"Jenna Jameson should be a bill collector."

Tweet By Jason Tanamor

One particular occupation that can’t be enjoyable is the bill collector. These people are shrewd and will stop at nothing to collect a debt. Most of the population can relate to this, from that fact that billions of dollars get written off every year.



I think the majority of people want to pay, but since collectors use distracting tones and bizarre methods, it’s very difficult to cooperate with them. Nobody wants to be yelled at or ridiculed about how money is spent here and not there, with there meaning credit card companies and other financial institutions.

If bill collectors and creditors really want to improve the collecting dilemma, then why not take a lesson from the phone sex people. The phone sex industry is one of the highest grossing businesses running today.

What’s needed in collection offices around the world are individuals with extremely sensual voices – like Jenna Jameson. A voice such as hers would make you want to hand over the dough, and in great quantities. If Jenna Jameson were a bill collector, and she ever called, then the conversation wouldn’t sound so much like a lashing from your first grade teacher. Instead, it would appear as if the person that owed money would be getting lucky for the first time in over a year.



Look at how many dates occur every night of the year. Some men don’t get lucky, but they dump their wallet out anyway. It’s the same thing. Most men and women would be satisfied talking to someone that is nice; whose voice resembled a porn star, in exchange for a few bucks.

If this ever happened, the dialogue would have to look similar to this:

“Hello, is Mr. Gaylord in?” Jenna Jameson asks.

“This is him,” answers the man who hasn’t seen action since the “A-Team.”

“Do you realize that you owe $2000 dollars to your credit card?”

“Yes, but I can’t pay right now.”

“Why not? Don’t you like me?” Jenna Jameson asks. “Is it because of my huge boobs?”

“Uh, no, um, OK, well, actually, I’m about ready to pay it.” Mr. Gaylord, harder than a brick replies.

“Well,” she says, licking her lips, “let me help you with that. Give me the check. Yeah, that’s it. Faster. Give me the check, faster. C’mon, don’t you want to give me the check?”

Mr. Gaylord ferociously starts writing, getting very excited.

“Now rip off that remittance form. That’s it. Just like that. That feels good, doesn’t it?”

“Uh, yeah,” Mr. Gaylord replies, as he inserts his check into the envelope.

“Did you insert it in the correct slot?” Mr. Gaylord nods his head. “Good, now lick the envelope. Is it wet enough? Good.”

“I did it,” Mr. Gaylord says.

“Yes, you sure did.”

After enduring an experience like this, I’m sure that the collection industry would see a higher response and payback rate. People that don’t even owe money would be sending out checks just to speak with a voice like this. Or at least Googling Jenna Jameson for some free pictures and videos.

BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous." Email Jason at jason@zoiksonline.com.

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