“Q & A with the “King of Queen’s” Patton Oswalt.”

By Jason Tanamor

Question - At what age did you start your comedy career?

PO - 19.

Question - Describe a typical day for you.

PO - Tea, e-mail, masturbate, TV.

Question - You’ve done a Sierra Mist commercial, a spot on Reno 911, and had parts on a bunch of sitcoms. When are you going to have your own sitcom?

PO - Hey, yeah. What the fuck?

Question - If you do get the chance to have your own show on television, what would it be like?

PO - Like a baby's smile.

Question - When you write, do you have a goal, say a joke count to reach?

PO - 1,000 jokes every ten minutes or God punches me.

Question - How do you get your material?

PO - Bed, Bath and Jokes.

Question - What’s the best advice someone has given you?

PO - “Shut the fuck up.”

Question - What do you like doing more, stand-up or acting?

PO - Acting is more rewarding, but stand-up is more fun.

Question - If you won an Academy Award, would your speech consist of thanking anyone and everyone or something different?

PO - Something different.

Question - Any advice for aspiring comedians?

PO - Knockknock jokes.

Question - Rodney Dangerfield said that comedians are, for the most part, depressed people. Or maybe that was Jim Carrey that said that. Does that ring true with you?

PO - I'm sorry, I had a gun in my mouth. What was the question?

Question - A friend of mine confuses you with Kevin James. Have you ever been told that and if you have, would you ride it until you ended up being arrested for identity fraud?

PO - Already happened twice.

Question - Is it true that comedians get a lot of tail?

PO - I'm going to say, “Yes.”

Question - Anything else you wanted to mention?

PO - I like pussy.


Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous."

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