“Ramblings of a road comic.”


It has happened. I have officially been choked out! That's right, I have officially gone into that dark abyss where you have no idea what has happened but that there has been a void in time that you can't explain. In other words, "What the fuck just happened?"

I was in Jiu-Jitsu class and one minute I'm defending a choke and the next minute I'm looking up at a half dozen stunned faces like, "What the fuck just happened?" And it really is like they tell you - you sleep. They told me I was snoring. Just like I do when I really sleep, or so I'm told.

I laughed it off because it was funny. There's one to chalk up to the record books. I feel like a real man now. Like "yeah, I've been choked out, so what?"

Well enough about my "manly" exploits. I'm not gonna lie, I'm getting through this bad time in my life, the best I can - I'm living!

My attitude is good and that is what's important. Attitude gets you through everything. Attitude! I'm sure Anne Frank had a great attitude right before the Nazis found her out. I kind of wonder if in those last moments, Anne Frank had a thought like, "You guys are fuckin' sick!" But she couldn’t really say it out loud because she's 14 and her parents might scold her, which really would have sucked.

"Anne Frank, you watch your mouth young lady! I swear if we make it out of this concentration camp alive, you are grounded, understand?”

And Anne being the teenager she was says, "Well, joke’s on you momma, we're being executed so th – ‘POW!’”

I know, sick, but funny from my end. Who really knows the last thoughts before someone dies? If only we knew. Hopefully, mine will be something profound like, "At least those kids will live!" Or, “Go! I want you to live.” (KABOOM!!!)

Hopefully it won't be, "I can't believe I'm peeing on myself, I'm so scared," or even worse, "Fuck those kids! I'm outta here!!"

To die a brave man is what I strive to do. Hopefully it'll be in my sleep on an empty stomach because no one wants to find a dead body and say, "He's dead and he shit the bed! FUCK!!"

"We loved you dad, but damnit, you shit the bed and it's hard to love someone who shits the bed! You better have left me a lot of money, you sick dead bastard."

This morbid shit is funny. But alas I have to bid you a farewell, for I have to drive nine hours today.


BT is a comedian who travels all across the country to tell the funny to audiences that come out to see his show. Check his website out for show dates (http://www.btrox.com).

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