By Bob Zerull
Check out this article I found over at www.latimes.com. As many of you are aware Gary Coleman was rushed to the hospital earlier this week due to a seizure, or as Coleman himself puts it he suffered a “little seizure activity.” Coleman has been released and is doing fine - sort of.
Coleman suffered his seizure shortly after flying into L.A. The reason he was flying into Los Angeles is kind of funny. Gary Coleman is in a new movie called “Midgets vs. Mascots.” It is a documentary about little people competing against mascots. According to the story the competition is in the style of “Jackass.” I guess the prize is a million dollars. Sounds kind of like a reality show to me.
Since it is essentially a reality show they taped a lot of footage. In one particular scene they were in a locker room. The “Diff’rent Strokes” star was wearing a robe when a fight broke out. Coleman jumped in to break it up and his robe opened up inadvertently turning it into a full frontal nude scene. While I haven’t seen the clip, it is my understanding that it was very brief flash, but a flash nonetheless.
Gary Coleman was flying to Los Angeles to make sure that scene didn’t make it into the movie, or at least the nudity was edited out. In the process Gary had a seizure and ended up in the hospital. Once he gets out of the hospital he learns that the penis is in the movie and that it’s not coming out. Well, it did come out, but – never mind. Gary signed a contract allowing any and all footage to be shot and used, including nudity.
My advice to Gary, suck it up. If you fight this it’s going to make everybody think you have a small penis, even though nobody really cares. If in fact that is why you’re fighting it, don’t worry about it. Laugh it up. This could get you some attention, especially if you’re willing to make fun of yourself. It’s a guarantee that people will go and see this movie because of GCP (Gary Coleman Penis). That means people want to see it.
Gary, nobody wants to see my penis and that is kind of depressing. Embrace it good sir. This could lead to a major comeback, probably not, but it at least it’ll get people talking about you again. Or your penis.
Bob Zerull is a frequent movie and concert goer who talks about his ventures to arenas and theaters more than any person should be allowed to do. Now, he puts them down on paper. Visit: www.cadaverchristmas.com. Email Bob at firstname.lastname@example.org.
By Bob Zerull