"Jason Derulo: The music scene's new Rickey Henderson."

By Sean Leary

Back when he was funny, Eddie Murphy used to do a routine about former baseball player Rickey Henderson, who used to constantly refer to himself in the third person.

The routine was hilarious, hearing Murphy's dead-on impression of “Rickey Henderson talking about Rickey Hendersonish Rickey Hendersonism in a Rickey Henderson-esque Rickey Henderson way.”

I have a feeling that somewhere, in some Laugh Shack in a strip mall, an aspiring Eddie is doing the same joke about Jason Derulo. This guy just can't seem to rip the “Hello, My Name Is...” badge off his chest.

His first song – “Whatcha Say” (more on this later) - of course featured him introducing himself and dropping his name via vocoder and crooning.

His second song, which I think is called “In My Head,” but I'm not 100 percent sure because commercial radio doesn't identify songs anymore, which is one of the reasons people are abandoning it for online radio, starts off with not only a name check, but a back-sell of his previous hit, just so that people know that it's the same guy who does both songs.

And on top of both of those, his album is called “Introducing...” which is both a description of the disc introducing him as an artist, and a tip on the content of all the songs, which feature him introducing himself - just so that you're sure you're listening to one of his songs.

Speaking of, let's go back and talk about his first hit, “Whatcha Say” for a second.

If the girl he's singing to in this song gets back together with him because of this song, she's a complete and total dumbass.

Let's look at it for a minute.

He gets caught cheating. She's got him dead to rights. He admits it.

Then, he tries to get her back by promising that he's going to become a big star, and when he does, well, damn it, he's going to treat her so, so well.


Get real, babe.

If the dude's cheating on you when he's a nobody, what do you think he's gonna do when he's a huge somebody and he's got strange hoochies lingering around him 24/7? If he's bangin' behind your back when he's workin' Mickey D's and stinkin' up a buddy's basement studio ripe with dreams, beats and bud, what do you think he's gonna do when he's hangin' in Jay Z's studio, out on tour with a bunch of booty bunnies goon lurkin' around?

Trust us, miss, you're better off leaving him. If he does change, it's gonna be for the worse.

“Adios, jerk.”

That's whatcha should say.

And of course, then, he'll say, “Jason Derulo is very un-Jason Derulo-ey in an unhappy Jason Derulo way about your dismissal of Jason Derulo despite my overwhelming Jason Derulo-ism and Jason Derulo-esque-osity.”


Sean Leary's recent and current projects include the alt-rock "Spinal Tap" comedy film "Your Favorite Band" (www.yourfavoritebandthefilm.com), the award-winning short story collection "Every Number Is Lucky To Someone" (available in bookstores nationwide and on Amazon.com) and his website: www.getyourgoodnews.com.

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Anonymous said...

haha this is great..I am always thinking that whenever I hear him. I just read a similar blog post online and laughed, thought you might appreciate it... http://thewritewaytoact.wordpress.com/2010/04/26/whats-my-name-whats-my-name/


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