"I like my John Mayer with more Jessica Simpson than Jennifer Aniston."

By Sean Leary

The John Mayer asininity just highlighted something I feel strongly about - or, well, as strongly as you can feel about something this superficial and insignificant to my everyday life.

I like my celebrity couples to match up well.

Sometimes the matchup is just for my own sake. I want a celebrity whose work I enjoy or whom I think is a decent person to hook up with someone of like stature. For example: Ben Gibbard and Zooey Deschanel. I like both of them, I like both of their work, I think they seem like cool people, I think they seem like a cool couple. Works for me. Other examples: Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams, Spike Jonze and Sofia Coppola, Spike Jonze and Michelle Williams.

Sometimes the matchup just makes sense from a Hollywood perspective. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston. Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner. Big stars on the same plateau seem to be similar in style, so why wouldn't they date each other?

And that's where the John Mayer thing comes in.

It ironically started going the other way: I was a little disappointed when Mayer, who seemed like a good musician and an interesting cat AT THE TIME, began dating Jessica Simpson, who, for all her physical assets, seemed like a bubble-head.

Little did I know what a douche bag Mayer was, or little did I know that I'd feel somewhat sorry for Simpson as time passed and her career really started circling the toilet. But at the time, my reaction was along the line of "Whaaaaaaat?")

Once Mayer revealed himself to be a whack job (in more senses than one, if you read his interviews), I started to go the other way, now feeling that Jennifer Aniston was really trolling it to be dating Mayer. I still feel that way. Jen, just go out with Owen Wilson or Gerard Butler or someone like that. You'll be fine.

Of course, there are cases where you admire or find yourself puzzled by a celebrity's taste in paramours as well. Zach Braff and the lead singer guy from the Counting Crows whose name I'll remember seconds after I post this blog HEY WAIT! IT JUST POPPED INTO MY HEAD! AWESOME! Adam Duritz! come to mind as two celebrities that always seem to hook up with classy, attractive women who have their creative and personal stuff together. The guys have good taste. Good for them.

But all too often it's just the opposite, and you'll see some celebrity who should know better with a bimbo or himbo or someone who just screams BAD NEWS. Examples being Britney Spears, Brittany Murphy, other celebrities not named Britney by any spelling, et al.

Best of all would be if all of the “celebrities” you wish would just go away somewhere would somehow hook up together and, well, go away somewhere.

If only we could get Jon Gosselin, Speidi, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, John Mayer, etc. etc. to agree to move to a deserted island somewhere. Maybe they can attach cameras to all the palm trees and pretend they're plugged in, and imagine that anyone cares what they're doing or where.

Then again, come to think of it, with that many idiots together, it might make for an entertaining reality show. Better plug those cameras in and have tape rolling. Just in case.


Sean Leary's recent and current projects include the alt-rock "Spinal Tap" comedy film "Your Favorite Band" (www.yourfavoritebandthefilm.com), the award-winning short story collection "Every Number Is Lucky To Someone" (available in bookstores nationwide and on Amazon.com) and his website: www.getyourgoodnews.com.

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Anonymous said...

You seriously think that Affleck and Garner are on the same plateau? Affleck is a hollywood heavy hitter and garner is essentially a cult TV star who tags along in ensemble casts. Mayer didn't go with Aniston though - that's so true.


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