"'Legion' should be mindless fun but instead is just mindless." – Movie Review.

Tweet By Sean Patrick Kernan

When a movie's opening voiceover narration intones that God lost faith in humanity because 'he got tired of all the bullshit' you have to lower your expectations. Unfortunately, there just are not expectations low enough for a post-apocalyptic thriller as dopey as “Legion.”



Paul Bettany, one of my favorite actors, stars in “Legion” as the archangel Michael, a General in God's Army. As God has lost faith in humanity, God sends Michael to earth with a mission. Michael, however, is not going to obey orders. Seems God has ordered Michael to exterminate humanity.

Instead, Michael travels to a diner in the middle of nowhere New Mexico where a disparate group of people sits patiently waiting for the plot to kick in. Among them are the diner's owner Bob (Dennis Quaid), his son Jeep (Lucas Black), Bob's old army buddy Percy (Charles S. Dutton), A WASP couple (Jon Tenney and Kate Walsh) and their bitchy daughter (Willa Holland).

Most important in this group is Charlie (Adrianne Palicki) who is with child from some anonymous hook up but by some luck happens to be the savior of all mankind. As Michael informs Charlie, and us, if the baby is born he will lead humanity out of the darkness. Before the baby comes they must fight off God's Army of Angels led by Michael's long time friend and fellow Angel Gabriel (Kevin Durand).



The Archangel Michael is mentioned only once in the Hebrew Bible. It is said that he will stand for the people of Israel at the end of days. Not that the movie “Legion” gives a crap about the biblical arcana from which its main character came from. Director and co-writer Scott Stewart merely uses Angels and Archangels as a device for apocalypse. “Legion” exists only to place Paul Bettany in fetish wear, long leather coat, bandoleer, and lots and lots of guns, and watch him shoot people. He and the cast pile up a few bodies and then die in a particular order until the screen time runs out. Nothing much of interest happens and certainly nothing you cannot anticipate without seeing the movie.

Dennis Quaid continues a sad, pathetic career decline. It's hard to recall the last time Quaid was in a film worth watching. In “Legion” the most notable aspect of Quaid's performance is his dopey lopsided haircut. Yes, he gets a big moment near the end but by then you won't really care.

Paul Bettany is not the typical idea of a lead in an action movie. He brings a different energy to the role than your average action movie star might but sadly little more than looking cool in a leather jacket holding two giant machine guns is required of him. We’ve seen him do more, we want him to do more and we just don’t get it in “Legion.”

Little more than an idea, “Legion” drones and wheezes through a series of violent scenes briefly interrupted by mindless expository dialogue before reaching its violent and predictable end. “Legion” should be mindless fun but instead is just mindless. Remember the opening narration I mentioned about God giving up on humanity because God got tired of all the bullshit, I think I know how God might feel watching “Legion.”

BYLINE:

Sean Patrick Kernan is a film critic. Check him out at: http://www.myspace.com/number1ramjamfan. Email Sean at sean@zoiksonline.com.

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