“Keri Noble’s new album grosses her out. But in a good way.”

By Jason Tanamor

“I'm so excited about this new CD that I'm starting to gross myself out!” Keri Noble said. “I never used to be this much of a positive person, but I guess that's what comes with finally finding yourself doing what you know you were born to do and connected to people who want to help you get there.”

Noble, a multi-talented singer-songwriter whose family got her into music at an early age, used the Detroit culture to draw inspiration for her music. She recently chatted with me to talk about her road through the music industry.



Q - You're from the Detroit area. With its rich history of music, did you always see yourself getting into the music business?

A - No. Not at all, actually. I never had focused goals of being a musician. I definitely danced around my living room with an oversized spoon or hairbrush, singing (and directing my fictional band) whatever songs I knew. But, I really wasn't much of a dreamer. Or, if I was, I kept it to myself or from myself, if that makes any sense.

And as far as the Detroit connection, I believe that I drew from the rich cultural environment, but was never exposed to the great Motown artists and the music that put Detroit on the map. That's just not the environment that I was raised in.

Q - How did you get your start in music?

A - My mom made me take piano lessons, which I hated. She had the kitchen timer on top of our upright piano, and I would dread every moment of practice until, finally, time would be up and I could stop.

It wasn't until around the time of the Lilith Fair that I started hearing female singer-songwriters. Someone gave me Joni Mitchell's "Blue" and I lost my mind. I loved everything about it.

I started writing and re-learning the piano (by ear) and getting gigs in coffee houses and bars.

I moved to Minneapolis in '01 and got my first manager and almost two years later, after several industry showcases in LA and NY, I got a record deal with EMI/Manhattan and that was the beginning of it all.

Q - Describe your music for those who don't know about you.

A - Well, I would say that it's a mix of singer-songwriter/soul/and pop music.

Q - Who were your musical influences?

A - I loved musicals when I was growing up. My mom would let me check out as
many as I could from the library. She also introduced me to the Beatles (which may very well have been my only real exposure to "secular" popular music when I was really young). Of course, there was a lot of contemporary Christian music (Amy Grant, Michael W. Smith, etc.).

When I got into high school, I fell in love with R&B and hip-hop. And, finally, when I graduated high school, I discovered Joni Mitchell, Patty Griffin, Shawn Colvin, and Carol King.

Q - So you tinkered around in Detroit but then later moved to Minneapolis. What was the musical landscape like in Minnesota AND what did it offer you?

A - When I was starting to play music in Detroit, I didn't really know many people who were doing the same kind of music that I was. I wasn't plugged in to any artists' community and, therefore, felt like I was spinning my wheels.

I met some musicians from Minneapolis, and I came to the city to play a show with one of them. I immediately fell in love with the city, the people, and the sense of artistic community here. It felt organic and real and welcoming.

I was young and not afraid and decided to give it a shot. That was almost 8 years ago and I feel like it was one of the best decisions I ever made.



Q - Are you still in Minneapolis?

A - Yes.

Q - In 2003 you signed with EMI/Manhattan. How much of a change was it going from being an indie musician to one that was signed by a major label?

A - Truthfully, I had no idea what I was doing. I didn't really know that I was considered an "indie" artist. And all I knew when I got the record deal was that I wanted to do everything I could possibly do to make them happy that they'd chosen me. There wasn't really much of me that saw myself as an artist or made decisions from a place of artistic
integrity. It was more of a situation where I felt lucky and maybe even a little bit like a fraud...like I had fooled people into thinking that I was an artist when I was really just a regular girl who happened to have a streak of luck writing some songs that people seemed to like.

Q - What did they make you do different?

A - If I understand the question, I think you're asking what was different about being signed to a label rather than doing my own thing, right?

They were a big machine. They had meetings about my career. They had divisions within the company that focused on specific aspects of my artistry. I really had no idea what any of it was about. I just felt the overwhelming need to pretend that I knew what was happening and make people happy.

I got to open for some really amazing artists (Cyndi Lauper, B.B. King, Jonny Lang) and travel the world. I felt so unbelievably lucky to be able to do these things simply because of the songs that I'd written. But I was always operating under the fear that it would all go away and that my ability to write songs would dry up.

Before signing with them, I was openly floundering, trying to find what I was supposed to be doing. After I was signed, I had teams of people telling me what I was supposed to be doing. It was very different and, also, strangely similar. Through it all, I just felt lost.

Q - When "Fearless" came out, it didn't make that huge splash in the States. Was there ever a point you start to question the validity of what you're doing?

A - I questioned whether or not I was a priority at the label. Like I said before, I had no pre-conception of what would happen with “Fearless.” I went to a label Christmas party before my CD dropped, and the head of radio assured me that "every song could be a hit...they were all that good. The only difficult thing would be to pick one." Of course, none of that happened. But it really never sunk in because it was all just happening too fast and I didn't know what to expect.

I spent every opportunity that I got on the road and at some point, I began to question whether the work that I was doing was actually making any difference. If the label wasn't backing me, then I just felt like I couldn't win.

One thing I did know, that I discovered and learned to trust while I toured, was that when I played live, people responded. They actually spent their hard-earned money buying my CD's, and at many venues I broke records for an opening act's CD sales. So, I was beginning to trust that what I was doing resonated with people. I think being on the road taught me how to be an artist. Take away the "suits" and the politics and what do you have? Are you reaching people? Is it filling you up as an artist? I found the answer to be yes for both of those questions.



Q - How have you evolved as a musician and songwriter?

A - When I came to EMI, I was a girl who sang love songs, for the most part. When I toured, I realized that I couldn't just do slow ballads. I knew I'd lose the audience. So, I had to learn real fast how to have range as an artist. That really opened the door to exploring more of my capabilities.

When I left EMI, I felt so free to do whatever I wanted. I didn't have anyone telling me what to do or how to sound. It was in those two years that I wrote the material for my full-length debut release on Telarc. And I think you can feel the freedom in the songs.

There's a strong theme of emancipation on the new CD, even though that was not a conscious thought or agenda. I was simply exercising, for the first time, my full power in the studio. And it felt good. I didn't have to stick to being any one thing, which freed me to explore soul, gospel and R&B, as well as love songs and pop.

Q - What's the best lesson you've learned?

A - You never know how things will play out. So, try not to burn any bridges, but never compromise the essence of what makes you unique.

Q - Tell me about the new album coming out in February.

A - It's been a long time coming! Even though Fearless was technically my debut album, I believe this new record is my real "coming out" debut. It's fully inclusive and representative of what I think my strengths are as an artist. I think that there are many different stylistic flavors and yet there's also fluidity to the collection of songs. If I am gonna come out, I'm gonna come out swinging. And this is the record I'm proud to be doing it with.

Q - What challenges did you face with this new album?

A - Really only the challenges of walking the path that led to the songs. Once the songs started coming, it was, for me, undeniable and therapeutic.

I guess maybe a challenge might have been my own fear of committing to getting back in the "game", so to speak, by signing with another label. I was pretty resolute about never signing again. But then I flew to Cleveland and met a lot of the people at Telarc and knew before the end of the day that I was artistically home.

Q - What do you want your audience to take away with this new album?

A - Empowerment. Freedom. Emancipation. It might sound cheesy, but it really is where I'm at today. I have a new-found sense of what I want to accomplish and how much more protective I am of my talents. I want people to feel inspired and empowered when they listen to my songs. By the way, I don't mean in an Anthony Robbins/self-help kind of way. I mean in that feeling you get when some part of you wakes up inside and realizes, for yourself, that you can change the direction you're going, that someone else feels what you feel and understands.

Q - What would you like to accomplish as an artist before you hang it up?

A - You mean besides performing on the Oprah show? Hmmmm. Seriously, I guess I'd like to be an old woman and have made a living doing what made me feel alive. So, in the present moment, I guess that means just keep doing what I'm doing. Taking risks. Trying to stay open to what's possible. And stay out of my own way.



BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous."

READ MORE - “Keri Noble’s new album grosses her out. But in a good way.”

"Lakeview Terrace." - DVD Review.

By Bob Zerull

1 Star:

Samuel L. Jackson's movies have made more money than any other actor. I believe he dethroned Harrison Ford, although I have to imagine that Will Smith is getting close. One of the main reasons I think Sam Jackson does so well is because he'll do anything. He's fun to watch whether you're watching "Pulp Fiction," "Star Wars" or "Snakes on a Plane." He's been in some of the best movies ever, but holy shit as he been in some crap.



"Lakeview Terrace" would fall in the crap category. Jackson plays a cop in a suburban neighborhood in Los Angeles. His wife is dead and he has two kids. The best scene in the whole movie is when his son walks in wearing a Kobe Bryant jersey and Jackson makes him change into a Shaquille O'Neil Miami Heat jersey because they blame Kobe for the team falling apart. Unfortunately, by the time this movie came out the Lakers and Kobe Bryant were able to turn everything around, but I still found it funny.

An interracial couple played by Patrick Wilson and Kerry Washington moves in next door. You can tell Jackson is disgusted by this and doesn't approve. Jackson isn't the only one who disapproves, Kerry Washington's dad does too. I'm not going to pretend that interracial couples don't deal with idiot racist bastards, but the fact that this movie has to turn it into a violent showdown is kind of ridiculous.



There are a couple of different routes this movie could have taken. One route is a straight forward approach. Make the movie about the struggles that this couple has to deal with and use the "some people never change" ending. It doesn't have to be happy or violent. The other approach would be the sappy version where this couple is able to make Sam Jackson see the error in his ways and he becomes a better man.

This movie is just a waste of time. I really like when a movie can tackle a weighty issue such as racism, but you need to be able to challenge your audience or at least shock them. "Gran Torino" is the movie you need to see if you're looking for a movie that handles prejudices. "Lakeview Terrace" tackles racism much like "Rocky IV" tackled the cold war in Russia.



BYLINE:

Bob Zerull is a frequent movie and concert goer who talks about his ventures to arenas and theaters more than any person should be allowed to do. Now, he puts them down on paper. Email him your thoughts at: bzerull19@gmail.com.

READ MORE - "Lakeview Terrace." - DVD Review.

"My Best Friend's Girl." - DVD Review.

By Bob Zerull

2 1/2 Stars:

Everybody knows how this movie is going to end. This type of movie is made far too often. The movie takes a different route to get to that point, but ultimately gets there. I'm not sure if I like Dane Cook or not. So far every one of his movies has sucked, but he's been the best thing in them. I think he's funny, but he kind of has that frat boy approach which isn't really me.



"My Best Friend's Girl" stars Dane Cook as Tank. Tank's day job is that he sells air (air purifying machines). The best part about them is that if they don't work, you can't tell. Tank has a side job that he's much better at, and that is being a professional asshole. He's hired by guys who have just lost their girlfriends to get them back. Tank will deliver the worst night of their lives and then they'll come crying back to their boyfriends.

Enter Dustin, played by Jason Biggs. Dustin is in love with Alexis, played by Kate Hudson. When Dustin tells Alexis that he loves her she decides that maybe it's time to slow things down. Dustin and Tank are cousins, not by blood, but they refer to each other that way. Dustin ultimately hires Tank. Alexis is in a bit of a cross roads in her life, so Tank's antics aren't working like they're supposed to. At the end of the first date, which took place at a strip club, Alexis invites him up and Tank has to turn her down.



Alexis calls Dustin immediately and sets up a lunch date. Unfortunately for Dustin the lunch date is where she tells him that they should just be really good friends and see other people. Dustin decides that he wants to keep Tank in the picture. Without asking Tank, Dustin apologizes to Alexis for him via flowers and a grammatically incorrect poem. Ultimately Tank and Alexis become fuck buddies. Surprise, surprise, Tank falls for Alexis.

Does this movie kind of sound familiar? Have you seen it a million times before? Tank turns on the charm and he eventually becomes more than just a booty call. Only this time the charm is legitimate. This is the point in the movie where if they try to come up with a happy sappy ending then it'd probably be a pretty good chick flick. It was a funny movie to begin with, but in the interest to make this movie a lot funnier they make the movie a lot worse. Tank gets some advice from his womanizing father played be Alec Baldwin (who as usual is fantastic). I'm not going to lie, I was laughing at this point in the movie which includes

*SPOILER*

Tank propositioning Alexis' mom for a blow job,

*END SPOILER*

but as a story I didn't buy any of it for even a second. This character wouldn't act the way he did in that situation. I understand what they were trying to do. If you're just looking for thoughtless laughs then you'll love Alexis' sister's wedding. If you're bothered by bad story telling then you won't be laughing as you could be. If it wasn't for the thoughtless humor I would say stay completely away from this movie.



BYLINE:

Bob Zerull is a frequent movie and concert goer who talks about his ventures to arenas and theaters more than any person should be allowed to do. Now, he puts them down on paper. Email him your thoughts at: bzerull19@gmail.com.

READ MORE - "My Best Friend's Girl." - DVD Review.

"Hamlet 2." - DVD Review.

By Bob Zerull

3 1/2 Stars:

My favorite thing about this movie is that they named it "Hamlet 2." The movie was written by Pam Brady ("South Park") and director Andrew Fleming ("Arrested Development"). You can definitely tell that one of the "South Park" writers was behind this movie. It's ridiculous, but extremely fun and funny. "Hamlet 2" stars Steve Coogan ("Tropic Thunder") as the talentless high school drama teacher Dana Marschz. Dana doesn't have a clue about the stage or film.



The movie opens with the entire drama class (all two students) reenacting "Erin Brockovich" on stage. That's how clueless this guy is. The play gets panned by the 13 or 14 year old critic, because the play is not original. He goes home to his alcoholic of a wife, played by Catherine Keener, and their roommate Gary played by David Arquette. One day Dana shows up for class and finds that half the school has registered for his class. They registered for the class because they thought it'd be an easy A. The class resembles something straight out of "Dangerous Minds" or "Freedom Writers," two terrible movies that a guy like Dana would find amazing.

Dana finds out that after the semester the school is going to close down the drama department. He believes that if he writes an original screenplay he'll be able to save the drama department. He pitches his idea for a play called "Hamlet 2" to the 13 or 14 year old film critic. The critics first reaction is how can you create a sequel to "Hamlet," everybody dies at the end? Dana's idea involves a time machine and Jesus Christ.



Dana writes the play in one night. The principal gets a hold of the script and bans the play from being on school grounds. At the same time Dana comes into contact with his all time favorite actress, "Adventures in Babysitting" star Elisabeth Shue, played by Elisabeth Shue. Elisabeth quit acting to become a nurse. She was only in acting for the sex scenes.

Dana gets depressed, his wife runs away with their roommate Gary, and the principal and the students' parents are making it impossible for them to rehearse for this play. The kids all come together to make it happen and lift Dana's spirits. Just as everything starts to fall apart, everything comes together. Amy Poehler plays a lawyer representing Dana (without Dana's consent) claiming that the school is censoring him.

The play is ridiculous as is this movie. Songs by the name of "Raped in the Face" and "Rock Me Sexy Jesus" appear in Dana's play. This movie is definitely not for everybody. If "South Park" offends you then don't waste your time. The movie isn't unbelievably funny, but it's funny and entertaining enough to keep your interest.



BYLINE:

Bob Zerull is a frequent movie and concert goer who talks about his ventures to arenas and theaters more than any person should be allowed to do. Now, he puts them down on paper. Email him your thoughts at: bzerull19@gmail.com.

READ MORE - "Hamlet 2." - DVD Review.

“Norm MacDonald would rather be the straight man.”

By Jason Tanamor

“I’m just looking for my cordless,” Norm MacDonald said when I called him. “Hang on.” From the sound of MacDonald, it appeared as if I had woken him up. Either that or he was drunk or high. But then I realized that he was just a laid back type of dude. “Hang on,” he said again. “All right, you there?”



I said yeah, thanked him for the interview and then went into it.

Q - Did you really get fired from “Saturday Night Live” (SNL) for not being funny?

A - I don’t really know why I got fired personally. It doesn’t really matter what the reason was. I’m not interested. I’d rather not hear what the reason or reasons were.

Q - How long were you on SNL?

A – I don’t really remember. I think I wrote for a year, and then acted for two and half years.

Q - I heard you wanted to be a news reporter before being a comedian. So when you got “Weekend Update,” that had to be a dream come true for you?

A - You did?

Q – Yeah, the wonderful things you can find on the Internet.

A – Actually, the first thing I wanted to be on was a game show. I wanted to be the guy that just read the prizes at the end, just reading products, like you were in a store. That would have been the easiest job ever. I didn’t have great ambition. But I wasn’t really surprised about getting fired. Most of my jobs I got fired from.

Q – So SNL was probably the icing on the cake?

A – (Laughs) Hold on a second. Someone’s beeping in. (Norm clicks over and then returns.) There was no one there. (Pause) All right, you there?

Q – Yo. Your sitcoms, “Norm” and “A minute with Stan Hooper,” didn’t last as long as I thought they would. “Norm” went, what, three years and Hooper went a few episodes. I thought “Stan Hooper” was unlike your previous work. Whose crazy idea was this series?

A - It was my idea. I wanted to do a show where I didn’t get laughs. Other people got the laughs.



Q – So you were kind of like the straight man?

A – Yeah, I’m not a strong comic actor.

Q - What do you think of the sitcom landscape nowadays?

A - There aren’t any.

Q - Would you ever return to primetime television?

A – Sure. I’ll probably return in one year, and be on network television. That’ll be my bet. (Pause) You’re being beeped again, hold on… (Norm clicks over and then shortly returns.) All right man.

Q - You also did some writing for a couple of sitcoms. Do you think you’re most suited for being behind the scenes or on screen?

A - I don’t care, on a sitcom. If I had a choice, I’d rather write for a great sitcom actor than write for myself, someone like Michael J. Fox.

Q - How did you get involved with stand-up comedy?

A – I love stand-up. I was doing manual labor when I started. With stand-up, I got paid $15 dollars for ten minutes, so that was like ninety bucks in an hour. Manual labor, I was making $3.65 an hour.

Q – I mean, but how did you get started? Did you see or know someone?

A – I saw a comic. I watched them on TV when I was five or six. I saw them on television, (Laughs) because I couldn’t go to the clubs at five or six. (Pause) Hold on, all right? (Norm clicks over again for a short time and then returns.) It’s another reporter. I said, “Give me fifteen minutes.” I gave you the props, I said, “I’m not getting off the phone with my buddy.”

Q – Thanks for the props.

A – All right, where were we baby?

Q - How has your material or act changed since you first came onto the scene?

A – When I first started, I talked about having a dog and an answering machine, you know, regular stuff. Now, it’s more miniature stuff.

Q – Miniature stuff?

A - Yes, like tiny feelings I have.

Q - You’re a pretty serious poker player. Is this something you would consider doing professionally?

A - I don’t like playing anymore. It’s a waste of time. I lost a lot of time playing poker.

Q – Sounded like you meant you lost a lot of money.

A – What? No, I said time.



Q - When are you going to do another “Dirty Work” type movie?

A - I don’t know. We were just talking about it the other day, remembering the past. “Dirty Work” is now a cult classic, but I made no money at the time. I would like to go back in a time travel machine in the next movie and do pranks on Hitler, something with history.

Q – That’s all I had for you. Did I miss anything?

A – Yeah, I’ll have a TV show, next year, but I don’t know which one of the three I’m going to do.

Q – You can’t give me any information on it?

A - No, I don’t want to, then the other two will know I’m not shooting theirs.

Q – Oh, I see. You seem very at ease.

A – I’m very laid back. I don’t get stressed out about anything.

Q – You still doing impressions?

A – I never did impressions in my act, but I did some on SNL. I’m not an impressionist.

Q – Anything else you wanted to add?

A – Uh. Don’t do crack. There’s a message for the kids. (Pause) So, you coming to the show?

Q – Yeah, probably.

A – All right. See you there. We’ll club it up. Rock and roll.



BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous."

READ MORE - “Norm MacDonald would rather be the straight man.”

"Gran Torino." - Movie Review.

By Bob Zerull

4 1/2 Stars:

I have to credit my brother and James Hetfield from Metallica for turning me on to Clint Eastwood. My dad would watch "A Fistful of Dollars," "High Plains Drifter," "The Good the Bad and the Ugly" etc etc and I could never tell them apart. They just looked boring to me. I was aware of Clint Eastwood growing up, but I can't say I grew up watching his movies. My first real experience with Clint Eastwood was "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly." The reason I saw it, was because of the song "Ecstasy of Gold." I only knew that this song was the song that Metallica walked out on stage to; I didn't realize it was from a movie. I liked the movie, but I still wasn't really into westerns.



When my brother made me watch "High Plains Drifter," that's when I became a fan. That character was such a bad ass. Then again Clint Eastwood is a bad ass. You know what's even crazier? He's probably a better director than actor. "Unforgiven," "Million Dollar Baby," "Mystic River," "Flags of Our Fathers," "Letters Two Iwo Jima," and "Changeling" to name a few. That's quite a track record.

Eastwood is getting up there in age. He's 79 years old. His acting days are probably behind him, but he gave us one last great performance and it completely comes out of left field. Eastwood plays Walt Kowalsi, a Korean War Vet whose wife just passed away. He's not a bad ass anymore; he's a decrepit old man on his last legs. His family feels burden by him and he is disappointed in them. He is retired from Ford, yet his kids are driving Toyotas. He just wants to be left alone with his Pabst Blue Ribbon and jerky.



Enter his new neighbors, the Lors, an Asian family. Walt's always been politically incorrect, but his racial slurs seem to have genuine hate in them when it comes to this family. It's as if he thinks he went to war against these people. That is until teenage neighbor Sue Lor enters his life. She lets his insults bounce off her like they're nothing and builds a friendship with him. Her cousin is the leader of an Asian gang who is bullying her brother Thao Lor. The gang wants Thao to join and forced him to attempt to steal Walt's 1972 Gran Torino.

Walt catches Thao. The Lor's force Walt to allow Thao to pay him back by having him do chores around the house. It's at this point Thao and Walt really bond. Walt starts teaching Thao the secrets of success in this world and hooks him up with a job in construction. The gang hasn't left Thao alone and this forces Walt to get involved.

To avoid spoiling this amazing ending I'm going to stop here. Eastwood's almost 80 years old and we, the audience, are still expecting "Dirty Harry" to come out. I didn't see the ending coming until it started to happen. It was genius. It makes sense and is much more realistic than where I thought they were going. "Gran Torino" is an amazing movie. I highly recommend checking it out. It's Eastwood in a role that you're not used to. He's a good singer too.

BYLINE:

Bob Zerull is a frequent movie and concert goer who talks about his ventures to arenas and theaters more than any person should be allowed to do. Now, he puts them down on paper. Email him your thoughts at: bzerull19@gmail.com.

READ MORE - "Gran Torino." - Movie Review.

"Ghost Town." - DVD Review.

By Bob Zerull

4 Stars:

I'll be honest, normally I would skip a movie like this, even with the stellar cast. For whatever reason I put "Ghost Town" in my Netflix queue and it showed up. I'm a fan of the Americanized "Office," but I couldn't get into the British version which starred Ricky Gervais. I did see a couple episodes of the British TV show called "Extras" which also starred Ricky Gervais and I liked that, but I really didn't know much more about Ricky Gervais. The real reason I put "Ghost Town" in my queue is because I've always heard about how funny Ricky Gervais is, so I wanted to see for myself.



"Ghost Town" stars Ricky Gervais as a Bertram Pincus, a dentist who hates interaction with people (look for a cameo from "The Daily Show's" Aasif Mandvi). Pincus is not a mean guy at heart, but he is so uncomfortable that he's actually quite rude when he attempts to avoid interaction. While going in for a routine colonoscopy, he asks to be put under. The doctor is played by SNL's Kristen Wiig, who is great in her small role. Pincus learns that he died for a few seconds and because of this, he "can see dead people."



Pincus meets up with Greg Kinnear's who plays Frank Herlihy, a character whom we quickly learn died while sneaking around on his wife Gwen, played by Tea Leoni. All the dead people are stuck on Earth until they can close the book on their life (just like in every movie with dead people who walk the Earth.) Frank convinces Pincus that in order for him to get out of limbo/purgatory, Pincus needs to stop his wife from marrying this other guy.

Pincus wants nothing to do with Frank or his dilemma. When Frank informs the rest of the ghosts that Pincus can see/help them they all appear in his apartment at one time. Pincus finally gives into Frank. Frank wants Pincus or Pink Ass as he calls him to find a guy to break up his wife's engagement. Pincus suggests that he be that guy. Frank finds this funny and unrealistic and goes with it. When Pincus finally goes up to meet Gwen, he learns that she lives in his apartment complex and that he's stolen her cab, closed the elevator door on her and other rude things.

It's at this point in the movie that Gervais shines. He is insanely funny. Greg Kinnear and Tea Leoni do a great job too, of bouncing off of Gervais, but Gervais is the star of the show. You take Ricky Gervais out of this movie and replace him with anybody else then I'd say that this movie sucks. I gave this movie 4 stars out of 5, but without Gervais, it would probably be 2 stars. I really can't believe how funny this movie is. Definitely check this one out.



BYLINE:

Bob Zerull is a frequent movie and concert goer who talks about his ventures to arenas and theaters more than any person should be allowed to do. Now, he puts them down on paper. Email him your thoughts at: bzerull19@gmail.com.

READ MORE - "Ghost Town." - DVD Review.

"My Bloody Valentine 3D." - Movie Review.

By Bob Zerull

1/2 Star:

Why did I go and see this movie? What was I expecting? For whatever stupid reason I thought this may be a fun horror movie. I love horror movies. I love the ones that disturb me ("The Last House on the Left," "The Devil's Rejects"). I love slasher, serial killer, paranormal and even horror movies involving religion. My favorites are the realistic ones, but I love them all from "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" and "The Exorcist" to "Cabin Fever" and "Feast." Wes Craven, Sam Raimi, Rob Zombie, Eli Roth etc etc, I love them all.



As I'm entering the theater I'm expecting a silly gore fest that's a blast to watch, a movie that makes fun of the typical horror situations. Boy was I wrong. There were moments that were fun to watch, especially early on. I should clarify; there was a moment that was fun to watch. It involved an extended nude scene in 3D. I'm not just saying that because I'm perverted. It really was a funny scene. I thought this movie was going to be everything I thought it was going to be, but it went downhill from there.

It's just stupid. It's not really all that fun, it's kind of boring. I've seen this story a million times before. The problem with this story is the whodunit? element. That's all this movie is. Who's the killer, the husband, the ex-boyfriend or one of the other cops? The reason why I enjoy the "Friday the 13th" movies is because Jason is the killer. They're not trying to make good movies; they're just making fun movies. The filmmakers of "My Bloody Valentine 3D" couldn't decide if they wanted to make a good horror movie or a fun one, so they tried to do both and as far as I'm concerned fell flat on their faces.



The other question is if the 3D helps it out on any level. Not really. I mean if you've never seen something in 3D before then a pick ax or a bullet flying at your face might be exciting, but in all honesty there just wasn't enough of that. They definitely could have done better.

How many ways can I say I dislike this movie? "My Bloody Valentine" is a remake of a film of the same name that came out in 1981. I've never seen the original; at least I don't think I have. I'm sick of remakes to begin with. While I enjoyed the remakes of "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" and "Halloween," the originals are such classics that it is impossible to top. Later this spring we have a remake of "The Last House on the Left" and "Friday the 13th" coming out. I'm excited about "Friday the 13th," but dreading "The Last House on the Left." I'm watching the original as I write this review. I would stay away from "My Bloody Valentine," but if you absolutely must see it, make sure you're seeing a 3D screening.

BYLINE:

Bob Zerull is a frequent movie and concert goer who talks about his ventures to arenas and theaters more than any person should be allowed to do. Now, he puts them down on paper. Email him your thoughts at: bzerull19@gmail.com.

READ MORE - "My Bloody Valentine 3D." - Movie Review.

"Death Race." - Movie Review.

By Bob Zerull

2 1/2 Stars:

Come on, it's called "Death Race." What did you expect from this movie? I have had the argument with many people that the Academy Award winning movie "Crash" is my least favorite movie ever. The popular response is worst movie of all time? What about "Deuce Bigaloo" or any Rob Schneider movie? Rob Schneider is intentionally making stupid movies which make them funny to some. "Crash" was trying to make a movie about racism that makes you think, but instead insults your intelligence (give me "American History X"). "Death Race" wasn't trying to accomplish anything but a fun movie to watch and it succeeds at that.



"Death Race" is a remake of the Roger Corman exploitation classic film "Death Race 2000" starring David Carradine and a pre "Rocky" Sylvester Stallone. I have not seen the original. "Death Race" stars Jason Statham as Jensen Ames (also known as Frankenstein) and Tyrese Gibson stars as Machine Gun Joe.

The movie takes place in the future, and if you can imagine it, the economy is a lot worse than it is right now. Jensen does manual labor for a living, except that he doesn't know how much money he's working for until payday. It is usually a lot less than expected. He goes home to his wife and infant girl with the poor pay. His wife tells him it'll be ok. He goes to check on his daughter. When he comes back he finds that his wife is lying on the kitchen floor dead. He's then attacked and left unconscious. He wakes up to find out that he's been framed for his wife's murder.



While in prison Jensen is approached by the warden played by Joan Allen about a reality show called "Death Race." "Death Race" is a popular reality show where convicts race for their freedom. If you win four times you get released. The most popular character is a guy named Frankenstein, who wears a mask. He has three victories. The warden keeps killing off the convict Frankenstein and recruiting different people to be Frankenstein. Jensen is a former driver, so the warden had someone frame him so he could be the next Frankenstein.

Jensen agrees to participate in the race so that he can get out and be with his daughter. Little does he know that the warden has no intention of letting him win. Machine Gun Joe is his main nemesis. The race takes place in three different stages. The first two stages, the only two goals are to survive and kill. The third stage is about winning.

"Death Race" is a pretty straight forward action story. If you go into this realizing you're watching a fun action movie then you'll have fun. If you go into this movie hoping for something special, you'll out right hate it. If you like Jason Statham movies then I recommend this. If you're too smart for movies like this then you're probably a douche bag incapable of fun, but that's ok. Seriously though, this is an action movie called "Death Race." You should be able to tell before you see it if you'll like it or not, just based off the title.

BYLINE:

Bob Zerull is a frequent movie and concert goer who talks about his ventures to arenas and theaters more than any person should be allowed to do. Now, he puts them down on paper. Email him your thoughts at: bzerull19@gmail.com.

READ MORE - "Death Race." - Movie Review.

"Mini KISS rocks and roll all night."

By Jason Tanamor

I've been playing guitar for a number of years. I've been in shitty bands, all of which were covers of whatever music influenced me at that time in my life. The songs were a collection of different bands, different genres and even different eras. I knew it was just for fun, as a professional cover band would never make it. Being that cover bands are essentially doing what it says - covers - the best you could be is second best. Unless you're covering Culture Club, then you have a chance of surpassing them. Then I met Joseph Fatale, founder of Mini KISS, a professional cover band that solely revolves around KISS. He proved me wrong with the notion that cover bands can't make it. Fatale recently sat down with me to talk about the little band that could.



Q - Why did you decide to put this band together?

A - Kiss was my all time favorite 70’s metal band. It then became 80’s metal and I was a drummer all my life and just loved jamming to all the greatest drummers - Motley Crue, Judas Priest, Iron Maiden, Led Zeppelin, etc. There were so many metal bands I was into, and I also was in a lot of local bands during High School. During those days there was no way we were gonna make it because it was the 80’s hair band/pretty boy look, so I just went on, always in the entertainment industry. About eight years ago, I was in an All Little People Heavy Metal band that these Jersey guys and I put together. But in that band there were too many chiefs and not enough Indians. Like every book I read on bands (I read them all), bands always have someone that has a huge head and always wants to be the main attraction. I was in that band but I also had brains and looking at the cover of my still unopened Kiss Alive Album (Vinyl), I created Mini KISS. I looked at the album and just saw four little people dressed as KISS. And the name Mini KISS just popped into my head. So I left the other little people band, and they fell apart four months later. But the thing with them was, even though they were all original, people would still degrade them. With us, it’s so different. It’s insane, the look, the fire, the blood, everything about us is so much like KISS, and that's why people accept us and love what we’re doing. I tell ya, it’s the biggest, greatest high being on that stage and doing what we’re doing. Now we’re on the way of doing our own songs. I always wanted to write our own songs, and that's why Mini KISS has been in action for eight years, because everyone in it, is like family. I don't want any leaders. I tell people/reporters/interviews/ we are family. We are all great at what we do. Each of us is awesome at his part, and that's a family. The minute someone thinks he is God’s gift, there goes the family. That's why I say to my members, “You do your thing, and that's all I care about.” A great performance for our greatest fans, that's what makes me happy, and makes this group a family, and of course, I always say, “If it wasn't for KISS, Mini KISS wouldn't be here.”

Q - I read that you had to find other little people to be in the band. How much of a challenge was it to do this?

A – Well yes, like any band I auditioned a lot of people. To this day I have some different members. I’m like the real KISS, not because of big heads but because of when I auditioned, I had a lot to choose from and still like a lot of them so I just keep switching players around. They’re great friends and like family to me, so I keep them rotating and I have fun with all them. They’re all great, and I had an idea when I started this and still do this. I use male and female singers because, to me it’s all about the voice in rock and roll.

Q - Are all of you professional musicians or did you have to learn in order to participate?

A - We used backtrack a lot in the beginning. To this day, we still use backtracks, but I do have to say I do have real guitarists, drummers, bassists, and singers. The funny thing is, to this day, I have had fans ask why do you use backtracks, and perform for real? The reason is the most important thing to me - our stage show. We all know KISS was well known for their stage show, so I made sure that everyone learned all about KISS, who they were impersonating, and also just KISS themselves. Everyone did. But some of my people were real musicians and knew all about KISS, so that was an extra in my book. I do use different people, but that's why we use backtracks. It’s hard to really play and run around that stage and just make the fans smile with blood, fire, energy, and extreme concentration.



Q - Who is in the band and what did everyone do before joining?

A - I cannot say who is in because we have a lot of different members, but it’s me, Joseph Fatale, the one who will always be in and everyone that joined, well some of them still have regular 9-5er's and a lot of them just do entertainment. Some of my people to this day continue to do all sorts of entertainment. Like myself, I do Mini Elvis, Mini Slash.

Q - What do you want to accomplish with Mini KISS?

A – Mini KISS is also a really little man band. That’s what our original name is because when I created Mini KISS I was in the process of doing my own music, my own creation of all little people and Mini KISS is really Little Man Band. Mini KISS is the most famous cover band I’ve ever heard of. The other one is Posin.’

Q - How does it feel knowing that the best you can ever be is second best?

A – Wow, what can I say, it’s a great accomplishment to know I succeeded in something that I created, to let all people around the world know that everyone has talent, and minds, and success and if you put your mind to anything, you can definitely accomplish it. Especially being physically challenged, to me, shows you got it. That’s why I do a lot of charities because to me I like to give back to others who really have a very bad physical disability. Show the world anyone can succeed and love one another no matter what or how they look. In this life, it’s great to see the young kids really loving Mini KISS/Little Man Band. After all the disasters, world tragedies, 9-11 that still affect us, we have to move on and it is what it is. In life, time takes its course and those who do wrong will not be with us on the other side. That's what I say and think.

Q - What's the best part about this gig?

A - The best part is traveling to different cities. There are so many different people and the best part is being on that stage and just seeing the great fans and the love all the people give to you when you perform. It's such a huge high.

Q - What do you say to those people who don't take you seriously?

A - I have been doing this for nine years and the last five years we have been so successful that there will always be your positive and negative about what we do, and to those people who don't take us seriously, well that's their prerogative. They come see the show, they know what the show is about, and they know what they’re in for. And that's why I want to take this project to the next level. That's why we are in the studio as we speak because we are going to make our own songs, our own music, and since right now we’re on top we’re going to make this happen.



Q - Have you ever considered, or should I say, has KISS ever considered doing a show with you guys?

A – Nah, no one has said that. People have asked but you got to look at it this way, they are the same songs, the same band, but the uniqueness of two different looks. We have opened for many, many big bands and it’s better like that. I tell you one thing, I would love to make a movie and have a cameo with KISS called, “Honey I shrunk KISS.” HA HA.

Q - How long will you do this?

A – I’m gonna go on forever and ever, as long as I can go. The best part is the kids love us and seeing young, teenaged kids saying, “We love Mini KISS,” makes me so excited. It is so awesome and they all ask when we are coming out with a CD. That's why we’re in the studio.

Q - Anything you wanted to add?

A – Well, one thing is to the other imitators, imitation is the best form of flattery and us imitating the gods of rock and roll and being the first and ever little people tribute band in the world and we loving what we do is great and we take our show very serious. Please feel free to visit our website to see when we’ll be in your city. We travel all over the world constantly and in the US. Go to www.minikissonline.com or www.myspace.com/minikiss or www.littlemanband.com and you will see tons of cool clips and will see when Mini KISS will be in your neighborhood.

BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous."

READ MORE - "Mini KISS rocks and roll all night."

"Seven Pounds" - Movie Review.

By Bob Zerull

3 Stars:

Will Smith is probably the classiest guy in Hollywood. I don't know the guy, so I base that off of interviews that I've seen, but every time I see him on TV or whatever I think this is a fun guy and he gets it. That said, I'm not a huge fan of his movies. His movies are popcorn flicks for the most part. Then he did "Ali" and "The Pursuit of Happyness." After he did those two we all realized that this guy really can act. His movies seem to get better and better.



"Seven Pounds" was a movie I probably wouldn't have normally taken the time to watch. My wife DVRs "Oprah" (I swear she DVRs it and not me). I happened to catch the episode on "Oprah" where Will Smith and Rosario Dawson were on promoting "Seven Pounds" and they sold me. They claimed it is a movie you can't really talk about or you'll give everything away and that is the problem with this movie.

Will Smith plays Ben Thomas who works for the IRS to collect outstanding debts. In one of the opening scenes we see Ben in a hotel room calling 911 notifying them of a suicide and then in the next scene we see Ben taunting this blind salesman over the phone. He's yelling at him to not be a coward without getting a reaction from the blind man (played by Woody Harrelson). Then he hangs up the phone and just starts screaming and crying seven names. It all makes sense in the end but at the time it makes no sense, but you're kind of intrigued.



Over the next few scenes Ben approaches people who owe outstanding debts to the IRS and based on whether or not they're good people he decides to give them an extension or not. One of the people he approaches is Emily Posa played by Rosario Dawson. She owes over $56K, but she's also diagnosed with a terminal heart condition. She has a device that if it lights up that means a replacement heart is available, kind of like waiting for a table at a restaurant. Ben decides that she is a good human being. The weird thing is that the people that he deems good enough, he will help them out in more ways than one. He'll give them the time they need. In the process of giving Emily Posa the attention she needs, she falls in love with him and him her. I can't go on or I'll give the movie away, but you may be able to figure out what happens just based on what I've told you so far.

This movie is neat, but it's not hard to figure out what's going on about 1/2 way through the movie, but that doesn't matter. I wish they would have told this movie straight forward. Instead of revealing everything at the end, they should have revealed it all at the beginning and see if he'll actually go through with what he wants to go through with.

The acting in this movie is great. This is probably the best performance that Rosario Dawson has ever given. This may be Will Smith's greatest performance as well, but he was really good in both "Ali" and "The Pursuit of Happyness." Woody Harrelson also gives an incredibly strong performance. The movie is really good in almost all aspects, except for the filmmaking which is unfortunately an incredibly important. I think a lot of people will enjoy this movie regardless, but this could have been something special.

BYLINE:

Bob Zerull is a frequent movie and concert goer who talks about his ventures to arenas and theaters more than any person should be allowed to do. Now, he puts them down on paper. Email him your thoughts at: bzerull19@gmail.com.

READ MORE - "Seven Pounds" - Movie Review.

“Gupta Girls excited about the new Surgeon General.”

By Melvin Durai

Dr. Sanjay Gupta, neurosurgeon and correspondent for CNN and CBS, has been offered the position of Surgeon General in the Obama Administration, creating excitement not just among Indian-Americans, but also a group of women who call themselves the Gupta Girls. They've been maintaining a fan site for him, featuring a page of "pretty pictures" of Dr. Gupta. Naturally, I had to interview their leader, a woman who prefers to be known just as a Gupta Girl.



Me: "Where were you when you heard the news?"

Gupta Girl: "I was at 7-Eleven, getting a soda. One of my friends, who is also a Gupta Girl, called me. I screamed so loud, people thought I had won the lottery. I spent the rest of the day calling and emailing all the other Gupta Girls. We're so happy that our efforts have paid off."

Me: "Efforts? You mean you helped bring this about?"

Gupta Girl: "Well, we had nothing to do with the fact that Dr. Gupta is the handsomest, most intelligent, most eloquent doctor in the world ... "

Me: "On your website, you call him the 'Sexiest Doctor on the Face of the Planet.'"

Gupta Girl: "Yes, he's that too. We have nothing to do with any of that. But we did give money to President-elect Obama's campaign."

Me: "Did you ask Obama to appoint Gupta? Is this going to turn into a Blagojevich-like scandal?"

Gupta Girl: "No, nothing like that. Each of us just gave a little money and included a note that said: 'We love Barack Obama. He's almost as cute as Dr. Sanjay Gupta.'"

Me: "And you think that had an impact?"

Gupta Girl: "Well, it did make the Obama people realize that millions of people adore Dr. Gupta."

Me: "Millions of people?"

Gupta Girl: "It's probably billions around the world. Our Gupta Girls email discussion list has more than 100,000 subscribers. About half of them live outside America. We even had one in outer space."



Me: "Outer space?"

Gupta Girl: "Yes, one of NASA's astronauts is a Gupta Girl. She took a picture of him to the International Space Station for an experiment."

Me: "An experiment?"

Gupta Girl: "Yeah, she wanted to see if her heart palpitations decreased in space."

Me: "And did they?"

Gupta Girl: "No, they actually increased. She thinks it's because there were no other sexy doctors up there. She's going to share the results with the entire Gupta Girls email list."

Me: "Is that what you mainly do on the email list – discuss Dr. Gupta?"

Gupta Girl: "No, we mainly share photos of him. Various angles and poses. And not just the ones you see in magazines and newspapers. We have a few Gupta Girls who work at CNN and they take pics when he isn't looking. We even have one of him plucking his eyebrows."

Me: "Can I see any of these photos?"

Gupta Girl: "You'll have to wait until we create our new website. It's going to be called SGSG.com."

Me: "SGSG.com? Does that stand for Surgeon General Sanjay Gupta?"

Gupta Girl: "No, silly. It stands for Sexy Gorgeous Sanjay Gupta."

BYLINE:

Melvin Durai is a Manitoba-based writer and humorist. A native of India, he grew up in Zambia and has lived in North America since the early 1980s. Read his humor blog at http://www.Nshima.com Write to him at comments@melvindurai.com.

READ MORE - “Gupta Girls excited about the new Surgeon General.”

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