"Ramblings of a road comic."

By BT

My butt is sore!! Stop it!! It's not what you think, no weekend prison stay, no weekend at Little Richard's house, I've ridden my motorcycle a lot this weekend!!

I mean a lot! I set a goal and didn't accomplish it, but along the way, I had a lot of fun. My bike had 26,234 miles on it, my goal was to finish with 26,800.



As of now it has 26,634. Didn't make it, but the fun was in the trying. Now if you don't get motorcycles, that's fine, but please don't tell us or any other motorcycle riders, horror stories, we don't wanna hear it. Why would I wanna hear about somebody who got "done in" by a motorcycle? It's like if you just got married and all your buddies had horror stories of marriages gone bad then they say to you, "Good luck!" Yeah, thanks for pissing on my parade, muthafuckers!!

Sometimes I just wish people would just shut up. Everyone feels like they have to talk. Why? I'm to the point in my life where (and granted, this would look a lot better if I had a graph to illustrate my point, but…) if the "I don't give a fuck" line is here, well I'm slightly below it at, “I just give enough of a fuck to say, ‘I don't give a fuck,’” and "Why the fuck are you talking to me?"

Of course I'm too nice to actually say this but damn it, I'm thinkin' it! Know this if you happen to comment on some shit I could care less about, like say, anything that doesn't involve bikes, MMA, Sports and comedy/entertainment. Okay, maybe pizza! C'mon pizza? Seriously!

That actually reminds me of a funny joke from a comic but so true.

As an African-American you sometimes feel self-conscious during certain times, like "tipping" at restaurants. Even if you have shitty service, you feel like you have to because of the stereotype of "not tipping." But the big one for me and a few more of us is eating chicken or watermelon in public or in front of white people.

I really feel like I don't have to explain why, but the joke was: This black comic said he was at "The Taste of Chicago" and they had "seedless watermelon" and he said "c'mon black people, seedless?" And I giggled my ass off, because I was thinkin' that sounds delicious.



“Seedless? C'mon black people, seedless?" That means you can eat and eat without once spittin' that shit out or taking a pause.

Funny huh? That's where we differ as races. There's not one food white people feel self-conscious about eating in front of black people, unless it was actually called, "Niggers Head Cheese!" Then you'd feel a slight bit uncomfortable, right? "Hey Chad, what are you eating? That looks scrumptious?"

"I'm eating a ham sandwich with some nig,nig, ni, ni uh, uh, Oh God, Oh Jesus, Mary and Joseph –“

"What's wrong Chad? Cat got ya tongue? Spit it out!"

"Can we talk about the game? How about that Vince Carter? Can that Nigger's head cheese jump or what? Oops!"

"Tha fuck did you just say?"

"I was talking about the cheese!"

"Vince Carter is a cheese to you? He ain’t even a man now, he's a dairy product to you? Kiss my ass Chad, if you weren't signing my checks I'd whoop your Ham and Nigger's Head Cheese eating ass!"

“Wow!! Where did that come from? Who knows, but hey you know me, I go crazy and go off sometime. Well, hope you enjoyed it like I did.”

“Talk to you in a couple of days.”

BYLINE:

BT is a comedian who travels all across the country to tell the funny to audiences that come out to see his show. Check his website out for show dates (http://www.btrox.com).

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