"LOST: Episode recap - 'Happily Ever After.'"

The newest LOST episode, titled "Happily Ever After" was no fairy tale. There was a lot of violence involved, what with the bludgeoning your father in law with a metal pole, getting zapped by two huge donuts, and of course snappy sass machine Mrs. Widmore! Can that woman ever just come out with it and tell us what the deuce is going on?! I mean she's cute for an old lady and all but she is a bitchy one. She's always popping up in Desmond's life too! I mean this is three Desmond episodes that I can think of that Eloise has shown up in. There was the one where she was the jewelry store clerk, the one where she saw Desmond in the church basement (aka the lamp post station), and now "Happily Ever After." I think that like the rest of us red blooded women out there Desmond Hume is a little bit of a sex magnet. Uh, I mean the only person who's ever survived catastrophic electro-magnetic event.

So the episode began with Desmond waking up on the island and none too happy about it. There's his favorite a-hole Charles Widmore telling him he's taken him back to the place he never wanted to see again. Why would that bother anyone? But his declaration that "the island isn't done with you yet" was pretty B.A. And of course that left us wondering during the commercial break - what exactly does the Island want from Desmond? (Besides a few less buttons on that shirt? Oops, did I say that out loud?)

In random Jin moments last night Jin asked Widmore why Desmond was back on the island and gets the always irritating answer "it'll be easier if I show you." Honestly I hate that. And it's not always true, especially with this God forsaken show! (ps: I love you LOST) It might be easier if Jin just put his foot down and screamed, WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? WHAT IS UP WITH THIS ISLAND? WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO MELT DESMOND BETWEEN TWO ENORMOUS DONUTS? WHERE IS MY WIFE? I mean he's been on this island for more than three GD years now. I'd be like "I'm not taking one more step until you tell me what you’re trying to DO here?" But then again, that would pretty much end the series right then and there. I digress... frequently. Moving on…

Desmond gets tossed into the big box with the enormous donuts in it and is told that he's going to have to make a sacrifice or everyone he knows and loves will die. And then the dying gets brought up AGAIN when Widmore tells Desmond that he needs to throw the switch that could possibly fry his brains because he knows he's lived through a catastrophic electromagnetic event once and he needs to know he can do it again "or we all die." Ooh. Well. In that case. Strap me in the chair Dad.

In off island/sideways life Desmond is a bachelor who likes to hit on pregnant women. In this case the pregnant woman is Claire Littleton, aka current Island nut job. The best part of that whole exchange with Claire was when Desmond called it that she'll be having a boy. How'd you know that Desmond?? Put that question on the list of thousands of questions we'll never get answers to. Another old LOST cast member showed up in the form of Desmond's limo driver, George. George was the dude on the freighter who kicked the bucket because HE didn't have a "constant" yet Desmond, suffering the same issue, survived due to his one and only true love and "constant" Penny Widmore. We'll get to her in a minute. Let's talk about every one’s favorite drug addicted bass player, Charlie Pace!

(Photo courtesy of ABC.com)

Desmond was given the task to make sure Charlie Pace made it to a benefit concert put on by Desmond's sideways boss Charles Widmore. Widmore and Des actually get along in sideways world! How do you like them apples!? So if we are to theorize, like many are doing, that the people on the good side (aka team Jacob) have good sideways lives, does that mean that Desmond will choose the good side or the bad side? Desmond gets the approval from Charles Widmore he so desperately wanted before. Heck C.W. even gives Desmond some of his McCutcheon scotch to drink! (Something he told Des he wasn't worthy of in a different parallel universe). I don't think this is the "good" life Desmond would have wanted for himself so my resolution on the "good side/bad side" theory is that Desmond must choose wrong. I hope not! (If his shirt is unbuttoned it may not actually matter to me).

Babysitting Charlie Pace turned out to be a pretty crap-tastic job! I wouldn't call having someone steer your Benz into a large body of water a good thing. Intriguing? Absolutely! Messy? You betcha! When Desmond got the flash of a few seasons back when Charlie died and had written "Not Penny's Boat" on his hand I was like "whoa." (Yes, I'm a profound woman. I say whoa.) So everyone seems to be experiencing some kind of deja vu in their sideways lives. For Charlie it was seeing Claire and knowing love. For Desmond it was the flash of Charlie’s hand and also lots of Penny time. When Desmond chased Charlie down in the hospital the best part of that exchange was "If I were you I'd stop worrying about me and start looking for Penny" - Charlie Pace. Good advice Charlie! And this is where Eloise Hawking (or, Eloise Widmore) would be bitch slapping you if she could.

This brings us to the visit Desmond had with Mrs. Widmore. His first meeting with her seemed to go just fine. That entire hullabaloo about her being a be-yotch didn't seem to fit. Until Desmond asked about the name Penny which he overheard from the guest list. HOLD UP, WAIT A MINUTE, STEP THE EFF OFF DESMOND HUME! That's pretty much what Mrs. W was saying. Then she uttered every one’s favorite line lately "What happened, happened." Oh Jesus. How many of you are going to say that?! Everyone says that!! Have you caught that lately? Last week it was Flocke talking to Claire about Kate. He was all, “I need her but when I'm done with her whatever happens, happens!” And that's such a destiny thing to say. If you have a pre-determined destiny you can't eff with it because whatever is going to happen will happen regardless! So what's the point? What's the point in free will and making choices and getting up in the morning? Where am I going with this? I don't know. It's late and I've gone too far with my LOST theorizing.

Two last people we have to get to before my rambling card is up. Number one on my list is Daniel Faraday, or as he is known in the sideways universe Daniel Widmore. Danny boy is a musician. He apparently lives out his dreams that way. We saw him playing the piano last season in a flashback (didn't we do flash forwards last year? I'm confused again. It was a flash in some direction). In talking with Desmond, Dan asked him if he's ever experienced love at first sight. Dan had seen Charlotte and after he saw her he woke up the next day to then make a drawing in his journal that a friend described as advanced quantum physics. Hey, in another life he was a quantum physicist! But the best part of the night came when Dan said to Desmond "What if this wasn't supposed to be our life? We had some other life but for some reason we changed things. I don't want to set off a nuclear bomb Mr. Hume. I think I already did." BLA-DOW! I think someone's finally getting close to figuring out that they reset their time lines when they set off Jug head the H-Bomb!

The last person we have to talk about is the one and only Penelope Widmore. Desmond found her (where Daniel told her she'd be) running the stadium very much like Desmond was in season 2. Penny didn't have the normal reaction I would have had by being approached alone in a dark stadium by a total stranger but then again he did look like Desmond Hume. It's great that they are reunited (and it feels so good). On Island, Desmond did survive the enormous donuts shooting electro-magnetic what-have-you's at him and told Charles Widmore he was ready to start doing whatever he needed him to. "A lot can happen in 20 minutes" Desmond said to Zoe about his time in the microwave. And indeed it can. I hope we get to see a "Happily Ever After" for Desmond and Penny! They have the best love story in this series and it should end with them kissing in front of a sunset! (Yuck, I just said that). And if George the driver delivers on Des's request of the Oceanic 816 flight manifest it will be quite interesting to see what everyone else has to say when Desmond "shows them something."

Until next week!


Bry Schulz is a writer, photographer, and mother who really hates squash. Not necessarily the game but definitely the vegetable. Email Bry at bry@zoiksonline.com.

Share |


Anonymous said...

Thanks for reminding me who George was in the parallel universe. It was driving me crazy!


'Like' Us on Facebook:

Zoiks Online on Facebook

Kevin Smith Pimps Zoiks!: