"Ramblings of a road comic."


My license is now valid. After I don't know how long, I am finally legal to drive. Anyone who has been in my position knows that driving without a license is the most nerve wracking experience in the world. Anytime a set of headlights gets behind you, you start hyperventilating, crying, and poopin’ in your pants.

Well, maybe not crying, but still. Scary to say the least. I don't have to worry about that shit anymore, although I'm still illegal to drive in the other 49 states! Hey, they don't know that, so until they do? SHHHHHHHHHH!! That was the highlight of my day. To find out I was valid. Nothing beats it. I could have a first born son, win an Academy Award, hit the lottery and if they ask me the greatest day of my life I'll say Nov.19th 2009! The day my license got valid.

Sure my son will cry and say, "B-b-b-b-but daddy, wha about me?"

And I'll say, "Look you stutterin' 'lil booga, I like you, but daddy was an outlaw, drivin' like a scared 'lil bitch, that day changed my life son. Not unlike the day you were born son, but more fulfilling! Look kid, we've been together eight going on nine years, you still can't hit a fastball, tackle or shoot a damn basket to save your life. That takes a toll on your pops. When I got my license valid, there was no downside.

You on the other hand son, and speaking of son, you have red hair, you're good at Math and have a small penis. I'm darker than Louis Johnson's ass at midnight in the Black Forrest, and your mom is Swedish and can't do a fraction to save her life, so where the hell does the red hair and small penis come from? "It just doesn't make sense. But me driving legally, makes all the sense in the world."

Now quit crying and help daddy figure out his taxes.


BT is a comedian who travels all across the country to tell the funny to audiences that come out to see his show. Check his website out for show dates (http://www.btrox.com).

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