"'Twilight's' Robert Pattinson asked to host SNL."

OK! Magazine is reporting that Lorne Michaels, SNL Master Mind, has invited Robert Pattinson to host Saturday Night Live this season. While it looks like nothing has been confirmed yet I'm thinking what a glorious idea, right?!

I know I'd like to rest my head in my hand and giggle dreamily at my television some Saturday night. I mean the possibilities are endless! I can think of at least 5 possible skits R.Patz could do that would bring not only viewers but laughter. Not all of them involve nudity either. Here are my thoughts:

Skit option 1)

Think techno-night club. Imagine bubbles and smoke machines and lots of neon. R.Patz comes in from a temp agency thinking he's come to work as an office assistant or something. Some big dude who works at the club, Kenan Thompson maybe, meets R.Patz and says something like "I think you'll do great as our new cage dancer." R.Patz is all shocked. Then Kenan can show him his uniform - spandex pants, no shirt. Takes him out to look at the cage he gets to dance in. Yada, yada, yada. This one has lots of potential. Lots of shirtless potential. And I can see it making him incredibly uncomfortable and that's what I watch SNL for - seeing the celebs do shit they never normally would.

Skit option 2)

R.Patz can sing so I think they should take advantage of that while simultaneously making fun of the show “Glee.” Maybe R.Patz goes to a po-dunk school somewhere in the south and the Glee club is trying to emulate the show. Maybe they're working really hard on an arraignment of Air Supply songs to sing for their State championship. The song "Even the Nights are Better" should be involved in a big way. I'd like to see dance moves and some sort of rivalry between Rob and Fred Armisen. Fred Armisen is jealous of Rob maybe. I don't know, the specifics would have to be worked out but I know R.Patz dancing and singing Air Supply sounds pretty damn funny to me.

Skit option 3)

It's impossible not to do a “Twilight” parody! You have the lead character; you've got to take advantage of that. Even as a fan of “Twilight” I can enjoy making fun of it. I realize how ridiculous it is even if I can't stop myself from liking it! In the skit I say make R.Patz still be Edward but the "Bella" character is a totally annoying, delusional, brace-faced, pimply dork. Maya Rudolph or Kristen Wiig would do this well. Basically Bella's really obnoxious and clingy and Edward is trying to hide from her around corners in the high school and behind trees in the woods and stuff. Eventually he just kills her. I mean he's a vampire so he's strong right? Maybe he just rips off her head in a fit of annoyed rage.

Skit option 4)

Robert can be himself in a skit. Maybe he gets hit by a car and is bleeding and has to get to the hospital. But all the CRAZY fan chicks can be falling all over him and he can't get away. Maybe the girls are like ripping off his shirt (we have to get him shirtless at least twice). Some other girl can be like trying to lick him. Another girl can be like "I can help you, I'll take you to the hospital" but she gets him in her car and takes him to her house instead. Maybe she ties him up in her room and throws him in the closet and there's like other hot guys in there. It'd be really funny if you could get Chace Crawford and that guy from “High School Musical” to be trapped with him. Is that funny or is that just insane? Hell, I giggled thinking it up! Somebody else has to find that shit funny too, right??

Skit option 5)

What would really make me laugh is to see Robert Pattinson lose it during a skit. He seems like such a quiet, reserved introvert as it is so I think doing something especially silly would be good. So I say R.Patz and Kristen Wiig can play a married couple going to marriage counseling and the therapist (Will Forte would be good) can make them do really stupid shit to each other. For example Will Forte can be like "it might help you two relax together if you could just open up to one another. Why don't you try sitting on the floor and looking at each other?" Once they do that he can ask them to make faces at each other and maybe do like some sort of mimic practice where one has the follow what the other does. Kristen can start flapping her arms like a chicken and Rob will have to follow. Will Forte will be really serious about all this and how great it is that they are connecting on a deeper level. The options are really endless with the goofy shit they can make each other mimic. It's like a staring contest with hand moves!

Maybe these are terrible ideas, I'm certain I don't know. I've never been on “Saturday Night Live” so I don't know what kind of ideas they are coming up with. I can guarantee that I want to see Rob Pattinson on the show though. If Betty White can get on SNL based on her popularity Rob Pattinson should be a done deal. Hell, all he has to do is sit in the audience of an awards show and the ratings go up. So many chicks love him that all you'd have to do to solve our health care debate in this country is place Rob right next to Obama when he talks about it. What exactly is it about that guy that's so appealing? I'm sure I don't know. I hope he does get to host SNL and if he does I'd like him shirtless and making me laugh. That's really all women want in a man anyway, right?


Bry Schulz is a writer, photographer, and mother who really hates squash. Not necessarily the game but definitely the vegetable. Email Bry at bry@zoiksonline.com.

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Anonymous said...

I love your ideas on the skits. They would be hilarious!

Anonymous said...

Love the shirtless ones.

Anonymous said...

Not bad. I am with the shirtless ideas. Let's be honest.

Anonymous said...

What is it about him? Let me seeee, how much room do I have to make my list?
1. He is witty and funny as he!!.
2. He is very intelligent and knows how to express himself verbally.
3. He is humble,shy and silly and real.
4. Sometimes he says exactly what he is thinking before editing it like other people would do, embaressing himself, but then not caring that he did.
5. Oh, and is very good looking and get even more handsome as he ages.
6. He is sexy.
7. He is tall.
8. He is Britsh. with that really cute sexy accent.
9. He has a great voice and a gifted musician.
10. He is a very talented actor with great potential.
11. He is generous in unexpected ways that doesn't call attention to himself.
12. He really doesn't care how he looks, or dresses.
13. Yes, he does smoke and drink, but he doesn't do drugs, tatoos, or piercings.
14.He is very polite.
15.He is close to his family and has a great circle of friends.
16. He looks good shirtless.
I could go on, but you get the idea.

Anonymous said...

Another possible skit:
What he REALLY would like to do or say to the paparzzi.

Anonymous said...

I laughed so hard I cried! Thanks for your great skit ideas, I like the parody idea and the psycho fan idea. Hilarious!