carpet Fashion Review of the 2010-2011 Awards Show Season!

 

(All photos courtesy of www.wireimage.com)

 

Kim Kardashian: Grade C

 

 

 

She wore white for the second year in a row. I don't know if that matters to you but I felt like pointing it out. She kind of reminds me of Princess Jasmine in this outfit. That was not one of my favorite Disney Princesses, FYI. I'm more of a Princess Aurora girl. If you don't know which Princess that is you... well you're dead to me. Look at this, it's the first dress in the review and I'm already off on an ADD tangent! The dress is blah, let's keep moving.

 

Betty White: Grade A++

 

 

 

I know, A++ is a pretty high grade to give out. But she's old and I like old people. For being in her 80's Betty White looks smokin' hot! Most 80-somethings don't look this good because they're usually dying. So she gets an A++ from me. Hell I won't even mention anything negative about the decision to wear gold shoes. Good job Betty, I hope you make it back to the Emmy's next year.

 

Lea Michele: Grade A

 

 

 

I hate to jump on the Glee bandwagon because I don't like bandwagons. I happen to really like this dress though. I also happen to really like that necklace with the dress. Navy blue is obviously a "big deal" this year. So bandwagon be damned I'll admit that I like it. A lot.

 

Claire Danes: Grade B+

 

 

 

I'm diggin' the sparkles. I'm diggin' the blond hair.

 

Heidi Klum: Grade B

 

 

 

ALRIGHT. WE GET IT. YOU'VE HAD 4 KIDS AND YOU'RE STILL HOT! Geez. Stay home next year please. You make everyone else who's given birth feel like ass.

 

Kyra Sedgwick: Grade C

 

 

Her clutch reminds me of those seeds that fall off those tree's and spin like helicopters to the ground. No idea what kind of tree those are... But I'd like to take her purse and fling it up into the air and see if it spins on its way back down. This dress is a great color for her! There's nothing particularly special about this dress aside from the fact that it doesn't look stupid.

 

Mariska Hargitay: Grade C

 

 

 

Blah, Blah, Blah... Mariska looks good again... Blah.

 

Jane Lynch: Grade A

 

 

 

Umm.. the phrase "you've come a long way baby" comes to mind. Sue Sylvester and her matchy track suits are a faint memory for me when I see this lovely lady! I do love Jane Lynch regardless of what she wears so if we're being honest I'd have probably given her a high grade even in a track suit. But hey, she's not wearing a track suit she's wearing an awesome purple gown! Me likey.

 

Nina Dobrev: Grade B

 

 

 

My first impression of this dress is that it wouldn't fit over my left thigh. So as I slowly push the bag of Oreo bites further down my desk I have to be honest and say it's a pretty dress. One I'd love to wear. In dreams where I'm anorexic.

 

Anna Paquin: Grade D

 

 

 

CRAP! I really like the show 'True Blood' but Anna Paquin is making me feel sheepish for saying that aloud. What the hell are you wearing Anna?! I'm looking around for King Tut to suddenly show up. Is this a theme party? If so no one else knows.

 

Tina Fey: Grade C

 

 

 

Wait. Tina might have gotten the memo about the Egyptian theme party! Her dress looks like it has hieroglyphics on it! If I'm reading it correctly it says I can find water by following the rock path but bring my bow because there are dangerous mammoths along the way. There are also instructions on how to make fire somewhere near the train of her dress.

 

Lauren Graham: Grade F

 

 

 

This dress is ugly. Is this how it was supposed to look? I feel like she lost a bet or something. I'm sorry Lauren.

 

Jennifer Carpenter: Grade A

 

 

 

HELLO! Somebody should give their stylist a raise! (It's you Jennifer!) Usually I hate the one long sleeve thing but this is working for me. I'm not sure if it's the sparkly-ness or the side-swept hair or the fact that I love me some Dexter. Regardless, I'm a fan of everything going on in this photo.

 

Jane Krakowski: Grade B

 

 

 

Again with the navy blue. This dress looks fab on her! Great color choice. I even like the bows on her shoulder and hip. If you had just said to me "think of a navy blue dress made of lace with big ass bows on the shoulder and hip" I would probably gag on you. But I am not gagging. It works.

 

Kate Gosselin: Grade C

 

 

 

If you're hoping for some Kate bashing you won't get it here. I have a little mom crush on Kate. I love her take no prisoners attitude and her ability to escape her children. I only have two children and I want to run away from my house screaming on a semi-regular basis so I can't imagine what her life is like. And when she escapes she gets to wear ugly black dresses with cowl-necks to the Emmy's. She's f*cking lucky is what she is!

 

Julie Bowen: Grade B

 

 

This photo sucks! The dress was really pretty on TV though you can't see it well in this picture. I particularly enjoy her hair style. However, she looks like she has an eating disorder. I don't know for sure but I would venture to guess she's at least a little anorexic. (I just threw a piece of paper over my bag of Oreo bites).

 

Jewel: Grade F

 

 

 

Talk about a Grandma dress. Betty White, who probably has several grandchildren, looked sexier and younger than Jewel. I have major issues with that little bow on the empire waist. I feel like she's about to tell me when she was my age it cost 5 cents to buy a bottle of Coke.

 

January Jones: Grade F

 

 

 

What in the hell is going on? I know January likes to take risks with her fashion but this is ridiculous. She's like a flamingo dancer from the planet Sparklactica.

 

Christina Hendricks: Grade C+

 

 

 

I like the feathery business on the sleeves and elsewhere on the dress. It is a little like it's been attacked by a pack of rabid raccoons, however it works somehow. And I cannot stop checking out her rack. She must get so sick of that. I bet if she had a dollar for every time she said "My eyes are up here" she'd be in the same tax bracket as Bill Gates.

 

Michael Emerson & Carrie Preston: Grade B

 

 

 

I have nothing to say about Michael Emerson's fashion on the red carpet. (though I have plenty to say about his character on LOST, RIP). Carrie Preston, on the other hand, I will sing her fashion praises! I love this dress. It looked better on TV than it does in this photograph. It's different! I'm into patterns lately. And the poor girl is saddled with the craziest hair color due to the character she plays on 'True Blood' (Arlene), but she made it WOORK with this dress. The dress and the hair color look great together. It would be easy to look like a tramp (like Arlene does most days) with the red dye job. So kudos to Carrie for overcoming THAT obstacle!

 

Dianna Agron: Grade A

 

 

 

Again, I'm a little ashamed to jump on Glee's bandwagon. But there's just no avoiding the fact that this dress is GORGE! I want to wear this dress. Actually it reminds me of a dress (that I guarantee was about $10,000 cheaper) that I wore to a wedding once. This is definitely classier than a wedding guest dress. And her hair goes perfect with it!

 

Toni Collette: Grade F

 

 

WTF.

 

Kristen Wiig: Grade A+

 

 

 

I want this dress, where can I get it! Yes. I love this dress. I am even happy about the crap on the shoulders. Sign me up. I'll wear it. I'd also like Kristen's career. So if I could just take her whole life that'd be good.

 

Rutina Wesley: Grade D

 

 

 

Yeah, no. I want to like this but I really don't like this. As I've said a few times already I love 'True Blood' and the "Truebie" in me wants to love Rutina because she's on my fav show. But I'd have to take a lot of 'V juice' before this dress looks good.

 

Mindy Kaling: Grade C

 

 

 

Oh Mindy, Mindy, Mindy. Fire your hair stylist. This is a GLARING example of how crucial the entire ensemble is to completing a look. Hold your hand over her head and just look at the dress... it's lovely! I like the dress! It's fun, playful, makes her figure look like the perfect hour-glass... but her hair! Ohhh, the hair is just awful. What is going on with her hair? For real, it's screwing up the whole thing. I keep thinking of Tinker Bell. She's like the goth Tinker Bell who just got back from a weekend crack bender in Reno.

 

It was a great "opening night" last night for Awards Show Season! The red carpets will take a bit of a hiatus until winter time when things really get into full swing. I hope we see these ladies again at the SAG's, Golden Globes, and Oscars. Some should repeat their fashion choices and some could probably get dressed in the dark and do better than they did at the Emmy's. Whatever your fashion opinion I'd LOVE to hear your picks for best and worst dressed! It was hard for me to pick my fave's for best and worst but I've given it a lot of careful consideration and here are my choices for best and worst dressed ladies at this year's Emmy Awards...

 

BEST DRESSED: Lea Michele. She chose the perfect color, dress, jewels, and hair style. 100% awesome!

 

HONORARY MENTION: Kristen Wiig. I had a tough time choosing just one best dressed winner. I felt like I had to throw Kristen's name up here because I liked her dress so much. 

 

WORST DRESSED: January Jones. There's not much more to say besides that the woman looked ridiculous. The red carpet is no place for aliens.

 

BYLINE:

Bry Schulz is a writer, photographer, and mother who really hates squash. Not necessarily the game but definitely the vegetable. Email Bry at bry@zoiksonline.com.

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